#third-woman

Three women all die in a car crash and go to Heaven on the same day.... They are waiting at the gate when St. Peter arrives and greets them, ""Welcome to Heaven, ladies. There is only one rule here in Heaven and it is don't step on the ducks."" The women each look at each other confusingly. St. Pete opens the gate and sure enough there are thousands of tiny ducks covering the ground. The first woman goes in and lasts a week and steps on a duck. St. Peter appears out of nowhere with the ugliest m…

Three women die together in an accident and go to heaven...... When they get there, St. Peter says, ""We only have one rule here in heaven: don't step on the ducks!"" So they enter heaven, and sure enough, there are ducks all over the place. It is almost impossible not to step on a duck, and although they try their best to avoid them, the first woman accidentally steps on one. Along comes St. Peter with the ugliest man she ever saw. St. Peter chains them together and says, ""Your punishment for …

In the gynecologist There were three women in the gynecologist taking prenatal exams. The doctor asked the first woman: In which position were the babies conceived? And she said: He was on top. You are going to have a boy!! - the doctor said. And the doctor asked the same question the second woman: I was on top. You are going to have a girl! In that, the third woman, the blond one, began to cry. What's wrong lady? I'm... I'm... I'm going to have puppiiiiieeeeees.

The Sports Mechanic Three middle-aged women are sitting on a park bench discussing their children. ""My son William studied Architecture at Cambridge. He's 25 years old now and he makes 70,000 a year at Bregmann and Hamann,"" the first woman says. ""My son Charlie read Law at Oxford. He'll be turning 23 in October and he makes 100,000 a year at Shoe Lane Chambers,"" says the second woman. ""My son Max didn't go to uni. He left school at the age of 16, as a matter of fact. He's 30 now, but he mak…

3 women were hiking when they reached the bottom of a hill. They looked at the map and they realised their destination was on the other side of the hill. They started arguing which was the quicker way to reach their destination, going over or around the hill. In the midst of their argument they find a lamp on the ground and on rubbing it a genie appears and grants then each a wish. The first woman asked to be 25% smarter and then she goes around the hill. The second woman asks to be 50% smarter …

Three women get together for coffee and the topic of conversation turns to contraception. The first woman says: ""We've used the rhythm method for years. The Holy Father approves of it and its surprisingly effective - it's only ever failed us twice."" The second woman says: ""Holy Father, Shmoly Father. We don't go for all that pious claptrap. We've always used the pill. It's easy, it doesn't rob us of our pleasure and it's only ever failed us once."" The third woman says: ""We've always used th…

I quacked up reading this! Three women die together in an accident and go to heaven. When they get there, St. Peter says, ""We only have one rule here in heaven: don't step on the ducks!"" So they enter heaven, and sure enough, there are ducks all over the place. It is almost impossible not to step on a duck, and although they try their best to avoid them, the first woman accidentally steps on one. Along comes St. Peter with the ugliest man she ever saw. St. Peter chains them together and says, …

Three women were sitting around throwing back a few drinks and talking about their love lives. One woman said, ""I call my husband the dentist. Nobody can drill like he does."" The second woman giggled and confessed, ""I call my husband the miner because of his incredible shaft."" The third woman quietly sipped her whiskey until her friend asked, ""Say, what do you call your husband?"" She frowned and said, ""The postman."" ""Why the postman?"" ""Because he always delivers late, and half the tim…

hahahahaha wishes of three ladies.... Three women were trapped on an island. They needed to get across the water to the mainland. They came across a genie who said, ""I will grant you ladies three wishes."" The first woman said, ""Turn me into a fish"" and she swam across the water to the other island. The second woman said, ""Give me a boat"" and she rowed to the other side. The third woman said, ""Turn me into a man"" and she walked across the bridge.

3 women were at the gates of Heaven in front of St. Peter... The first woman approached him and he said ""Please confess to your sins to enter the gates of Heaven."" She said ""well I gave a man a hand job once."" Peter replied ""Please dip your hand into the holy water and you may proceed through the gates."" The second woman was about to reply, but the third woman skipped in front of her and said ""If you think I'm gonna put that water in my mouth after she dips her ass in it you are out of yo…

Where is your Husband? Three women sit in a beauty parlor talking about their husbands. The first woman says, ""Last night my husband said he was going to his office, but when I called they said he wasn't there!"" ""I know!"" the next woman says, ""Last night my husband said he was going to his brother's house, but when I called he wasn't there."" The third woman says, ""I always know where my husband is."" ""Impossible!"" both women exclaim, ""He has you completely fooled!"" ""Oh no,"" says the…

Three Ladies Died and Went to Heaven... When they arrived, St. Peter greeted them and said: ""You may do whatever you please in Heaven, but don't step on the ducks."" As expected, there were ducks everywhere. Very soon, one of the ladies stepped on a duck. St. Peter came to the woman and handcuffed her to a hideously ugly man. ""For stepping on a duck, you will be forced to be with this ugly man for the rest of eternity."" The second lady tried extremely hard not to step on a duck, but soon fail…

Three women were talking about their husbands' performances as a lover... Three women were talking about their husbands' performances as a lover. The first woman said, ""My husband is a marriage counselor. He always buys me flowers and candies before we make love. I like that."" The second woman said, ""My husband is a motorcycle mechanic. He likes to play rough and slaps me around sometimes. I kind of like that."" The third woman just shook her head and said, ""My husband is a policeman. He jus…

Three women were trapped on an island... They needed to get across the water to the mainland. They came across a genie who said, ""I will grant you ladies three wishes."" The first woman said, ""Turn me into a fish"" and she swam across the water to the other island. The second woman said, ""Give me a boat"" and she rowed to the other side. The third woman said, ""Turn me into a man"" and she walked across the bridge.

Three Muslim women are sitting talking... The first one says, ""I miss my eldest son Ahmed. He was martyred in Iraq last year."" ""Oh I know,"" says the second women, ""I miss little Hamza. He drove a car-bomb into a Syrian checkpoint six months ago."" The third woman nodded, ""Me too. My Omar was a suicide bomber in Gaza, so sad."" The first woman shook her head sadly. ""Kids these days. They blow up so fast.""

A man flashed three old women in the park. The first two women each had a stroke! The third woman tried, but she couldn't reach because her arms were too short.

Microsoft-Lover Three women were sitting around talking about their husbands' performance as lovers. The first woman says, ""My Husband works as a marriage counselor. He always buys me flowers and candy before we make love. I like that."" The second woman says, ""My husband is a motorcycle mechanic. He likes to play rough and slaps me around sometimes. I kinda like that."" The third woman just shakes her head and says, ""My husband works for Microsoft. He just sits on the edge of the bed and tel…

Three women are sitting discussing what contraception they use with their boyfriends. ""We always use condoms"" said the first woman. ""I always use contraceptive pills"" said the second. ""I just crush their balls between two bricks"" said the third woman. ""Doesn't that hurt?"" asked the other women. ""Maybe"" she said ""but only if you get your fingers caught in between"".

Young Miss Cadence is teaching calculus and asks Johnny: 'Johnny, 3 crows are sitting on the roof of the barn. You get your gun and shoot one down. How many crows are left on the roof?' After a long contemplation Johnny answers: ""None, Miss Cadence."" Miss Cadence looks surprised and asks him to try again. ""I'm sure it's none. You shoot one down and the other crows fly again"" Young Miss Cadence giggles and comments : ""No, Johnny.. It's two. But I like the way you think"" ""I've got a questio…

A learner stands up in class and says to the teacher; there are 3 women sitting on a bench eating ice cream The first one is taking her time, enjoying it licking it down slowly The second one shoves the whole thing and her mouth, then removes it repeatedly until she's finished The third woman rushes vigorously to finish eat, franticly licking it down The learner then asks the teacher, ""Miss, which of the 3 women is married?"" The teacher replies ""The third woman of course"" The learner then sa…

Little Johnny's first day in kindergarten Little Johnny is sitting in his kindergarten class when the teacher asks the following question: ""There are three birds sitting on a fence, and a hunter shoots one of the birds. How many are left?"" Little Johnny raises his hand and says, ""There are zero birds left. One was shot, and the other two flew away when they heard the sound of the gunshot;"" to which the teacher replies ""No, Johnny, the answer is actually two, but I like the way you think."" …

A teacher asks her young students a question.. A teacher asks her young students a problem solving question. She says, ""Ok students, there are 6 birds sitting on a fence. If you shot at 4 of them how many would be left?"" Timmy raises his hand and says ""None. The sound of the shot would have scared them all away."" The teacher replies, ""the answer I was looking for was 2, but I like the way you're thinking."" Timmy says ""ok now I have a question. There are three women sitting on a bench eati…

Two women get on an elevator. The first woman reeks of perfume and the second says, ""What's that perfume?"" The first responds, ""Chanel #5, $99.00 a bottle."" The elevator stops on the fourth floor and another woman boards reeking of perfume. The second woman sniffs the air and the third woman says, ""Paradise $149.00 a bottle."" The elevator stops on the sixth floor and the second woman moves to the front to exit, lifts her skirt and farts. She says as she exits, ""Baked Beans - 49 cents a ca…

Streaker in a Gym!!! Three women are in a gym locker room dressing up to play racquetball, suddenly, a guy runs through the room wearing nothing but a bag over his head. He passes the first woman, who looks down at his privates. "Thank goodness!!! He's not my husband," she says. He passes by the second woman, who also looks down as he's passing. "He's not my husband either," she says, also not recognizing the unit. He passes by the third woman, who also looks down as he runs by her. …

Ducks Three women die in an accident and go to Heaven. There Saint Peter says, 'We only have one rule - don't step on the ducks!' They enter Heaven, and sure enough, there are ducks everywhere. In fact, it's almost impossible not to step on a duck, and the first woman accidently steps on one straight away. Saint Peter comes along with the ugliest man the woman has ever seen and chains them together saying, 'Your punishment for stepping on a duck is to spend eternity chained to this ugly man!' T…