[wife leaving for the weekend] "Baby formula is in the cupbo--" "I think I know how to make a baby. Now go & enjoy your dad's funeral."

[wife gets home] did you feed the baby his spinach today? [me doing push ups] hell no I'm not letting that baby get stronger than me

A man converts his face into a pasta maker. ""This new gadget provides healthy eating for all,"" he informs his wife. ""Max, please, our child is dead,"" cries his wife. ""It's economic, too,"" says the man. He pops out a sheet of pasta. ""This type of pasta can be used for - "" His wife grabs him by the scruff of his neck and starts shaking him, and she shakes, and shakes, and she wails and screams and howls over the loss of her son. -Chriddof

Theme 2: Polish --Q: How do you get a one-armed Pole out of a tree? --A: Wave to him. Q: What is long and hard that a Polish bride gets on her wedding night? A: A new last name. --Q: Did you hear about the Pole who studied for 5 days? --A: He was scheduled to take a urine test. A 747 recently crashed in a cemetery in Poland. Polish officials have so far retrieved 2000 bodies. --Two Poles emigrated to America. On their first day off the boat in New York City, they spied a hot dog vendor in the st…