#ronald-reagan

If Ronald Reagan were alive today he would roll in his grave... roll, scream, kick and so would you if you woke up in a casket.

Fidel Castro was giving a speech to his people Fidel Castro was giving a speech to the Cuban people in a large outdoor venue. Halfway through the speech he hears a vendor in the crowd, ""popcorn, peanuts, soda..."" He ignores it and carries on with the speech. He hears the same thing, ""popcorn, peanuts, soda..."" Fidel gets frustrated and says, ""the next person I hear say that I'm gonna kick his ass so hard he's gonna wind up in Florida."" Then the whole crowd goes, ""popcorn, peanuts, soda.""…

Fidel Castro dies and goes to hell. There he discovers that he has a choice: he can go to capitalist hell or to communist hell. Naturally, he wants to compare the two, so he goes over to capitalist hell. There outside the door is the devil, who looks a bit like Ronald Reagan. ""What's it like in there?"" asks Fidel. ""Well,"" the devil replies, ""in capitalist hell, they flay you alive, then they boil you in oil and then they cut you up into small pieces with sharp knives."" ""That's terrible!""…

What's the difference between Ronald Reagan and Donald Trump? Reagan helped tear down a wall.

Ronald Reagan, Bill Clinton, and Donald Trump go to heaven. They are called before God's throne. ""Who are you, and what good did you do on earth?"", God asks Reagan. ""I am Ronald Reagan, oh Lord, and I won the Cold War"", Reagan answers. ""Very well"", God says, ""Take the seat to my right."" He then turns to Clinton and asks him the same question. ""I am Bill Clinton, oh Lord, and I balanced the budget"", Clinton answers. ""Very well"", God says, ""Take the seat to my left."" He then turns to…

What did Ronald Reagan say in his presidential campaign? Electron. Also, what did the Greek warrior say when he saw the wooden horse? Hydrogen ^^^^please ^^^^spare ^^^^me

Bill Clinton, Ronald Reagan, and Richard Nixon are on a boat... The boat springs a leak and starts to sink. Reagan: We need to save the women and children first. Nixon: F#ck the women. Clinton: Do you think we have time?

What did Jimmy Carter say to Ronald Reagan? Let me Eat your Turds !! Lol !!

A guy traveling through Mexico on vacation lost his wallet and all of his identification. Cutting his trip short, he attempted to make his way home but was stopped by the U.S. Customs Agent at the border. May I see your identification, please?"" asked the agent. ""I'm sorry, but I lost my wallet,"" replied the guy. ""Sure Buddy, I hear that every day. No I.D., no entry,"" said the agent. ""Look, I can prove I'm an American!"" he exclaimed. ""I have a picture of Ronald Reagan tattooed on one side…

In 1987, we had Ronald Reagan, Johnny Cash, and Bob Hope... ...now we have Obama, no cash, and no hope.

A man walks into a t-shirt store... There are 3 shirts on display. The first has a picture of Richard Nixon with a white mustache. Below the picture is titled ""Got Milk."" The second tee shirt has a picture of Ronald Reagan with a white mustache. It is entitled ""Forgot Milk."" The third tee shirt has a picture of Monica Lewinsky with a white mustache. It is entitled ""Not Milk.""

CELEBRITY COMPUTER VIRUSES Monica Lewinsky virus: Sucks all the memory out of your computer. Ronald Reagan virus: Saves your data, but forgets where it is stored. Mike Tyson virus: Quits after one byte. Oprah Winfrey virus: Your 200MB hard drive suddenly shrinks to 80MB, and then slowly expands to 300MB. Lorena Bobbit virus: Turns your hard disk into a 3.5 inch floppy. Dr. Jack Kevorkian virus: Searches your hard drive for old files and deletes them. Ellen Degeneres virus: Your IBM suddenly clai…

List of the shortest books 1. The Australian Book of Foreplay. 2. Contraception by the Pope. 3. The American Guide to Etiquette. 4. Healthy Marriages by the British Royal Family. 5. Consumer Marketing Ethics. 6. Career Opportunities for History Majors. 7. My Life's Memories by Ronald Reagan. 8. Integrity by Bill Clinton. 9. The Wit and Wisdom of George W. Bush. 10. What I've Accomplished by Barack Obama.

Ronald Reagan's Memory One day a reporter confronted Ronald Reagan about a previous statement he had made. ""Mr. President, you said that you would resign if your memory started to fade,"" the reporter said. Reagan smiled and replied, ""I don't remember saying that.""

Heard this from my History Professor. Ronald Reagan had such high regard for the office of President that his jacket was never off. Bill Clinton had such high regard for the office of President that his pants were never on.

Ronald Reagan was a funny guy... Two Irish ladies were at the wake for their dear friend. ""Poor Mollie,"" said the first woman, looking down at the body, ""she had such a hard life. First she married Mike, who gave her five crying children in six years. He beat her and never worked a day in his life. Then Mike up and died, and she married Johnny, who was even worse, giving her seven more children and not a penny of support. He was drunk all the time until he died, too. And now Mollie is gone, w…

An entire new strain of viruses has just been uncovered and we wanted to get this information to you as soon as possible. Please share this with others immediately!! Monica Lewinsky virus........Sucks all the memory out of your computer. Lorena Bobbit virus..........Turns your hard disk into a 3.5 inch floppy. Ellen Degeneres virus........Your IBM suddenly claims it's a MAC. Titanic virus................Makes your whole computer go down. Disney virus.................Everything in the computer go…

Four U.S. presidents are caught in a horrible tornado... Four U.S. presidents are caught in a horrible tornado, that hits a state funeral they’re all attending in Kansas. Suddenly, all of them are blown off to Oz. They finally make it to the Emerald City and come before the Great and Powerful Oz. “What brings you before the great Wizard of Oz?” Jimmy Carter steps forward timidly: “I've come for some courage.” ”No problem!” says the Wizard. “Who is next?” Ronald Reagan steps forward, “W…

Two Russian motorcycle cops are sitting on the side of the road. This was a joke Ronald Reagan told about Gorbachev, but most people probably forgot about Gorbachev, so I made it about Putin. These two Russian motorcycle cops are sitting on the side of a Russian highway. They both get a call from the Russian government telling them that every car caught speeding is to be pulled over and sent straight to jail. Now, Vladamir Putin was in a huge hurry that day, and he told his limo driver to s…

Four former U.S. presidents... Four former U.S. presidents are caught in a horrible tornado that hits a state funeral they’re all attending in Kansas. Suddenly, all of them are blown off to Oz. They finally make it to the Emerald City and come before the Great and Powerful Oz. “What brings you before the great Wizard of Oz?” Jimmy Carter steps forward timidly: “I've come for some courage.” ”No problem!” says the Wizard. “Who is next?” Ronald Reagan steps forward, “Well…I…I think I need a …

A Gorbachev joke my dad told me a few years ago Mikhail Gorbachev visits the US and meet with Ronald Reagan. They talk about how each country chooses their second in command. Gorbachev says that the Communist Party gives rigorous exams and screenings to choose the second in command. Reagan says he gives a test to figure out who to choose. He calls George H.W. Bush over and asks "who's your father's son but not your brother?" Bush says "why, that would be me!" Gorbachev is impressed and goes b…

A soviet joke about censorship that I found in my school book An American tells a Russian that people in USA have the freedom of speech and that he even could go to the White House and shout:"Go to hell, Ronald Reagan!" The russian answers:"Oh, we also have freedom of speech. I, too, can go to Kremlin and shout:" Go to hell, Ronald Reagan!"

What would Ronald Reagan be doing if he were alive today?,"He'd be scratching at the lid of his coffin yelling ""Let me out! I'm alive! Let me out!!""

Why doesn't Ronald Reagan drink orange juice? Because he's dead.

What does Ronald Reagan have that Jimmy Carter doesn't? A widow.