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#atlantic-ocean

Jokes

Portuguese man finds magic lamp A Portuguese man walking down the beach stumbles upon a rusty and dirty old lamp. Intrigued, he picks it up and rubs it trying to read the old etchings on the side, and out comes a genie! The genie says: ""You have released me, and for that I will grant you one wish!"" (hey, it's a Portuguese genie, we get shafted all the time, so we only get one wish instead of three) The man thinks for a bit and responds: ""I'd like a highway that connects us all the way to Amer

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An atheist is deep sea fishing. An atheist is out on the Atlantic ocean deep sea fishing when his boat is attacked by the Kraken. Huge tentacles wrap around the boat and begin to rip it in two. He looks over the boat straight into the jaws of the beast and screams ""Oh God! Help!"" Time freezes. A ray of light shines down on him and he hears a deep voice say ""I thought you didn't believe I was real."" ""Come on, God, cut me a break!"" the man responds. ""A few seconds ago, I didn't believe the

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Donald Trump, Hillary Clinton, Tim Kaine, Mike Pence and an elderly lady were on a plane that was halfway across the Atlantic Ocean on their way to America. Suddenly, the plane began to start shaking violently. A voice on the intercom said, ""We lost an engine! Going Down! Passengers take a parachute and get away before it blows!"" Unfortunately there were only 4 parachutes available. Hillary grabbed one, said, ""I'm sorry, but as a potential first female president and keeper of Wall Street inte

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THE best Bavarian cream pie My grandpa was stationed in Germany after the war. And when I was very small he told me about this little restaurant that served THE best Bavarian cream pie. Apparently he went there every opportunity he had. He couldn't get enough of that Bavarian cream pie - it was absolutely unreal. Well, a few years ago, my grandpa found out that he had a terminal illness, and only had a few months left to live. So, he booked a deluxe vacation cruise to Europe that would eventuall

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[Bit Long] So, there's a man walking through the Sahara... ...and finds an empty, dirty bottle. He's fairly poor, and is travelling to the nearest city to trade. He figures the bottle has some value, maybe a tourist will buy it, and examines it. He takes a good look at it, and rubs it. Suddenly, a genie appears! He tells the traveler that he will grant him two, and only two, wishes. The traveler is running low on supplies, and hasn't seen his family in months; maybe years. He wishes to be brough

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Five Jokes Which Have Never Produced Laughter The 5 jokes that have never produced laughter, as seen in ""The Areas of my Expertise"" by John Hodgman. 1. A man goes into a bar. He has a dog with him. The dog is wearing an eye patch. The man says to the bartender, ""Ask me about my dog."" Unfortunately, the bartender does not hear him, because he went deaf in one ear as a child. He serves a woman at the other end of the bar. When he comes around to the man with the dog again, the man orders an im

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Madonna is flying from New York to London . . . . . . and happens to be seated next to Oprah on the plane. They exchange pleasantries and settle in. Half way over the Atlantic ocean, the pilot comes on the PA and says, ""We just lost 3 engines. Prepare to go down in the ocean. Madonna grabs her carry-on and begins putting on diamond earrings, a diamond bracelet, and some diamond rings. ""What are you doing?"" Oprah asks. ""When the search team comes looking for us, their search light will hit my

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So this plane is flying over the atlantic. So this plane is flying over the Atlantic Ocean. The captain comes over the loudspeaker and says, ""One of our engines is malfunctioning but we should still make it to our destination just a little late."". 30 minutes and everyone hears a loud BOOM. The passengers get nervous and start looking at each other. The captain comes over the loudspeaker again, ""We uh... have a problem. Another engines has gone out and we won't have enough fuel to make it. We'

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""This is Captain Sinclair speaking. On behalf of my crew I'd like to welcome you aboard British Airways flight 602 from New York to London. We are currently flying at a height of 35000 feet midway across the Atlantic. ""If you look out of the windows on the starboard side of the aircraft you will observe that both the starboard engines are on fire. ""If you look out of the windows on the port side you will observe that the port wing has fallen off. ""If you look down towards the Atlantic ocean

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One day, on an Irish farm.... One day, on an Irish farm, a horse was watching MTV through the farmer's window. He watched a music video made by "The Beatles" and was amazed. "I could play guitar like that" said the Horse to himself and spent a year learning how to play guitar. Satisfied by what he achieved, he showed his work to the chicken."That's amazing!" said the chicken, "I bet I could put some vocals on that if I practiced!". The chicken then took a year of its life to learn how to sing

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