#santa-claus

A good lawyer, Santa Claus, and an honest politician enter an elevator. They see a five dollar bill on the ground. Who picks it up? Santa. The other two don't exist.

A white racist, a black racist, Santa Claus, the tooth fairy, the easter bunny, the terminator, and that girl from out of town that you hooked up once with at a party walked into a restaurant. The Maitre D turns to the white racist and ask, ""Table for one?""

What is the difference... What is the difference between Santa Claus and Tiger Woods? Santa stops at three hoes.

What's the difference between Santa Claus and a Jew? Santa goes down the chimney.

What's the difference between Santa Claus and Tiger Woods? Santa stops at three hoes. (sorry if repost)

Santa went to the doctor's Santa Claus went to the doctor's with a mince pie stuck up his arse. The doctor took one look at it and said ""no worries, I can give you some cream for that.""

How many reindeers does Santa Claus have? Santa Claus has 10 reindeers according to the song. >You know **Dasher** and **Dancer** and **Prancer** and **Vixen**, **Comet** and **Cupid** and **Donner** and **Blitzen**, but do you recall the most famous reindeer of all? **Rudolph** the Red-Nosed Reindeer, had a very shiny nose. And if you ever saw it, you would even say it glows. **Olof** the other reindeer used to laugh and call him names

Santa Claus came early! Mrs. Claus wasn't too happy.

Can I have your picture, So Santa Claus knows exactly what to give me on this CHRISTMAS.

I never believed in Santa Claus because I knew no white dude would come into my neighborhood after dark.

Santa Claus has the right idea. Visit people once a year.

When you stop believing in Santa Claus is when you start getting clothes for Christmas!

What is the best evidence that Microsoft has a monopoly? Santa Claus had to switch from Chimneys to Windows.

The 3 stages of man: He believes in Santa Claus. He doesn't believe in Santa Claus. He is Santa Claus.

I think Santa Claus is a woman .... I hate to be the one to defy sacred myth, but I believe he's a she. Think about it. Christmas is a big, organized, warm, fuzzy, nurturing social deal, and I have a tough time believing a guy could possibly pull it all off! For starters, the vast majority of men don't even think about selecting gifts until Christmas Eve. It's as if they are all frozen in some kind of Ebenezerian Time Warp until 3 p.m. on Dec. 24th, when they - with amazing calm - call other err…

SCHIZOPHRENIA: Do you Hear What I Hear? MULTIPLE PERSONALITY DISORDER: We Three Kings Disoriented Are DEMENTIA: I Think I'll Be Home for Christmas NARCISSISTIC: Hark the Herald Angels Sing About Me MANIC: Deck the Halls and Walls and House and Lawn and Streets and Stores and Office and Town and Cars and Busses and Trucks and Trees and Fire Hydrants and ... PARANOID: Santa Claus is Coming to Get Me. PERSONALITY DISORDER: You Better Watch Out, I'm Gonna Cry, I'm Gonna Pout, Maybe I'll tell you Why…

1. Schizophrenia --- Do You Hear What I Hear? 2. Multiple Personality Disorder --- We Three Queens Disoriented Are 3. Amnesia --- I Don't Know if I'll be Home for Christmas 4. Narcissistic --- Hark the Herald Angels Sing About Me 5. Manic --- Deck the Halls and Walls and House and Lawn and Streets and Stores and Office and Town and Cars and Buses and Trucks and Trees and Fire Hydrants and ... 6. Paranoid --- Santa Claus is Coming to Get Me 7. Borderline Personality Disorder --- Thoughts of Roast…

Little Johnny & the Devil A Sunday school teacher asked Little Johnny, ""Do you believe in the Devil?"" ""No,"" said Little Johnny. ""It's the same as Santa Claus. I know it's my daddy.""

- Santa Claus one smart and one stupid policeman are walking together when they spotted hundred dollars on the ground. Who will take the money? - ??? - Stupid policeman since Santa Claus and the smart policeman don't exist.

Republicans first began thinking like Republicans when they stopped believing in Santa Claus. Democrats became Democrats because they never stopped believing in Santa Claus.

Q: If you were out in the woods who would you trust for directions an in-tune tenor sax player an out-of-tune tenor sax player or Santa Claus? A: The out-of-tune sax player! You were hallucinating the other two.

What does the bee Santa Claus say ? Ho hum hum !

If Santa Claus and Mrs. Claus had a child what would he be called? A subordinate claus.

Why does Santa Claus only have seven reindeer? Because Prancer moved in with a hairdresser in Beverly Hills.

How does Santa Claus take pictures? With his North Pole-aroid.