#fedex

Sometimes I find it hard to express myself because FedEx hears me breathing.

FedEx missed me and left a note saying I can pick up my delivery, but joke's on them -- I no longer have the strength to do anything at all

I saw Mommy kissing Santa Claus. The FedEx guy, and the Walmart greeter. Mom's kind of a slut.

If you date someone working for the federal government and then break up, does he become FedEx? #oksorry

My FedEx guy knocks on the door like his son is dying and I'm the town doctor.

Not saying I'm desperate enough for a mail order bride, but did just check to see how much FedEx charges for 125 pounds from Krasnoyarsk.

Our FedEx guy keeps delivering diapers & formula but I didn't order any. And he cries when he holds the baby. Weird, huh?

Last night I dreamt about you again. I dreamt that we were together. I was happy. I was truly happy. For the first time in a long while. Then I woke up, and I waited for you. I waited all day for you. I waited for you to walk up the path and knock on my front door. I must've watched at least sixty people pass by, but I never saw you. I never saw you looking at the numbers on the letterboxes, trying to find the right one. I never saw you glance at the front door and break into a smile as you see …

So, my friend and his wife are expecting a baby True story. My friend works for FedEx. He is a cancer survivor and wasn't supposed to be able to have more children. He looked me dead in the eyes, ""If it comes out brown, its the UPS guys"".

I would tell you a FedEx joke... but you'd probably wouldn't receive it until a week or so.

There is going to be a merger between FedEx and UPS.. Yep, they're going to be called ""FedUp""

I got a job at FedEx OP delivered

Here's a FedEx joke http://imgur.com/UiGwU3e

I know a great joke about a FedEx plane but it's probably over your head.

Bloody FedEx... I've been waiting all day for my punchline

So FedEx and UPS merged... the new company will be called FedUp

I wanted to tell you a FedEx joke... But there was already one yesterday, and I don't want you to get FedUp.

Sorry we missed you In 3 days your package will be available at your second closest FedEx location

Messing with FedEx So, for work, I have schedule FedEx pickups a lot. Recently I decided to have some fun with it. When I fill out the form, I put a strange name in the contact info. I'm just going to go until they notice. Day One: Lord Farquaad Day Two: Princess Humperdink So far nothing. And yes, I am making them more outlandish. Where's the fun in being quiet about it?

My girlfriend works at the FBI, but she got really disillusioned with the whole thing, so she cut back on her hours and got a job part-time job with a freight company, shortly after that she told me we were no longer working... Now she's my FedEx

FedEx and UPS are merging. Everyone is now Fed-Up

It would be so much more ""festive"" if UPS and FEDEX guys dressed as Santa while delivering packages during the holiday season

I love my FedEx guy cause he's a drug dealer and he doesn't even know it and he's always on time.

If FedEx and Ups merged would they call it Fed UP?

my girlfriend is a lot like the Fedex guy. She only comes when I'm not home.