#chris

[High school reunion] Hey guys! Remember me!? "No" How about now? *puts an entire toilet on my head* (in unison) CHRIS!

Two Christians Were walking in the desert.... They began to feel very hungry and thirsty. Then they saw a nearby mosque. Their names were Chris and Michael and Chris suggested to change names to Muslim names so they would give them food. Chris changed his to Ahmed but Michael refused and didn't change it. They approached the Sheikh of the mosque and the Sheikh asked "" What are your names?"" Chris replied ""My name is Ahmed and this is Michael"" The Sheikh quickly stood up and said ""Quickly get…

The Irish Millionaire Mick, from Dublin , appeared on 'Who Wants To Be A Millionaire' and towards the end of the program had already won 500,000 euros. ""You've done very well so far,"" said Chris Tarrant, the show's presenter, ""but for a million Euros you've only got one life-line left, phone a friend. Everything is riding on this question. Will you go for it?"" ""Sure,"" said Mick. ""I'll have a go!"" ""Which of the following birds does NOT build its own nest? a) Sparrow b) Thrush, c) Magpie,…

Differences between men and women. 1. NAMES If Laurie, Linda, Elizabeth and Barbara go out for lunch, they will call each other Laurie, Linda, Elizabeth, and Barbara. If Mark, Chris, Eric and Tom go out, they will affectionately refer to each other as Fat Boy, Godzilla, Peanut-Head, and Scrappy. 2. EATING OUT When the bill arrives, Mark, Chris, Eric and Tom will each throw in a $20, even though it's only for $32.50. None of them will have anything smaller and none will actually admit they want c…

A little story about my mate Dave So my mate Dave-- he's a pretty good lad. Nice house, nice friends, a solid job. All around he's got an easy life. But there was just one problem. He didn't have anyone to share it with. So, he goes up to my other mate Chris and he says, ""Chris, what's wrong with me, why can't I get a girlfriend?"" ""I'll be honest Dave. It's because you're obsessed with tractors."" And it was true! Dave was absolutely obsessed with tractors. He had tractor wallpaper, bedding, …

A couple in the bed. ""Let's do it, goodbye Virginity!"" ""I'm not sure, what if I get pregnant?"" ""You won't, I'm sure"" ""Promise me you won't, John"" ""I promise, Chris""

What is Chris Brown's new girlfriends' name? Beats Me

What's Chris Brown's favorite professional sport? Sockher

is that your final answer Mick, from Dublin , appeared on 'Who Wants To Be A Millionaire' and towards the end of the program had already won 500,000 euros. ""You've done very well so far,"" said Chris Tarrant, the show's presenter, ""but for a million euros you've only got one life-line left, phone a friend. Everything is riding on this question. Will you go for it?"" ""Sure,"" said Mick. ""I'll have a go!"" ""Which of the following birds does NOT build its own nest? a) Sparrow... b) Thrush, c) …

My grandpa Lloyd was 5'5"", and his brother Chris was 6'3"". When they were growing up... ...and it became clear that they were going to have a significant difference in their heights, Lloyd asked Chris if he was doing anything special to become so tall. Chris leaned in close and quietly said, ""It sounds silly, but every night before I go to bed, I sneak into the pantry, take a handful of lard, and rub it all over my body. Ever since I started doing this, I've grown an inch every month."" So th…

I bought a Chris Brown's greatest hits album. It was just a bunch of Rihanna songs.

Did you hear the last Chris Brown's song featuring Rihanna? It's a hit

They dont just hate him Chris' family doesn't just hate him, they ate him too

What is Chris Brown's favorite hobby? [OC] Beats me.

What is Chris Brown's favorite cooking appliance? A Black and Decker

A jokey named Chris is running late for his race... ...his coach points at his horse and yells ""Chris top her"" Edit: Spelling

What is Chris Brown's favorite drink? Punch!

Ohayo! A Japanese man approaches his American co-worker, whom he knows little about. Japanese man: Good morning, Chris! Chris: Good morning, Hiroto! Hiroto: Chris, I meant to ask you, where in America do you live? Chris: Ohio. Hiroto: You already said that.

Back in the day. So Chris was a leper. He was a rich man but never paid his taxes, so the king wanted to take his gold away. When the king arrived Chris tried to trick him. Chris told him to take his bow out into the rain and watch chris make a bullseye from 100m away. The king complied. When he was finished Chris was nowhere to be found. The king was baffled, but he found Chris' gold hidden in a pot in the kitchen. The king yelled""I followed your rain bow and I also found your pot of gold so s…

Late for work! Sal: Ha Rick. Can u check on Chris because he didn't show up to day. Rick: Sure ill call him now. Sal: Thanks. Rick: Ring, ring, ring... A kid: Hello. Rick: Hello little boy is your dad home? A kid: Yes. ..................... Rick: Well may I speak to him? A kid: No. Rick: Why not? A kid: He's talking to the policemen. Rick: Well then can I talk to your mom? A kid: No, she's talking to the policemen to. .....Sirens.....dogs barking.....helicopter blades spinning Rick: what's am I …

One day an at home wife is alone and the doorbell rings... She opens it to a guy, ""Hi, is Tony home?"" The wife replies, ""No, he went to the store, but you can wait here if you want."" So they sit down and after a while of silence the friend says ""You know Sara, you have the greatest breasts I have ever seen. I'd give you a hundred buck just to see one."" Sara thinks about it for a second and figures, what the hell - a hundred bucks! She opens her robe and shows one to him for a few seconds. …

$200 Bucks It Is... A guy goes over to his friend's house, rings the bell, and the wife answers. "" Hi, is Tony home?"" "" No, he went to the store."" ""Well, you mind if I wait?"" "" No, come in."" They sit down and the friend says ""You know Nora, you have the greatest breasts I have ever seen. I'd give you a hundred bucks if I could just see one."" Nora thinks about this for a second and figures what the hell - a hundred bucks. She opens her robe and shows one. He promptly thanks her and thro…

I bet Rihanna will be on the cover of Chris Brown's greatest HITS CD.

Where Grandma Lives When I stopped the bus to pick up Chris for preschool, I noticed an older woman hugging him as he left the house. ""Is that your grandmother?"" I asked. ""Yes,"" Chris said. ""She's come to visit us for Christmas."" ""How nice,"" I said. ""Where does she live?"" ""At the airport,"" Chris replied. ""Whenever we want her we just go out there and get her.""

A guy goes over to his friend's house, rings the bell, and the wife answers. ""Hi, is Tony home?"" ""No, he went to the store."", she replies. ""Well, you mind if I wait?"" ""No, come in."" They sit down and the friend says ""You know Nora, you have the greatest breasts I have ever seen. I'd give you a hundred bucks if I could just see one.""Nora thinks about this for a second and figures what the hell - a hundredbucks. She opens her robe and shows one. He promptly thanks her and throws a hundre…