#elizabeth

Differences between men and women. 1. NAMES If Laurie, Linda, Elizabeth and Barbara go out for lunch, they will call each other Laurie, Linda, Elizabeth, and Barbara. If Mark, Chris, Eric and Tom go out, they will affectionately refer to each other as Fat Boy, Godzilla, Peanut-Head, and Scrappy. 2. EATING OUT When the bill arrives, Mark, Chris, Eric and Tom will each throw in a $20, even though it's only for $32.50. None of them will have anything smaller and none will actually admit they want c…

Queen Elizabeth and Dolly Parton die on the same day, but are told only one can get into the pearly gates. St. Peter asks Queen Elizabeth what makes her special enough to enter Heaven. Elizabeth takes out a douche bottle and douches herself. St. Peter asks Dolly what makes her special enough to get into Heaven. Dolly opens up her shirt and flashes her chest. St. Peter lets Queen Elizabeth in instead of Dolly, because a royal flush always beats a good pair.

One day during a game on the golf course I accidentally overturned my golf cart. Elizabeth, a very attractive and keen golfer who lives in a villa on the golf course, heard the noise and called out, ""Are you okay?"" ""I'm fine thanks,"" I replied. ""My name's Jack,"" I said and introduced myself. ""Jack, forget your troubles. Come to my villa, rest a while, and I'll help you get the cart up later,"" she suggested. ""That's mighty nice of you,"" I answered, ""but I don't think my wife would like…

What's Lisbeth's twin sister's name who enjoys spending time on the internet?... ...Elizabeth.

It would be terrifying if Elizabeth I were alive today... ... Because she's dead. Note: Credit goes to my dryly-sarcastic history professor.

Why Are Firetrucks Red? Firetrucks have 4 wheels and carry 8 men. 4 + 8 = 12 There are 12 inches in a ruler. Queen Elizabeth was a ruler. There was once a ship named Elizabeth that sailed the seas. Fish live in the seas. Fish have fins. People from Finland are called Fins. Finland and Russia had a war a long time ago. Russia has red on its flag. And that's why they're red. Cause they're always *russian* around.

Maths teacher: If you have 12 chocolates and you give 5 to Mary, 3 to Claire and 2 to Elizabeth then what will you get? Me: 3 new girlfriends.

Daniel and Ginny are walking down the street one evening. As they pass one house, they hear loud shouting and crashes inside. Peter and Elizabeth Jones live there and are having a fierce argument. At the height of the quarrel, Peter picks up a table lamp, rips it out of the wall, and hurls it at Elizabeth. Elizabeth ducks, and the lamp flies past her through the window. It sails over Daniel and Ginny's heads. Daniel looks up and exclaims, ""Soft! What light through yonder window breaks!""

A Marine received a "Dear John" letter from his girlfriend back home... It read as follows: --- *Michael*, *I can no longer continue our relationship. The distance between us is too great and too long. I must confess that I have cheated on you twice, and this situation is not fair for either of us. I'm really sorry.* *Love, Elizabeth* *P.S. Please return the picture you have of me* --- The Marine, his feelings hurt, asked his fellow Marines for any snapshots they had of mothers, sisters,…

Men vs Women **1. NAMES** If Laurie, Linda, Elizabeth and Barbara go out for lunch, they will call each other Laurie, Linda, Elizabeth and Barbara. If Mark, Chris, Eric and Tom go out, they will affectionately refer to each other as Fat Boy, Godzilla, Peanut-Head and Scrappy. **2. EATING OUT** When the bill arrives, Mark, Chris, Eric and Tom will each throw in $20, even though it's only for $32.50. None of them will have anything smaller and none will actually admit they want change back. …

Why are firetrucks red? You see, firetrucks have 4 wheels, can carry 8 men and 4+ 8 = 12. There are 12 inches in a ruler and Queen Elizabeth was a ruler. There was once a ship named Elizabeth that sailed the seas. Fish live in the seas and fish have fins. People from Finland are called Fins. Finland and Russia had a war a long time ago. Russia has red on its flag and that's why they're red. Cause they're always russian around.