#santa-claus

SANTA: I don't need a surveillance guy. I see all! ELF ON SHELF: Seen these? [shows pics of Mommy kissing Santa Claus] S: When can u start

You lied! Santa Claus is NOT real, mom! If "mom" is even your real name... [Neighbor to mom] hi Susan! *kid faints*

When someone rings the doorbell I say to my kids, "I think it's Santa Claus!" so I don't have to get up.

just saw a church sign that says, "santa claus never died for anyone." and i'm like, "okay well jesus never brought me a barbie dreamhouse."

i love working at the post office at the north pole and ripping up white children's letters to santa claus

"I saw mommy kissing santa claus" has the same number of syllables as "I saw someone die at Disney World." Life's funny like that.

Christmas always sucked when I was a kid because I believed in Santa Claus, and unfortunately, so did my parents. #Christmas

I saw Mommy kissing Santa Claus. The FedEx guy, and the Walmart greeter. Mom's kind of a slut.

I saw mommy kissing Santa Claus. Then he put a black rubber ball in her mouth with a strap around her head I'm just telling you what I saw

What do Me, Santa Claus and the Easter Bunny have in common? You guessed it: we're all white.

Santa Claus uses foreign elves to make his toys. It's time to bring those jobs back to America. Huge tariffs coming to the North Pole!

Someone just told me "if you don't believe in Santa Claus, he'll never visit!" So on that note, I no longer believe in cancer.

If I were Santa Claus, I'd have my agent be like "He's not doing it this year if Ronald McDonald is going to be there in that shoe car."

I saw Mommy kissing Santa Claus. Then I saw her arguing with him about money. Now I see Santa drinking by himself.

I saw Kony kissing Santa Claus

The 4 stage of life: 1. You believe in Santa Claus 2. You don't believe in Santa Claus 3. You are Santa Clause 4. You look like Santa Claus

There are 4 stages in life 1)You believe in Santa Claus 2)You don't believe in Santa Claus 3)You are Santa Claus 4)You look like Santa Claus

Dear kids, There is NO Santa Claus. Those presents are from your parents. "With love, WikiLeaks"

Kanye West agreed to play Santa Claus under the condition that children had to ask him what he wanted for Christmas.

The year is 2200. All fossil fuels are depleted. Our only source for coal is Santa Claus. Everyone must be naughty for the sake of mankind.

If you're pissed off about a non-white Santa Claus then I've got some very bad news for you about Jesus.

I bet Taylor Swift still believes in Santa Claus.

"I am Santa Claus." "No you're not." "Yes I am." "Ok." - Miracle on 34th Street in tweet form.

Kids these days think Christmas is all about getting presents instead of celebrating the birth of Santa Claus.

What's the difference between Santa Claus & Michael Jackson? one comes when children dream & the other dreams of children coming*.