#johnnys

Johnny's on a Roll (With his two black balls)(SFW) Ms Wendall was a first grade teacher who had a bit of a morbid sense of humor. One day she said to the class, ""I have an interesting idea. Everyday, I will ask a very hard question and who ever can answer it will get to leave the class early. You can't look up the answer on a smart phone or computer, you just have to know it."" The class is intrigued, so they so they take up. Ms Wendall's offer. By the end of the class, Ms. Wendall asks the fir…

A musician joke So little Johnny runs up to his mother and yells ""Mommy! Mommy! I could count higher than anyone in my class at school today! Everyone else could only get to 10, but I could count all the way to 12!"" And little Johnny's mother replied, ""That's because you are a violinist"". The next day, Little Johnny runs up to his mother and yells ""Mommy! Mommy! I can read more letters in the alphabet then the rest of my class! Most of the children could read only up to 'E' but I got all th…

little johnny likes to gamble. Little Johnny likes to gamble. One day his dad gets a new job so his family has to move to a new city. Johnny's daddy thinks, ""I'll get a head start on Johnny's gambling."" So he calls the teacher and says, ""My son Johnny will be starting your class tomorrow but he likes to gamble so you'll have to keep an eye on him."" The teacher says OK, she can handle it. The next day Johnny walks into class and hands the teacher an apple and says, ""Hi, my name is Johnny."" …

Little Johnny's dad Little Johnny's teacher asks every kid in the class to share what their dads to for a living. ""My dad's a fireman."" ""My dad's a policeman."" Soon, all the kids except little Johnny had shared. The teacher asks: ""Little Johnny, what does your father do?"" ""Nothing, he's dead."" ""Well, I'm sorry to hear that. What did he do before he died?"" ""He shit his pants and turned blue.""

Johnny's mother called his father at work... ""Johnny just swallowed a nickle and spit up two dimes, what do I do??"" ""Keep feeding him nickles!""

Johnny at school.. At school, Johnny's class is learning about medicines. Catherine, the teacher, asks the students what kind of medicines they know and what they are used for. The first pupil said, ""Paracetamol ?"" ""Very good! And what is it used for?"" ""It is used for a headache."" The second pupil said, ""Restyl."" ""Excellent!"" said Catherine. ""And what it is used for?"" ""To help you sleep,"" replied the student. Now it is Johnny's turn and he said, ""Viagra."" ""And what is it used fo…

Little Johnny strikes again The teacher came up to johnny's desk and asked can you tell me what seperates you from a monkey. Johnny said with confidence ""the desk"".

The kid can't catch a break... Teacher: what's wrong? Johnny: our house is very small, Me, my mum and my dad, all sleep in the same bed. Every night my dad ask if I'm sleeping, I say No then he slaps my face and gives me a black eye. Teacher: tonight when your dad asks, keep dead quiet and don't answer. The following morning Johnny's teacher sees him with a severe swelling on his face. Teacher: My goodness why the swelling? Johnny: Dad asked me again me if I was sleeping... I shut up and kept de…

Little Johnny's teacher asks him to make a sentence using the following words: defeat, deduct, defense and detail. Little Johnny says, ""De feet of de duck went over de fence before de tail.""

The Cushmaker On Johnny's first day of school, Ms. Patrick assigned the kids to start learning their ABCs. Johnny calmly refused to participate. The teacher let it go for a bit, but then had to take him aside. ""You're going to have to do the work like everyone else, Johnny."" ""Nope."" ""Well how are you going to learn to read and write? You need to learn these things to get a job someday."" ""Don't need it,"" He replied ""I'll be a cushmaker when I grow up."" Ms. Patrick didn't want to admit t…

A Pastor traveling in the 19th century Back in the 19th century a pastor was traveling a large area where he had as his congregation. He would preach on Sunday in different homes until the church was built. One week he had to stay at a family that had quite a few children, and he had to share a room with their youngest son Johnny. At bedtime when they were preparing to go to bed, he noticed little Johnny was kneeling down beside the bed. Not wanting to be outshone by the kid, the pious pastor kn…

Little Johnny's mother sent Little Johnny to the store to get a loaf of bread. Little Johnny's is coming home from the store swinging the loaf of bread in one hand and the other hand in his pants pocket. Along come Priest Joe and he thinks to himself, ""This is a good opportunity to say something from the Bible to Little Johnny."" He walks up to Little Johnny and says, ""I see Little Johnny that you have the Staff of Life in one hand. What do you have in the other?"" Little Johnny replies, ""A l…

LITTLE JOHNNY'S HALLOWEEN Little Johnny was on a park bench stuffing all of his Halloween candy in his mouth. An old lady came over and said. ""Son, don't you know that eating all of that candy will rot your teeth, give you acne, and make you sick?"" ""My grandfather lived to be 105 years old!"" replied Johnny. ""Did he eat five candy bars at a sitting?"" the old lady retorted. ""No,"" said Johnny, ""but he minded his own freakin' business.""

Little Johnny meets his future self. One day Little Johnny was in his room practicing piano. When suddenly a portal opens revealing Big Johnny, little Johnny's future self. Little Johnny excitedly asks Big Johnny ""What am I going to be in the future."" Big Johnny replies ""A pedophile"" as he closes the lights and doors.

Little Johnny comes home from school with a note. Johnny's mother reads the note and is astonished as she prepares to scold him. ""Johnny this says you tried to eat Sally, your ant just go around eating people."" She says to the little boy. Little Johnny looks up at his mother and says ""I know, that's why I got consent first.""

Little Johnny asks his father for a $200 bicycle for his birthday. Johnny's father says, ""We have an $80,000 mortgage on the house, and I just got laid off! There won't be a $200 bike this year."" Two days later, Little Johnny walks out of the house with all his belongings in a suitcase. His father asks him why he's leaving. Johnny says, ""Early this morning, I was walking past your room, and I heard you tell Mommy that you were pulling out, and Mommy said that you should wait because she was c…

little Johnny and Flingfly Little Johnny was only 9 years old and was walking to school one day when a teenager drives by and yells out the window ""FLINGFLY"".. Johnny is very confused so he continues to school and during class asks the teacher what ""Flingfly"" means.. The teacher gets VERY upset and tells Johnny to get down to the principle's office immediately.. Johnny crying goes down to the principle's office and when the principle comes to get him he is very considerate and asks why he wa…

Johnny Hated Math.... ...his grades were terrible and he had stopped trying. Johnny's attitude in school was obnoxious, and his parents didn't know what to do. Finally, they decided to enroll Johnny in the local Catholic school, even though they're not religious people and have never stepped foot in a church. All of a sudden, Johnny's math grade does a complete 180. He's getting straight A's, and his report card says he's ""a pleasure to have in class."" ""Johnny, your mom and I don't get it. Yo…

A LESSON IN MORALS One day at the end of class, little Johnny's teacher asks the class to go home and think of a story to be concluded with the moral of that story. The following day the teacher asks for the first volunteer to tell their story. Little Suzy raises her hand. ""My dad owns a farm and every Sunday we load the chicken eggs on the truck and drive into town to sell them at the market. Well, one Sunday we hit a big bump and all the eggs flew out of the basket and onto the road."" When t…

At school, Little Johnny's classmate tells him that most adults are hiding at least one dark secret, so it's very easy to blackmail them by saying, ""I know the whole truth."" Little Johnny decides to go home and try it out. Johnny's mother greets him at home, and he tells her, ""I know the whole truth."" His mother quickly hands him $20 and says, ""Just don't tell your father."" Quite pleased, the boy waits for his father to get home from work, and greets him with, ""I know the whole truth."" T…

Little Johnny is sitting on his front porch... stirring a bucket of chicken shit. After a short while the milkman walks up for the morning delivery and asks him what he is making. ""A milkman"", little Johnny replies. Puzzled the milkman leaves. Soon after the mailman walks up and asks little Johnny the same question to which he replies ""I'm making a mailman!"" Shaking his head, the mailman walks off. That afternoon the milkman and the mailman are having lunch and discussing little Johnny's lat…

A teacher assigns her class an essay about the police. One little boy, Johnny, turns in his essay with two words written on his paper: ""They're bastards."" The teacher is so surprised at his response, that she calls Officer Friendly to help with the situation. Officer Friendly decides to pick Johnny up from school and show him around the police station. He shows him the jail cells, the evidence locker, the firing range. He takes him out in the squad car and shows him the sirens, the flashing li…

Little Johnny's Silver Dollar Little Johnny was on his way home from Grandpa's house. Grandpa had given him a silver dollar and Johnny was flicking it into the air and then catching it as he walked along. Suddenly he dropped the dollar, which rolled into an alley where it was snatched up by an old filthy drug addict female. She would not give the coin back and a struggle ensued. In order to use both hands to fend Johnny off, the fiendish druggie reached under her rags and deposited the coin in h…

Wish i could meet Johnny once. Little Johnny was 12 years old and like other boys his age, rather curious, he had been hearing quite a bit about ""courting"" from the older boys and wondered what it was and how it was done. One day he took his questions to his mother, who became rather flustered. Instead of explaining things to Johnny, she told him to hide behind the curtains one night and watch his older sister and her boyfriend. This he did. The following morning, Johnny described everything t…

Little Johnny needed to go to the bathroom So he told his mother ""I need to poop!"" The mother was entertaining a bunch of friends and was clearly embarrassed to hear this out loud. So Johnny's mother leaned in and says ""Next time you need to poop, say you need to whisper."" It was late night and the mother had gone to sleep. Little Johnny waddles into her room, and says to her ""Mommy! I need to go whisper!"" Dazed, the mother slurs ""If you need to whisper, go do it in daddy's ear.""