#michelle

*Obama approaches podium* Fellow Americans, I like cookies with raisins in them *press starts booing* They're good & healthy *Michelle nods*

Co-worker: "If you love something, set it free, if it comes back it's yours to k.." Me - "THOSE ARE BOOMERANGS, MICHELLE."

Never underestimate a well placed "that's what she said". Unless your boss is standing behind you. Thanks for the heads up Michelle.

One difference between Men & Women is nicknames. Woman: This is Michelle, we call her Shelly Man: This is Johnny, we call him Long Nuts

Michelle Obama & Melania Trump meeting: *shaking hands* Michelle: Hi, I'm Michelle. Melania: Hi, I'm Michelle.

- Michelle, we must break up... - Oh, I'll kill myself! - That's a nice bonus. Thank you!

A man goes to a Halloween party with a woman on his back. The host asks him, ""And what are you?"" The man says, ""I'm a snail."" The host says, ""And who's that on your back?"" And the man says, ""That's Michelle!""

Obama and Putin have a discussion.. Putin: Let's just talk about this man to man.. Obama: Ok one moment, let me get Michelle. My uncle told it much better but I can't remember how he said it. Feel free to repost it if you can format it better.

A man is walking around a costume party dressed in green with a woman on his shoulder When asked what he was he said he was a tortoise. Then when asked about the woman he replied ""she's Michelle"".

On the last day of Barack's presidency, he and Donald Trump go to the same barbershop to get their hair done. Barbers decide not to talk about politics, and everybody ends up not talking at all. The air is so tense. it could be almost cut with the barber's knife. Donald's hair gets finished first, and when the barber tries to apply some cologne to it, Donald goes nuts ""Are you out of your mind? I can't go to my house smelling like I've been in a brothel. Melania would go crazy"". Right at that …

I look forward to hearing Michelle Obama's speech again. At the 2020 RNC.

Why don't Donald Trump's fans care that his wife ripped off Michelle Obama's speech? Because none of them got to the point in school when they explained plagiarism is wrong

Joe, Barrack, and Michele are out for dinner After a long day working at the White House, Obama decides to sit down for dinner with Biden and Michele. Even though he was aware of Biden's peanut allergy, Barrack decides to prank Biden by asking the White House chef to put peanuts in his food. When the food finally comes, Biden is furious. ""Barrack! I've told you many times that I am very allergic to peanuts."" Michelle steps in to defend her husband. ""Calm down Joe! Honest mistakes happen and h…

Bush and Obama are standing together at the urinals... Bush and Obama are standing together at the urinals draining the ole lizards, when a curious Obama glances over at Bush' wanker: ""My God George W. That is the biggest pecker I've ever seen on a white man. How'd you come by it?"" ""Well Barry,"" answered Bush chuckling. ""Heheheh. That's a long story for it wasn't always as large as it is today. However I cannot reveal to you how I got it to such an enormous size for that is a closely held s…

ObamaCare explained by a Chicago Plumber to Obama himself Chicago Plumber Only weeks after leaving office on January 20, 2017, former President Barack Obama discovers a leak under his sink, so he calls Troy the Plumber to come out and fix it. Troy drives to President Obama's new house, which is located in a very exclusive, gated community near Chicago, where all the residents have a net income of way more than $250,000 per year. Troy arrives and takes his tools into the house. He is led to the g…

Jean-Claude and Michelle are a couple living in France. One day, Jean-Claude comes home from work in the snail factory and his super hairy-legged girlfriend Michelle says: ""Jean-Claude, today ze light-bulb, it has gone out. You must change it for me."" And after guzzling a bottle of wine and reading a boring and absurdly incomprehensible novel about nothingness, Jean-Claude says, ""What am I? Ze Electricien?"" The next day, Jean-Claude comes home from work in his silly little car that has a hor…

What did Obama say when he proposed to Michelle? ""I don't wanna be o-ba-ma self."" _________ (Not original)

A conversation on Air Force One Persident Obama, Oprah, and Michelle were all flying on Air Force One one day. Obama turned to Oprah, chuckled, and said ""You know, I could throw a $1000 bill out of the window right now and make someone very happy."" Oprah shrugged her shoulders and replied, ""I could throw ten $100 bills out of the window and make ten people very happy."" Michelle added, ""Well if that's the case, I could throw one hundred $10 bills out of the window and make one hundred people…

The Obamas are on Air Force One Natasha and Malia Ann say they have a delightful plan. They want to throw five $20 bills out the window and make five people happy. Michelle pipes up and says ""You guys are thinking too small, we need to throw ten $10 bills out of the window and make ten people happy"". Barack pipes up and says ""You guys are STILL thinking too small. We need to throw one hundred $1 bills out of the window and make one hundred people happy"". The pilot turns around and says ""You…

What is Michelle Obama's favorite dish to cook? Baracolli

why can't you hear michelle pfeiffer in the bathroom? Because the P is silent.

I felt the hate rise up in me I've felt the hate rise up in me Kneel down and clear the stone of leaves I wander out where you can't see Inside Michelle I wait and bleed... It's funny because Michelle had an abortion

Barack Obama walks into a Halloween Party with the First Lady on his shoulders... ...the doorman says, ""Excuse me Mr. President, but this is a Halloween party. Why aren't you dressed up?"" Obama says, ""I am dressed up! I'm a snail. I got Michelle on my back.""

Michelle takes Sasha and Malia on a trip to Paris for the week. Wanks Obama.

A Washington, DC flea goes to book a vacation with his travel agent because he's been cooped up in a K Street lobbyist's crotch for the past 8 months and he feels overworked. So his travel agent says, ""You won't believe the package I've got for you! Fifteen days in Obama's haircan you believe it? He's going to be at Camp David the whole time, it should be real nice and relaxing."" The flea says yes and heads out to Camp David. But two days later he comes back to his travel agent and says, ""Wel…