#santa-claus

What do you get if you deep fry Santa Claus? Crisp Cringle.

JUDY: What did the ghosts say to Santa Claus? MIKE: We'll have a boo Christmas without you.

"Santa Claus" A girl is sitting at the edge of a tall building, contemplating suicide on Christmas day. Santa Claus sees the girl and sits down beside her. "What's wrong my child?" asks the man. "I have no job, no friends and no one who loves me and today i'm reminded of this even more.. there's no point." Santa Claus thinks for a moment and replies: "What if i were to grant you 3 wishes, would that change your mind?" The girl's eyes light up and she asks for her first wish " I want a beau…

Tasty Tattoo My girl just got a tattoo of a turkey on one thigh and Santa Claus on the other. She wants to show that there *is* something good to eat in between Thanksgiving and Christmas.

Two boys were walking home from church after hearing a strong preaching on the devil... One said to the other, "What do you think about all this Satan stuff?" The other boy replied, "Well, you know how Santa Claus turned out. It's probably just your dad"

Christmas Jokes! Saw these Christmas one-liners. If everyone is drunk at Christmas, these might be funny! Q: What do you call an elf who sings? A: a wrapper! Q: Why is Christmas just like your job? A: You do all the work and the fat guy with the suit gets all the credit. Q: Why is Santa so jolly? A: Because he knows where all the naughty girls live. Q: Why doesn’t Santa have any kids? A: He only comes once a year. Q: Whats the difference between the Christmas alphabet and the ordinary alp…

A little boy wrote to Santa Claus... One day, a little boy wrote to Santa Claus, "Please send me a sister." Santa Claus wrote him back, "Ok, send me your mother."

My dad was a complicated man. He was a huge racist, my dad, but he still tried to be a good father, you know? Like, he would tell me that Santa Claus was black — that way, when I found out he didn't exist, it wouldn't be that big a let down.

Is There a Santa Claus? An Engineer's Perspective Author’s note: All numerical values, calculations and estimates are, of course, indubitably accurate. The first and foremost thing to take into account to properly begin the proof is the number of children Santa Claus must visit each Christmas. There are approximately two billion children (persons under 18) in the world. However, since Santa does not visit children of Muslim, Hindu, Jewish, Buddhist (except maybe in Japan) and other non-Christ…

Christmas always sucked when I was a kid... I believed in Santa Claus, and unfortunately, so did my parents.

There are four stages in your life involving Santa Claus. First you believe in Santa Claus, then you don't believe in Santa Claus, then you are Santa Claus to your family, and then you look like Santa Claus.

Christmas always sucked when I was a kid because I believed in Santa Claus and unfortunately, so did my parents.

One Christmas, a little boy wrote to Santa Claus saying, “Please send me a sister.” Santa Claus wrote him back, “OK, please send me your mother.”

A child asked Santa Claus “How did your reindeer get their names?” Santa replied, “I named them after memories, like pranced frolicking through the snow!” “What about Donner?” the child asked. A shadow settled on Santa’s face, and after a moment he began: “The year was 1847, and snowfall had trapped us in the Sierra Nevada ….”

What nationality is Santa Claus? North Polish

Some poor children in Victorian London were listening to Christmas songs They heard that Santa Claus gives coal to children who aren´t on his nice list, and so they commit as many petty crimes as possible to be on his naughty list so as to not die of hypothermia.

Santa Jingle… He's making a list. He's checking it twice. Gonna find out who's naughty or nice. Santa Claus is in violation of the General Data Protection Regulation (EU) 2016/679

Post office joke A post office received a letter from a little boy named Billy addressed to Santa Claus. They look at each other and, not knowing what to do with this, decide to read it out loud and have some fun. The letter goes something like this: “Dear Santa, our dad left us recently, my mom lost her job, so now I don’t have anything to wear during the winter as we can’t afford buying any new clothes… Can you please send me a winter coat, some gloves and a scarf? I’ve been a good boy the wh…

Santa Claus had started feeling like he was losing some of his mojo at one point... ... so in recent years, he had taken to periodically stopping during his annual Christmas Eve present run to take in words of wisdom from spiritual leaders from various backgrounds all over the world, hoping that someone could re-ignite that spark for him that made Christmas special. Eventually, he realized that it wasn't just him - the reindeer were tired, his sleigh was starting to look a bit run-down, and ev…

TIL Santa Claus is European.. North Polish to be exact

What do Santa Claus and my dad have in common? I’ve never met the real one...

My drunk uncle is Santa Claus He breaks into my house

Why is santa claus so happy? He know where all the naughty girls live.

Whats the difference between Santa Claus and a pimp? Santa stops at 3 HOs.

Santa Claus is such and arsehole He know where all the naughty girls are