Sometimes I find it hard to express myself because FedEx hears me breathing.

I saw Mommy kissing Santa Claus. The FedEx guy, and the Walmart greeter. Mom's kind of a slut.

If you date someone working for the federal government and then break up, does he become FedEx? #oksorry

My FedEx guy knocks on the door like his son is dying and I'm the town doctor.