#fidel

Just heard that someone has started digging Fidel Castro's grave.. Must be a communist plot.

Vladimir Putin, Fidel Castro and the Oort Cloud are riding on a train.. Fidel Castro, Vladimir Putin, and the Oort Cloud are riding on a train. Fidel Castro pulls an expensive Cuban cigar out of his pocket, lights it, and then throws it out the window after only a few puffs. Vladimir Putin and the Oort Cloud are both surprised by this and ask ""what are you doing, Fidel? That's an expensive cigar!"" To which Castro responds, ""in your country/post-heliopausal region perhaps, but in my country th…

Fidel Castro's last words Fidel Castro's final words were: ""revive me I have the ray gun""

TIFU by being Cuban and attending Fidel Castro's funeral. Now the FBI lists me as ""public enemy number Juan"".

One Last Humiliation: The CIA Just Bungled An Attempt To Drop A Piano On Fidel Castro's Funeral Procession Luckily, It only cost them a grand.

Fidel Castro was giving a speech to his people Fidel Castro was giving a speech to the Cuban people in a large outdoor venue. Halfway through the speech he hears a vendor in the crowd, ""popcorn, peanuts, soda..."" He ignores it and carries on with the speech. He hears the same thing, ""popcorn, peanuts, soda..."" Fidel gets frustrated and says, ""the next person I hear say that I'm gonna kick his ass so hard he's gonna wind up in Florida."" Then the whole crowd goes, ""popcorn, peanuts, soda.""…

Fidel Castro dies and goes to hell. There he discovers that he has a choice: he can go to capitalist hell or to communist hell. Naturally, he wants to compare the two, so he goes over to capitalist hell. There outside the door is the devil, who looks a bit like Ronald Reagan. ""What's it like in there?"" asks Fidel. ""Well,"" the devil replies, ""in capitalist hell, they flay you alive, then they boil you in oil and then they cut you up into small pieces with sharp knives."" ""That's terrible!""…

Fidel Castro Dies and Goes to Heaven Castro finds himself at the pearly gates. St. Peter is there, surprised to see him. He says, ""Fidel, you've done so many awful things in your life, how did you get here?"" Castro says, ""It was the Pope. He blessed me and told me I must have been chosen by God, so I was certainly going to heaven."" ""Chosen by God? No, that can't be right. Why would he say that?"" So Castro tells him the story: ""When Pope John Paul visited Havana in 1998, I personally welco…

Fidel Castro died and went to heaven. When he arrived there, Jesus said that his place was in hell. Arriving there, Fidel was received with honors by Satan. In a certain moment, he remembered he had forgotten his baggage in Heaven and he wanted to look for them but Satan said to him: ""Stay here, I will send two little demons to search for them"" When the little demons came to heaven, the line was too big and they decided to jump the gate. When Jesus saw them jumping through the gate he said: Th…

Why didn't rail Castro want to be President of Cuba? He didn't want to play second fidel

Fidel Castro's Favorite Pickup Line Girl, I'm no Kennedy or Khrushchev, but I can show you a Cuban Missile Crisis

So the Pope went to visit Fidel Castro... ....and Fidel said to His Holiness, ""please father, I seek absolution, for I am approaching the end of my life. Will I be received at the gates of Heaven?"" The Supreme Pontiff asked the infamous dictator, ""Well, that depends my son, what have you done for the good of your fellow man?"" Castro answered, ""I led a revolution for the betterment of the weakest and poorest of my people, I liberated a beleaguered population from that imperialist swine, Bati…

Fidel Castro gets birthday present Fidel Castro gets a galapagos tortoise for his birthday. - How long does it live? - asks Fidel. - About 300 years. - What a pity, - replies Fidel. - You just get used to a pet and it suddenly dies.

Two very old men and Louis C.K. meet on a London street... Louis greets the men, smiles and says: I am very fortunate to finally meet you two, considering you two combined have less days to live than I have years to live. The other old man ask the other: Say Fidel, does this young lad humor you? Fidel replies: Yes indeed he is quite a comedian, Mikhail you remember when we promised that we will always strive to promote socialism? Mikhail replies: yes but how does that have anything to do with my…

Fidel dies and goes to heaven. When he gets there, St. Peter tells him that he is not on the list and that no way, no how, does he belong in heaven. Fidel must go to hell. So Fidel goes to hell where Satan gives him a hearty welcome and tells him to make himself at home. Then Fidel notices that he left his luggage in heaven and tells Satan, who says, ""No hay problema, I'll send a couple of little devils to get your stuff."" When the little devils get to heaven they find the gates are locked - S…

Fidel Castro, Vladimir Putin, and the Oort Cloud are riding on a train. Fidel Castro pulls an expensive Cuban cigar out of his pocket, lights it, and then throws it out the window after only a few puffs. Vladimir Putin and the Oort Cloud are both surprised by this and ask "what are you doing, Fidel? That's an expensive cigar!" To which Castro responds, "in your country/post-heliopausal region perhaps, but in my country these are as cheap as dirt." Then Vladimir Putin pulls a bottle of expensi…

Fidel Castro, Vladimir Putin, and the Oort Cloud are riding on a train Fidel Castro, Vladimir Putin, and the Oort Cloud are riding on a train. Fidel Castro pulls an expensive cigar out of his pocket, lights it, and then throws it out the window after only a few puffs. Vladimir Putin and the Oort Cloud are both surprised by this and ask, "What are you doing, Fidel? That's an expensive cigar!" To which Castro responds, "In your country or post-heliopausal region perhaps, but in my country these a…

Did you hear that Castro's body double retired? He was tired of playing second Fidel.

How would a Muslim describe Castro's gay, atheist lover? In Fidel.