The Canadian election consists of two men apologizing till one concedes, the winner is then elected king of Canada. Or something like that.

Theres a dating website for people that believe the government is ran by lizard people so I really have no excuse for being single

Kids: haha you have to work and we don't have school today Me *closing the front door* I changed the wifi password. Love you guys!

"the uk couldn't POSSIBLY leave" "trump couldn't POSSIBLY be president" "we couldn't POSSIBLY start eating each other out of necessity"