#stalin

"I heard you were responsible for like 30 million deaths. That's crazy." Jimmy Fallon interviewing Stalin

[breakfast in hell] STALIN: Toast is burnt POL POT: Eggs are rotten HITLER: I hate the juice STALIN: Oh here we go HITLER: I said JUICE

Stalin, Kruschev, and Brezhnev are riding a train when it suddenly grinds to a halt. Stalin says, ""I know what to do. We shoot the conductor, the ticket collector, and ten passengers at random. Then the train will run again."" ""No, I have a better idea,"" says Kruchev. ""We tell everyone on the train that true communism is just around the corner! Then the train will run again."" ""Tovarishi, you're trying too hard,"" Brezhnev cuts in. ""We simply close the curtains, lean back and have a vodka,…

A joke my russian friend told... So stalin was giving a speech to a few hundred thousand soldiers... One soldier then sneezes in the middle of stalin's speech. Stalin stops, looks around and asks: ""who sneezed?"" there was no answer.... he asks again and sure enough no one answered - Stalin is now pissed, he doesn't like being ignored so he gets the first row executed. He asks again, and no one answers... ""execute the second row"" and BAM the second row is dead! He asks again... then a little …

Does anyone else find it ironic that Stalin was also Russian?

What happened when the communists took over the airport? The planes kept Stalin.

In Soviet Russia, a man is standing in a line to buy sausages... He says: ""That's impossible to stand for so long! I'm going to go and kill Stalin!"". After an hour, he goes back. People asked him: ""Did you kill Stalin?"". He answered: ""No, the line to kill Stalin was just longer""

Stalin is into the fifth hour of his speech, when someone sneezes ***""Who sneezed!""***, he shouts. No one answers. ***""First row, stand up""***... they obediently get on their feet. ***""Guards, shoot them""***... they're gunned down where they stood. ***""Now who sneezed?""*** ... still nothing. ***""Second row, on your feet ... guards, shoot them.""*** ***""Now who sneezed?""*** ... absolute silence. ***""Third row, stand up ... ""*** A small backbencher gets up. He's uncontrollably sobbing…

Stalin is dead and things have begun to lighten up a bit relatively speaking An old couple live in an apartment in Moscow and she sends him down to buy some meat for supper. After queueing for the obligatory three hours he gets to the counter and the woman says 'No more meat, meat finished'. He cracks and starts raving 'I fought in the Revolution, I fought for Lenin in the First World War and for Stalin in the Second World War and we are still in this shit?' One of the leather-jacketed brigade t…

Churchill, Roosevelt, and Stalin are hanging out Churchill takes out a small black notebook and starts writing something down. ""Taking notes?"", Roosevelt asks. ""No,"" Churchill says, ""I heard a new political joke about myself this morning. I collect all jokes about myself. I already have over 100 in this notebook."" ""How funny,"" Stalin says. ""I collect all jokes about myself too."" ""Oh, really?"" Churchill says. ""So how many have you got?"" ""Three prison camps so far.""

Do you know why the USSR fell nearly overnight? Because they stopped Stalin and were Russian!

Stalin loses his pipe After seeing off the Armenian delegation, Stalin looks forward to a relaxing smoke. He searches his drawer for his pipe, but can't find it. He phones is KGB headman, Lavrentiy Beria. *""Comrade Beria. Chase after the delegation and see if they have my pipe.""* 10 minutes later, Stalin phones Beria again. *""Forget it Comrade. I found my pipe in another drawer.""* *""What a pity""*, Beria says. *""They all confessed""*.

Why did Russia close all of its airports? The planes were stalin.

Why couldn't the communist negotiator save the hostages? Well, to start, he was Russian through things where he should've been Stalin for time, and his team wasn't exactly Lenin him any support. I guess you could say it was Marx'd for failure from the start.

A hostel in USSR A banker went to Moscow, and he stayed in a hostel on Moscow's outskirts. Only available room has three other people in it - a group of friends. He had a very important meeting the next day, but his roommates were loud; drinking, playing cards and telling jokes about communism, Lenin, Stalin and USSR. The banker, tired and sleepy, went to the reception. ""I'd like to order four teas to room 16, in 10 minutes"" he said to porter. Back in his room, he said loudly: ""Comrades, I he…

50s Soviet joke Who is your mother? Our great Soviet country. Who is your father? Our dear comrade Stalin. What's your greatest desire? Becoming an orphan. EDIT: Oh, I've found it in an Ukrainian school History book and decided to post it here, whynot?. Didn't expect it to get thousands of upvotes.

Stalin met Hitler in hell Hitler said : Next time, I'll kill 6 Million Jews and two Clowns! Stalin : Two clowns? Why? Hitler : See? Nobody cares about the Jews.

Stalin walks into a field Farm worker: Comrade Stalin, we have so many potatoes that, piled one on top of the other, they would reach all the way to God! Stalin: But God does not exist. Farm worker: And neither do the potatoes.

When you're Russian... There's no time for Stalin

Her: Come over, Joseph! Stalin: Can't, I'm sending people to gulag Her: My parents aren't at home Stalin: I know

Stalin took from the rich and gave it to the poor... ... and then he took both of them and put them into the Gulag for 25 years. EDIT: spelling

Stalin bragged that his death camps were better than Hitler's. Hitler responded, ""Jewish.""

Stalin was addressing an assembly of peasants in Russia... And a man in the crowd sneezed. Stalin asked: who sneezed? No one responded. Stalin says to one of his KGB cronies 'walk up to the crowd, and shoot everyone in the front row.' So the guy shoots everyone in the front row. 'Now', Stalin says, 'who sneezed?' Again, no one responded. 'Shoot everyone in the second row', so everyone in the second row gets shot. Stalin, getting impatient, asks again: who sneezed? A man in the middle of the crow…

Lenin, Hitler, and Stalin were in a plane crash. Who was saved? The Russian people

A Nazi is beating a Soviet at a political debate. The Soviet says he needs to take a bathroom break. The Nazi says: ""Now you're just Stalin"".