Just left WalMart. All the cute well behaved kids must be at Target.

When someone rings the doorbell I say to my kids, "I think it's Santa Claus!" so I don't have to get up.

FedEx missed me and left a note saying I can pick up my delivery, but joke's on them -- I no longer have the strength to do anything at all

Culturally speaking... Having a McDonald's in a WalMart is like finding a cyst in a tumour.