#first-woman

Pretty certain I'm gonna drop down on one knee and propose to the first woman I ever win an argument with...

Amelia Earfart was the first woman to transatlantic fart around the world. it was silent but deadly. i love you.

Torn this election season. I think it would be awesome to have the first woman president. But I'm also curious about the apocalypse.

The best salesperson ever was the first woman to shave off her eyebrows and draw them back on, then convince a second woman to do it.

What's in a name? A woman sits down next to another mother on a park bench as their kids played together on a playground in Keswick, and they got to talking. The woman was astonished that the other Mom had eleven children, all named Jayden. ""Why did you call all your kids Jayden?"" she asked her new friend. ""It's a great time-saver, I can just yell ""JAYDEN, time for bed"", and they all will come running"". A perplexed look crossed the face of the first woman ""But don't you find it a little c…

Three women all die in a car crash and go to Heaven on the same day.... They are waiting at the gate when St. Peter arrives and greets them, ""Welcome to Heaven, ladies. There is only one rule here in Heaven and it is don't step on the ducks."" The women each look at each other confusingly. St. Pete opens the gate and sure enough there are thousands of tiny ducks covering the ground. The first woman goes in and lasts a week and steps on a duck. St. Peter appears out of nowhere with the ugliest m…

It is near the end of time, and Heaven is getting full... Three friends who die approach the gate to Heaven. God: Only those who can answer my questions correctly may enter. All three friends begin to feel anxious. God: Who was the first man on Earth? Friend 1: oh that's easy, Adam. And so the gates opened and allowed him in. God: who was the first woman on Earth? Friend 2: oh that's easy, Eve. And so the gates opened and allowed him in. Friend 3 is now feeling more confident seeing as these que…

Three Nuns and Saint Peter Three little nuns were tragically killed in a car crash this past weekend. Being devout followers of the faith, their souls floated up to heaven. The three see the Pearly Gates and begin to approach the massive structure only to be stopped by Saint Peter. Saint Peter explains, ""The Boss set a new rule, in order to get into heaven, you must correctly answer a question relating to the Bible, or you will be banished to the flaming depths of hell for all eternity!"" The n…

Three nuns die and go to the pearly gates St. Peter stops them at the gate. ""Okay, I know you're nuns, but you all must answer a biblical question before I allow you in."" He turns to the first nun. ""Who was the first man?"" She waves her hand. ""Ooh, thats an easy one. Adam!"" ""That's correct!"" Peter says, and then trumpets blare and the gates swing open. The first nun enters. The gates close. Peter turns to the 2nd nun. ""Who was the first woman?"" The 2nd nun waves her hand. ""Ooh, thats …

Three women die together in an accident and go to heaven...... When they get there, St. Peter says, ""We only have one rule here in heaven: don't step on the ducks!"" So they enter heaven, and sure enough, there are ducks all over the place. It is almost impossible not to step on a duck, and although they try their best to avoid them, the first woman accidentally steps on one. Along comes St. Peter with the ugliest man she ever saw. St. Peter chains them together and says, ""Your punishment for …

Three nuns die and go to heaven, but all must answer one question to get in. The first nun is asked, ""Who was the first man on Earth?"" She says, ""Adam."" Lights flash and the pearly gates open. The second nun is asked, ""Who was the first woman on Earth?"" She says, ""Eve."" Lights flash and the gates open. The third nun is asked, ""What was the first thing Eve said to Adam?"" Puzzled, the nun says, ""Oh my, that's a hard one."" Lights flash and the pearly gates open.

First woman in space ""Houston, we have a problem."" What? ""Never mind."" What's the problem? ""Nothing."" Please tell us. ""I'm fine.""

A joke from Korea ""Americans are saying that in 2016, they will either have their first woman president, or their first insane president. Like what's the big deal? Korea did both in one election cycle back in 2012""

So we didn't get the first woman President, it's an even bigger step... ...the first developmentally disabled President!

So a blonde and her two friends went hunting... The first woman comes back with a rabbit, to the amazement of the second woman, who proceeds to ask ""How'd you do it?"" To which the first replies ""Found the tracks, followed the tracks, saw the rabbit, shot the rabbit, rabbit stopped."" The second woman then goes out and comes back with a deer, to the amazement of the blonde, who proceeds to ask ""How'd you do it?"" The second woman says ""found the tracks, followed the tracks, saw the deer, sho…

King Solomon's Judgement Two women ran into the court of King Solomon, fighting. ""My daughter was to marry this man, but this woman claims that the man was to marry HER daughter!"" one of them yelled. ""There is a simple solution,"" said the King. ""I shall cut the man in two and each of your daughters can have a piece."" ""Fine by me!"" said the first woman. ""No, don't, I would rather let the other girl marry him than that!"" cried the second. The King didn't hesitate for a minute. ""Fine."" …

In the gynecologist There were three women in the gynecologist taking prenatal exams. The doctor asked the first woman: In which position were the babies conceived? And she said: He was on top. You are going to have a boy!! - the doctor said. And the doctor asked the same question the second woman: I was on top. You are going to have a girl! In that, the third woman, the blond one, began to cry. What's wrong lady? I'm... I'm... I'm going to have puppiiiiieeeeees.

The first woman on the moon. ""Houston we have a problem."" What? ""nevermind"" What's the problem?? ""nothing"" Please tell us!? ""You know what the problem is.""

The Sports Mechanic Three middle-aged women are sitting on a park bench discussing their children. ""My son William studied Architecture at Cambridge. He's 25 years old now and he makes 70,000 a year at Bregmann and Hamann,"" the first woman says. ""My son Charlie read Law at Oxford. He'll be turning 23 in October and he makes 100,000 a year at Shoe Lane Chambers,"" says the second woman. ""My son Max didn't go to uni. He left school at the age of 16, as a matter of fact. He's 30 now, but he mak…

Three Nuns die in a car crash, and find themselves at the pearly gates. St. Peter stops them, stating ""Ladies, I appreciate your position, but there's a new policy in place from upstairs. To enter unto Heaven, you must demonstrate some knowledge of The Bible."" He asks the first Nun. ""Who was the first man?"" ""Oh! Adam, of course!"" she replies. ""You're in."" To the second ""Who was the first woman?"" ""Eve!"" ""Yep, you're in."" To the third, ""What's the first thing that Eve said to Adam?"…

Seriously Funny 7 12 '16 Today's Amazon Prime Day or Christmas in July where you can get on-line deals on hundreds of items you didn't know you needed! Trump's considering Newt Gingrich for V.P. Good thinking. Nobody would ever assassinate Trump if it'd make Newt the President! Dietitians claim brighter colored food is better for you. That's it, I'm switching to Fruity Pebbles and Kool-aid for a healthier breakfast! Today's Inspirational Thought; Death is just God finally collecting on a prepaid…

3 women were hiking when they reached the bottom of a hill. They looked at the map and they realised their destination was on the other side of the hill. They started arguing which was the quicker way to reach their destination, going over or around the hill. In the midst of their argument they find a lamp on the ground and on rubbing it a genie appears and grants then each a wish. The first woman asked to be 25% smarter and then she goes around the hill. The second woman asks to be 50% smarter …

Offside rule for women You're in a shoe shop, second in the queue for the till. Behind the shop assistant on the till is a pair of shoes which you have seen and which you must have. The female shopper in front of you has seen them also and is eyeing them with desire. Both of you have forgotten your purses. It would be rude to push in front of the first woman if you had no money to pay for the shoes. The shop assistant remains at the till waiting. Your friend is trying on another pair of shoes at…

Three women get together for coffee and the topic of conversation turns to contraception. The first woman says: ""We've used the rhythm method for years. The Holy Father approves of it and its surprisingly effective - it's only ever failed us twice."" The second woman says: ""Holy Father, Shmoly Father. We don't go for all that pious claptrap. We've always used the pill. It's easy, it doesn't rob us of our pleasure and it's only ever failed us once."" The third woman says: ""We've always used th…

Twenty on Tubman So I hear that Harriet Tubman is going to be the first woman ever illustrated on the twenty dollar bill. Wow! That's great. It's nice to see woman finally getting the recognition they deserve. I just have one question. Is it going to still be worth a full 20 dollars or is it going to only be worth like $18.75.