#lenin

An artist is commissioned to create a painting to celebrate Soviet-Polish relations... to be entitled 'Lenin in Poland'. Around a month later the artist unveils his painting to a crowd of Soviet dignitaries, and it is greeted by gasps of disgust The painting depicts Lenin's wife in bed with Leonid Trotsky One of the assembled guests asks 'But where is Lenin?' To which the artist replied, 'Lenin's in Poland'

Stalin is dead and things have begun to lighten up a bit relatively speaking An old couple live in an apartment in Moscow and she sends him down to buy some meat for supper. After queueing for the obligatory three hours he gets to the counter and the woman says 'No more meat, meat finished'. He cracks and starts raving 'I fought in the Revolution, I fought for Lenin in the First World War and for Stalin in the Second World War and we are still in this shit?' One of the leather-jacketed brigade t…

Why couldn't the communist negotiator save the hostages? Well, to start, he was Russian through things where he should've been Stalin for time, and his team wasn't exactly Lenin him any support. I guess you could say it was Marx'd for failure from the start.

A hostel in USSR A banker went to Moscow, and he stayed in a hostel on Moscow's outskirts. Only available room has three other people in it - a group of friends. He had a very important meeting the next day, but his roommates were loud; drinking, playing cards and telling jokes about communism, Lenin, Stalin and USSR. The banker, tired and sleepy, went to the reception. ""I'd like to order four teas to room 16, in 10 minutes"" he said to porter. Back in his room, he said loudly: ""Comrades, I he…

Lenin, Hitler, and Stalin were in a plane crash. Who was saved? The Russian people

Question in a Soviet radio. ""What is your favorite historic figure and why Lenin?""

1945. Lenin's ghost comes to visit Stalin Stalin tells the undead Lenin: ""See, comrade Lenin, you doubted that the Soviet people will follow me, but in fact they do!"" To which Lenin replies: ""Increase the food rations, or else the Soviet people will follow me"".

Lenin headed directly to Paradise after he died He thought he had done a lot of good for the oppressed, so he deserved retirement in Paradise. He knocked on Heaven's door: ""Knock, knock!"" God shouted from his cosmically gigantic and perfectly spherical office: ""Who's there?"" ""Vladimir Ilyich Lenin."" ""Okay, okay! The last one in be sure to close the door. It's kind of cold in here..."" God studied carefully Lenin's dossier and decided to send him to the most suitable place: Hell. A short t…

Lenin joke Vladimir Lenin (father of Russian Revolution) is walking down the street. A guy comes up to him: - Excuse me, are you Lennon? - No, I am Lenin - So, you are Lennon? - No, i am LENIN - Lennon? - FINE. (Sings) ... Yesterday ....

What are Russian clothes always made out of? Lenin.

Russian jokes Why Russians take Americans to space flights? It is necessary that at the time of landing at least someone would be sober. *** In Soviet times, Ded Moroz* fetched the bad behaved children list to Stalin. * Russian Santa Claus *** At the initiative of Russian parents in children's economic game Monopoly added bribe.* * Bribe is a common way to solve problems in Russia. *** Grandson makes soundproofing. Nearby stands his grandfather. Grandson: I wonder if 2 inches of insulation en…

Trying to buy things in Soviet Russia. (not my own creation, just ran into them and I think they should be told a lot) There was this old grandfather in Moscow who was a little confused. His neighbors knew that, so when they saw him standing outside his door with an empty shopping bag, they tried to help: ""Grandpa, what are you doing?"" ""Ah, sorry, I forgot. Do you know if I'm going out shopping or have I already returned?"" They could tell him that he wasn't away yet, so he went to see if the…

Whatr do you get when you have communist lemons? LENIN-NADE. Just smack me.

I saw Lenin pick his nose the other day... Communists have no class...

Questions and answers from Radio Athens Question: Is it true that there are two kinds of people serving as deputies of the European Parliament, as members of the European Commission, as members of the Permanent Representations of the Member States to the European Union and as members of the national Parliaments? Answer: Yes, it is absolutely true. One kind is those not capable of anything at all, and the other, those capable of anything whatsoever. Question: Is it possible for Switzerland to joi…

Who is this? An old Russian Jew, left behind decades ago when the rest of the family fled to Israel, had finally been granted permission to leave by the Soviet government. But not without a few last indignities. When he arrived at the airport, his luggage was confiscated and thoroughly searched in front of him. The customs officer, after going through his luggage, pulled out an eight pound sold metal bust of Lenin. "What is this?" the customs officer demanded. "What is this? What is this?! **…

A Russian university valedictorian (from my Russian history prof) A valedictorian at a Russian university was giving his graduation speech. As a finale, the Party Secretary who was in attendance asked the young man two rehearsed questions: "Who is your mother?" "The Party," the young man replied. "And who is your father?" the Party Secretary asked next. "Lenin," the valedictorian said. Then, unrehearsed, the Party Secretary asked a third question: "And what do you want to be when you grow u…

Lenin, Stalin, Khrushchev, Brezhnev and Gorbachev are sitting together on a train... The train breaks down. Lenin tries to rally the workers to work together and get the train running again. When that fails, Stalin lines up all the workers and shoots them. When that doesn't help, Khrushchev tries to reform the workers back to life. When that also fails, Brezhnev pulls down all the curtains in the rail car and says "let's just pretend the train is moving." After sitting in the dark for a while,…

An old Jewish man is leaving the Soviet Union An old Jewish man was finally allowed to leave the Soviet Union, to emigrate to Israel. When he was searched at the Moscow airport, the customs official found a bust of Lenin. Customs: What is that? Old man: What is that? What is that?! Don't say "What is that?" say "Who is that?" That is Lenin! The genius who thought up this worker's paradise! The official laughed and let the old man through. The old man arrived at Tel Aviv airport, where an Is…

Lenin in Poland In the early 1970's Brezhnev announces to the Politburo that he is making a state visit to Poland, and that in honor of the trip he wishes to bring the Polish people a momentous gift. It is decided that Brezhnev should bring a large painting entitled "Lenin In Poland." After all, what could be a more meaningful expression of Soviet-Polish solidarity than a portrait of Lenin, the god of Soviet communism, visiting Poland? Unfortunately, Lenin never visited Poland, and the "great m…

What is that? An old Jewish man was finally allowed to leave the Soviet Union, to emigrate to Israel. When he was searched at the Moscow airport, the customs official found a bust of Lenin. Customs: What is that? Old man: What is that? What is that?! Don't say "What is that?" say "Who is that?" That is Lenin! The genius who thought up this worker's paradise! The official laughed and let the old man through. The old man arrived at Tel Aviv airport, where an Israeli customs official found the bu…

Moscow, 1978. Two mothers are bragging about their sons... "My Boria", the first mother says, "is just like young Marx! He's constantly either reading or writing!". "Ha, that's nothing", the second mother says. "My Vovka is just like young Lenin! He's constantly either in prison or in hiding!".

Lenin in Poland An artist is commissioned by the USSR to make a painting commemorating relations between the Soviet Union and Poland, to be titled "Lenin in Poland." A large ceremony is held at the Kremlin for its unveiling. When the painting is revealed, the guests gasp — the painting shows Lenin's wife in bed with Leon Trotsky. "This is a travesty!" Shouts one guest. "Where is Lenin?" The painter replies "Lenin is in Poland."

Old Soviet jokes get more relevant everyday. A few years into Kruschev's reign an old man was in line at the meat market. He waited, and waited, and after 3 hours just couldn't take it anymore. He started yelling "Goddammit! I fought for Lenin in the civil war, I fought for Stalin in World War II! And we're still stuck in this bullshit!" A guard comes over and leads him away from the crowd. "Now come on, old man, you know you can't talk like that! What's the matter with you? Just think - a few…

Lenin in Warsaw A Soviet filmmaker makes a film called “Lenin in Warsaw.” Everybody shows up for the premiere. The film opens—on Lenin's wife