#eric

"Follow me!" Me: Don't tell me what to do, ERIC!!! (Me at an exercise class)

[text] "Hey" Hi. "I'm just laying in bed thinking about you." This is your mom. "New phone who dis?" Eric, that doesn't work. You texted me.

Met this chinese guy with the surname Shen. His name's Eric. As in Eric Shen. Have him for more than 4hours, call a doctor!

JOSH: Hey dad DAD: Oh my god is your name still Josh JOSH: Um yeah DAD: We're changing it JOSH: No please don- DAD: It's done ERIC: What the

I wonder if Jesus would have been as popular if his name was Eric.

I bet 2 guys named Eric would have an easier time starting a sleepover camp for infants than 2 guys named Sid.

You've taken 3 pregnancy tests this month. "What's your point" My point is that your shoplifting is odd and out of control Eric.

[phone rings in 1984] "Eric get the phone" Hello? "Tell em I'm not home." She's not home. "Ask who it is." My mom wants to know who this is.

Differences between men and women. 1. NAMES If Laurie, Linda, Elizabeth and Barbara go out for lunch, they will call each other Laurie, Linda, Elizabeth, and Barbara. If Mark, Chris, Eric and Tom go out, they will affectionately refer to each other as Fat Boy, Godzilla, Peanut-Head, and Scrappy. 2. EATING OUT When the bill arrives, Mark, Chris, Eric and Tom will each throw in a $20, even though it's only for $32.50. None of them will have anything smaller and none will actually admit they want c…

Two of the Trump children were cheating on an exam.. The first question was ""Old MacDonald had a ______."" Eric tried to see Tiffany's paper, couldn't, so whispered ""Tiffany, what's the answer to number 1?"" She rolled her eyes and said ""You are the stupid one of the family. It's Old MacDonald had a farm, everyone knows that."" ""Oh right!"" said Eric. He hesitates a minute then whispers ""Hey Tiffany, how do you spell farm?"" She rolls her eyes again, ""Wow, you really are dumb. They tell yo…

The phone rings at the local police station. ""Hello? I'm calling to report my neighbor, Craig. He is hiding marijuana inside his firewood!"" ""Thank you very much for the call, sir."" The next day, policemen descend on the neighbor's house. They search the shed where the firewood is kept. Using axes, they bust open every piece of wood, but find no marijuana. They swear at the neighbors and leave. The phone rings at the neighbors house. Hey, Craig, did the police come?"" ""Yep."" ""Did they chop…

What did Eric say to his classmates on the last day of school? ""Do you believe in God?""

A woman had five sons. A woman had five sons: Alex, Bill, Chad, Doug, and Eric. One day, the woman gets a phone call from the hospital. The doctor says, ""I'm so sorry to tell you this, but your son was in a car accident and broke his leg."" ""Oh no!"" She responds, ""Which one?"" The doctor answers, ""The left leg.""

I used to have a 2 year old son, he died the same way Eric Clapton's son died... For inspiration

Granted. A plane crashed in a deserted island. All but 3 friends died. They walked around the island and stumbled upon a magic lamp. They rubbed it and a genie appear and grants them 1 wish each. John wished, ""I wish I was in a castle with lots of food"". ""Granted"", says the Genie. And poof! John disappeared and went to a castle. Anthony wished to be home with his family. ""Granted"", says the Genie. And poof! Anthony disappeared and the next thing he know, he's with his family. Now the last …

Eric Clapton's son was a prolific writer by the age of 4 and a half... He did 49 stories in 7 seconds.

White Horse A white horse walks into a bar, and orders a beer. He moves aside, minds his own business; but the barkeep hasn't had such an unusual patron for a long time. He's curious. He ransacks his brain, and can't come up with a better line than... ""you know, there's a whiskey named after you?"" And the white horse replies: ""What? Eric?""

A journalist is interviewing Eric Clapton, After a few questions he says to Eric, ""Mr. Clapton. I know you aren't a physicist but which falls out of a window faster. A bag of cocaine, or a child?"" Clapton looks shocked and replies. ""Why the hell would I let a bag of cocaine fall out a window?""

Eric is in Hospital Who the hell is Eric ? Well,Eric is the geezer who got home late one night: Marilyn his wife was waiting for him with .... ""Where the hell have you been?"" Eric replies ""I was getting a tattoo!"" ""A tattoo? What kind of tattoo did you get?"" ""I got a hundred quid note tattooed on my willy"" he said proudly. ""What the hell were you thinking?"" she said, shaking her head in disgust. ""Why on earth would a Chartered Accountant get a hundred quid note tattooed on his willy?"…

A horse walks into a pub and the bartender says, ""hey we've got a drink named after you"". The horse responded, ""what, Eric, really""?

What did Eric Garner's wife say to him? Would it kill you to go sell a few cigarettes? too soon?

My friend Eric is having some real issues and shit is real bad for him... He's constipated

Sam 'n' Eric decide to be more grown up by cursing... Their mother wakes them for breakfast, and asks them what they want to eat. Sam says ""Aw, hell, gimme some Cheerios."" Furious, his mother backhands him across the kitchen, turns to Eric and asks ""What do *you* want to eat?"" Eric stammers ""I-I-I dunno, but it sure ain't gonna be none of those damn Cheerios!""

A Washington, DC flea goes to book a vacation with his travel agent because he's been cooped up in a K Street lobbyist's crotch for the past 8 months and he feels overworked. So his travel agent says, ""You won't believe the package I've got for you! Fifteen days in Obama's haircan you believe it? He's going to be at Camp David the whole time, it should be real nice and relaxing."" The flea says yes and heads out to Camp David. But two days later he comes back to his travel agent and says, ""Wel…

A white horse walks into a bar... 'Hello' said the barman, 'what can I get you?' 'I'll have a whisky if I may.' 'Certainly sir, which would you fancy?' 'Well, I'm not sure, what do you have?' 'Ah, let's see, we have Black & White or Cutty Sark - we even have one named after you sir.' 'Really? Eric?'