#johnnys

Don't you dare put your hand under there! Six-year-old Johnny is the most gullible little boy in the world. One day, he is out shopping with his mother when he walks up to a mannequin and starts to run his hand up the mannequin's skirt. Johnny's mother sees this and rushes over, saying, ""Johnny, don't you dare put your hand under there! Women have teeth up there and you're lucky she didn't bite your fingers off!"" Johnny nodded dumbly and swore he would never touch a woman there. Well 10 years …

An Estonian joke. Little Johnny, wanting to know more about life, asks his father: ""Daddy, what's between mommy's legs?"" ""Paradise."" his father answers. Little Johnny's curiosity is only growing, so he asks again: ""But then what's between your legs?"" ""The key to paradise."" his father answers. Little Johnny retorts back: ""Then you'd better change the locks, our neighbor has the same key!"" *(Sidenote: In Estonia, Little Johnny's name is Juku.)*

Little Johnny's at it again.... A teacher asks her class, ""What do you want to be when you grow up?"" Little Johnny says ""I wanna be a billionaire, going to the most expensive clubs, take the best bitch with me, give her a Ferrari worth over a million bucks, an apartment in Hawaii, a mansion in Paris, a jet to travel through Europe, an Infinite Visa Card and to make love to her three times a day"". The teacher, shocked, and not knowing what to do with the bad behavior of the child, decides not…

Pink Cottonballs Once upon a time, there was a little boy named Johnny. At first he was a happy, normal boy, but then one day, before his 3rd birthday, his parents asked him what he wanted for his present. ""I want pink cottonballs,"" said Little Johnny. ""No way,"" said his parents, a little concerned by the odd request, ""you're much too young for something like that!"" And so they got him a Big Wheel tricycle. Little Johnny was furious, and so he took the tricycle up to the top of the big hil…

Little Johnny's Flashcards One day in kindergarten little Johnny was taking his turn working with letters and pictures on flashcards. The teacher was holding up flash cards with a letter on them and a picture that started with that letter. She held up the first one for little Johnny and he said ""B, buh, bumble bee."" ""Very good,"" the teacher said, before flipping to the next card. Johnny sat for a second before saying, ""Oh, easy. H, huh, house."" The teacher congratulated Johnny again and fl…

Little Johnny comes home from Sunday school with a black eye. His father sees it and says, ""Johnny, how many times do I have to tell you not to fight with the other boys?"" ""But Dad, it wasn't my fault. We were all in church saying our prayers. We all stood up and my teacher in front of me had her dress in the crack of her butt. I reached over and pulled it out. That's when she hit me!"" ""Johnny,"" the father said. ""You don't do those kind of things to women."" Sure enough, the very next sun…

Green Thumb Little Johnny was outside with his father one day and had noticed how great the neighbors garden looks. Little Johnny's dad says to him ""Our neighbor has a green thumb"" Little Johnny was curious so went in for a closer look. When he came back to tell his father that his thumb wasn't green, his father replied: I didn't mean his thumb was actually green... it's like when someone says they caught someone red handed... there hands arnt actually red... the're black...

Little Johnny's Teacher Gives the Class a Mother's Day Assignment They were studying the meaning of various phrases. The teacher goes on to explain the meaning of the sentence *""We only have one mother.""* Okay, Little Peter, give me a brief narration that includes the phrase *""we only have one mother.""* Little Peter starts: I was sick in bed with a high fever, and then comes my mom, gives me a glass of warm milk with some aspirin, kisses me in the forehead and I thought *""We only have one m…

Johnny Digdeeper A freshman in high school named Johnny Digdeeper was always sheltered by his parents. He always had to ask permission to do anything, was never allowed to play outside alone, and wasn't even allowed to stay home by himself. One night Johnny's parents were going to an adult only wedding, so naturally, they got a baby sitter for Johnny. The baby sitter was a junior in high school that lived down the road. What these parents didn't know was that this baby sitter was an extremely...…

""Johnny the sky is the limit."" Thus, Johnny's dreams of becoming an astronaut were ruined.

Little Johnny jokes A teacher asks her class, ""What do you want to be when you grow up?"" Little Johnny says ""I wanna be a billionaire, going to the most expensive clubs, take the best bitch with me, give her a Ferrari worth over a million bucks, an apartment in Hawaii, a mansion in Paris, a jet to travel through Europe, an Infinite Visa Card and to make love to her three times a day"". The teacher, shocked, and not knowing what to do with the bad behavior of the child, decides not to give imp…

Not-so lil Johnny anymore Tired of Johnny's bed wetting, his mommy comes up with a way she could teach him to do it right by himself and so, she calls on Johnny, tells him the following set of steps to follow the next time he would pee. She told Johnny to shout the number out loud so that she could hear him from behind the door. And the steps go like this 1 - Open the flier 2 - Hold it out and aim for the centre 3 - Pull the skin backwards and give it a gentle shake and pull it back forwards 4 -…

Little johnny's intelligent answer Finding one of her students making faces at others on the playground, Ms. Smith stopped to gently reprimand the child. Smiling sweetly, the Sunday school teacher said, ""Johnny, when I was a little girl, I was told if that I made ugly faces, it would freeze and I would stay like that."" Little Johnny looked up and replied, ""Well, Ms Smith, you can't say you weren't warned.""

A teacher has his class fill their pockets with iron filings and stand while he explains the concept of electromagnetism to his students... ""If we see the difference between a milliwatt and deciwatt, you'll notice that the iron I had you put in your pockets is pulling down, what does this prove to us, class?"" A little girl raised her hand and said, ""That we get heavier?"" The teacher looked at her, rubbed his eyes and said, ""No, but you're pretty so you've got that going for you... anyone el…

Little Johnny is at Sunday school and his teacher asks him ""If I went to Church every week, and tried to live my life following the ten commandments, would I get into heaven?"" ""No!"" answers little Johnny ""If I sold my house, my car, and all of my other possessions, and gave all the money to the church, would I get into heaven?"" Little Johnny replies ""No!"" ""Ok, well if I spent my whole life being charitable, loving my family, and being kind to everyone I met, would I get into heaven then…

Little Johnny and his mother were walking home from the grocery store when they... ...looked into an alley and saw two dogs getting it on. Johnny asks his mother, ""Mom, what are they doing?"" His Mom, extremely flustered at this point, says, ""Uhhh, you see the dog on top, honey? He's just sick so his friend at the bottom is carrying him around."" Johnny remains silent, and continues to do so all the way home, while his mother is conflicted about her little Johnny's innocence, so she finally tu…

Little Johnny nsfw One day, the teacher asked her first grade class what part of the body did they think would go to heaven first when they died. Little Johnny's hand went up first but the teacher was afraid to pick him, because he was always embarassing her. She looked around and saw little Matt with his hand up. She picked him. Matt said he belived the brain would go first, because it controlled the body. Little Johnny still had his hand up but the teacher picked Wendy. Wendy said the heart wo…

Ms. Teacher is experimenting new ways to make kids learn.. She asks children questions from the book chapter by chapter. And if the children answer the questions from the 1^st chapter, she will kiss them on one cheek. If they answer the second chapter too, she would kiss them on both cheek. Most kids got stuck on the second chapter and some went to the third chapter and Ms. Teacher kissed them on both cheeks and the lips. Then came little Johnny's turn. Johnny: (smirking) You better have your ta…

When Little Johnny grew out of diapers, his dad had to teach him how to pee like a man... ""Listen here, son, this is how you do it,"" says Daddy. 1. Unzip your pants 2. Pull out your equipment 3. Pull back your foreskin 4. Relax the muscle that's holding in the pee 5. Push back your foreskin 6. Put your equipment back, 7. Zip back up. Later that day Johnny's sister, Little Jane, runs up to her dad exasperated. ""Daddy, Daddy! Johnny's hogging the bathroom!"" ""That's fine,"" responds Daddy, ""h…

Johnny and Nancy Johnny had a tree house that was really high up. He decides that it's the perfect place to kiss a girl so he invites his favorite female friend Nancy. She agrees to go up to the tree house with him. Once they meet up at the tree house, johnny gets excited; she is wearing a skirt too! 'so umm... Ladies first' he says as he points at the ladder to go up, his heart pumping, excited to maybe even get to see Nancy's panties. She starts to climb happily and blissfully unaware of Johnn…

Johnny Comes Home From Catholic School Little Johnny comes home from catholic school with a black eye. His father asks ""how did this happen?"" Little Johnny says ""Dad, it wasn't my fault. We were in church saying our prayers and when we stood up, my teachers dress was stuck in the crack of her butt. So I reached forward and pulled it out for her. That's when she hit me."" Johnny's father says ""Johnny, whenever you see something like that on a woman, just leave it alone."" Well, the very next …

Johnny's wife Suzy is upset... ...Johnny has forgot their anniversary. Suzy says, ""If tomorrow I don't see a shiny, metal object that can go from 0 to 300 in a few seconds by tomorrow, I'm leaving you!"" The next day, Johnny wakes up early and goes to work. Suzy wakes up, looks into the driveway and sees a big box sitting there. Suzy runs down and opens it. Inside she finds bathroom scales.

Building a doghouse One day, a blonde walks by little Johnny's house. Johnny is building a new doghouse for his puppy on the front lawn. The blonde walks up to Johnny and says: ""That's a nice doghouse you're building! But what is that pile of nails doing behind you?"" ""Oh, those are nails which have the pointy bit on the top side, and the head on the bottom. But I only need nails with the head on top, and the point on the bottom!"", Johnny replies. ""Why are you throwing those away? That's suc…

Little Johnny wanted to know what magic was So he asked his mother ""mommy, what's magic?"" ""Dear, I'm far too busy, ask your brother"" she replied. So Johnny went and asked his older brother Dave. ""Hey Dave, what's magic?"" ""None of your business, ask someone else!"" Dave snapped. So little Johnny was left to ask his odd Uncle Randy. ""Uncle Randy, what is magic? Mommy and Dave won't tell me?"" ""Oh boy,"" Uncle Randy started. ""Magic is easier shown than explained. Drop your pants and undie…

Johnny's first day of prison. Johnny first arrived at the prison just before lunch. When he got to the mess hall, he noticed everyone burst out into laughter. ""Hey, everyone, look at this one! 42, am I right?""one guy shouted. ""Nah, Frank, 65!"" This went on all through lunch, with Johnny feeling quite puzzled at the random numbers being shouted. When he got back to his cell, he turned to his cellmate and she him about all the commotion. ""Oh, you see, most of us have been here so long, we've …