#ukraine

*Vladimir Putin dining* I want Russian fries "They're French fries" Not for long *crosses Ukraine out on agenda & lists France* Not for long

Only 1 in 6 Americans can find Ukraine on a map... Putin is fixing the issue by just calling it all "Russia".

There was a man in Ukraine who operated a train for a living. He showed up to work one day extremely drunk and starting hitting people on the tracks, killing a few before he was caught and arrested. State law deemed that death via the electric chair was an acceptable punishment for his deeds. The day he was put to death, they asked him for any last meals. His only request a single banana. They obliged, gave him his banana, and put him on the chair. The chair was activated, and to the executioner…

A joke from Ukraine The train suddenly turns off the rails and goes through the village, then through the cornfield and finally comes back to the rails. When it arrives, the passengers ask: What the hell has happened? There was a man shitting on the rails. You should've smashed him. We have smashed him. We caught up with him in the cornfield. ____________________________________________________ My English is not great, feel free to suggest edits.

Ukraine are currently third in the Paralympics table, reaping the rewards of their investment programme... ...Or as we know it, 'Chernobyl 1986'

Why shouldn't you wear loose fitting shorts when visiting Ukraine? Because Chernobyl fallout

I had a friend from Ukraine. Now he's from Russia.

Once Upon a Time In a Small Jewish Village in Ukraine... ... a farmer had been saving up his money, all his life, to buy a bull. Finally having enough money, he takes the long walk to Kiev and comes back with a strong bull. It is the strongest bull the village has ever seen. Big, beautiful, and a hard worker, the farmer is overjoyed! He rents the bull out to pull plows and pull carts and, by year's end, the farmer has enough money to buy a sow. He takes the long walk to Kiev and comes back with …

Breaking News! President Putin have decided to restore Crimea territory to Ukraine. But President Poroshenko was so drunk and just declined the offer.

In which nation to you need a passport just to travel within it? Ukraine.

Russia and Ukraine. What did Russia say to Ukraine? Go Crimea River.

Why should you always wear underwear in Ukraine? Otherwise Chernobyl Fallout.

Putin is holding a press conference This is Russian joke. Putin is holding a press conference to see what problems in Russia need fixing. An old man walks up to the mic and says ""Mr. President, we are so poor, we cannot afford to eat, every night my wife and I go hungry. Can you fix this?"" Putin says ""I'm sorry, I cannot fix this."" The man continues ""Mr. President, my son is in the Army. Every day I'm worried he'll be killed in Ukraine. Can you fix this?"" Putin says ""I'm sorry, I cannot f…

Obama called Putin, but Putin put his phone on the auto-answer mode... Obama called Putin, Putin put his phone on the auto-answer mode: The auto-answer text is: ""Hello, you're calling the president of Russia, Putin. Unfortunately I'm not able to answer you now. If you want to surrender, click on: 1. If you want to threaten me with new sanctions, click on: 2. If you want to discuss the situation in Ukraine, click on: 3. All buttons except the button 1,2 and 3, activate our intercontinental rocke…

I saw a group of children crying during my visit to Kiev so I said, ""What Ukraine for?""

Ukraine What do you think about the Russian military intervention in Krimea? I think they're just Stalin. If they are, soviet, as long as they're Putin their weapons away.

Fact Every 60 seconds in Ukraine a minute passes

The Americans are aiding Ukraine in their war against Russia. Their new, revolutionary strategy is to clog the Russians arteries. They call it *Operation* *Dunkin'* *Donetsk*.

Came up with this one today How do the Russians invade the Ukraine? They rush in.

The australian deputy prime minister recently shook vladimir putins hand As he shook putins hand he said ""you need to get out of ukraine"" Vladimir replied with ""I'm not in Ukraine. I am here "" What a guy...

Why shouldn't you buy underwear made in the Ukraine? Because Chernobyl fallout.

Why shouldn't you buy underwear from the Ukraine? Chernobyl fall out.

Maybe the UN and NATO wouldn't be so upset with the Ukraine invasion if they weren't just Russian in?

Topical Jokes for 8/28/14 Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie have gotten married after ten years of dating. That's right ladies, Brad Pitt is officially ""sort-of off the market."" ...we're told Brad Pitt proposed by getting down on one knee, then knowingly chuckling to himself for nine minutes. It's been reported that more than 1,000 Russian troops are in Ukraine, despite Russia's denials. Vladimir Putin explained that the armed men aren't soldiers, there's no such place as Russia, and 1,000 isn't a …

Ukraine asks Russia to leave... Russia replies, ""Crimea river.""