It's 1968. China and the Soviet Union are on the verge of open hostilities. And only the pope can intervene... Well, so thinks the president of the UN. See, he'd been up all night watching *The Shoes of the Fisherman*, and it was such a harrowing vision that he was determined that the pope, and only the pope, could broker a deal between two hostile nations. If you've not seen *The Shoes of the Fisherman*, it's a fine film with Anthony Quinn and there's international problems solved by the pope. I think....I think John Gilgud plays the pope, but maybe that's because he always does. Anyways, president rings up the Vatican, and convinces the pope that he has to come to New York. Due to the tenuous situation, this visit has to be utterly secret. They've got a room for him at the Waldorf, it'll be a one day visit. Get in, get out, get a t-shirt. The pope, who hadn't been to America in a good long while, accepts this mission. He throws on his red hat and cape, and he hustles to a cab stand. ""Where to?"" asks the cabbie. ""Just...just get me to Roma International please."" They drive in silence, and the cabbie looks in his rearview at the pope. ""Heyyyy...now wait-a minute! (the cabbie has an Italian accent. This isn't easily explainable) I a-know you! You..you're a famous man!"" The pope looks away and mutters, ""No, no I'm not, must be someone else."" ""Noooo! I a-seen you on the tv! Red hat...red cape...OH! You are Elvis Presley!"" ""I assure you, I am not Elvis Presley!"" says the pope, feelings a little hurt. ""Yes-a you are! You do the shuffles and the music, oh my wife gonna be so jealous!"" The pope scuttles out of the cab at the airport and hurries to the ticket counter. He orders a round trip to JFK, and the lady at the ticket counter looks up and gasps. ""Signore! Don't I know you? Mama mia, I seen you on television last night!"" ""No, madam. I assure you I'm nobody of any importance."" ""Yes you are! You got the cape...you got the hat...*oh madonna* you are ELVIS PRESLEY!"" She starts to squeal and hit the counter. ""MADAM! PLEASE! Just...just get me a ticket to JFK!"" On the plane. Pope's got his bible out, going over some choice passages, and the stewardess bringing coffee nearly drops it in his lap, crying, ""Elvis! Elvis Presley is *on my plane!*"" The pope hisses at her to be quiet and could she please bring some more peanuts. Harried and exhausted, he gets a cab at JFK. ""Waldorf Astoria, please."" The cabbie, and we're talkin' the quintessential Brooklyn cabbie here, chews on his cigar and lifts his cap and says, ""Sweet Jesus on a bus to Greenpoint! You're famous, ain't yez?"" The pope is nearly reduced to tears at this point. The cabbie continues. ""You got dat red hat! You got the fancy uptown lady cape, only one man has the balls to carry that off, you're Elvis Presley!"" At the Waldorf, it all happens again. The clerk says, ""here's the key to your room!"" And in a sotto vocce whisper that echoes across the lobby, ""*mister Presley!*"" The pope goes up to his room. He wishes the president of the UN had never watched *The Shoes of the Fisherman*. He turns the key in the lock. Two young chambermaids are making up his room. They spin to face him and erupt in shrieks. ""Oh my god! It's....it's....*ELVIS!*"" as they start to unlace their skimpy uniforms. The pope looks down and says, . * Wise...mennnn.....sayyyyyyyy...*