My telethon to raise money for starving children in Africa was a huge flop. I didn't know the TV added 10 pounds. Those kids looked fine. :(

I totally get your eyebrows. My bank account is overdrawn, too.

It's actually a good thing money doesn't grow on trees because I've killed every plant I've ever owned.

Money may not buy happiness, but pondering your problems on a tropical island would sure beat pondering them on your couch.