#little-johnnys

Little Johnny's dad Little Johnny's teacher asks every kid in the class to share what their dads to for a living. ""My dad's a fireman."" ""My dad's a policeman."" Soon, all the kids except little Johnny had shared. The teacher asks: ""Little Johnny, what does your father do?"" ""Nothing, he's dead."" ""Well, I'm sorry to hear that. What did he do before he died?"" ""He shit his pants and turned blue.""

How to sell toothbrushes Monday at school, the teacher lined up all the students and had them present their weekend homework: their assignment was to sell something and give a presentation on effective salesmanship. Sally was up first. ""I sold Girl Scout cookies and I made $30. My sales approach was to appeal to people's sense of civic duty and I credit that for my success."" ""Very good, Sally,"" said the teacher. ""Next?"" Jenny went next. ""I sold magazines and I made $45,"" she said. ""My a…

Pair of teats Little Johnny's parent's ask him what he wants for his birthday. > I want a pair of teats! His parents are shocked, so they decide to wait another day before asking him again. The next day, they ask him and he enthusiastically shouts >I want a pair of teats! Mom and dad consult each other privately. >Honey, how can he be sure at this age? What will the other kids at school say? >It's 2016, it's fine, we shouldn't stop our child from expressing his true self So the next …

At school, Little Johnny's classmate tells him that most adults are hiding at least one dark secret, so it's very easy to blackmail them by saying, ""I know the whole truth."" Little Johnny decides to go home and try it out. Johnny's mother greets him at home, and he tells her, ""I know the whole truth."" His mother quickly hands him $20 and says, ""Just don't tell your father."" Quite pleased, the boy waits for his father to get home from work, and greets him with, ""I know the whole truth."" T…

Which body part goes to heaven first? Little Johnny was sitting in class one day. On this particular day, the teacher wanted to ask her class which part of the body went to heaven first. One little girl raised her hand and said, ""I think your mind goes to heaven first because you have to have a mind in order to believe in God."" The teacher praises the little girl as a little boy raises his hand. He says, ""I think your heart goes to heaven first because God is all about love."" ""Very good,"" …

An Estonian joke. Little Johnny, wanting to know more about life, asks his father: ""Daddy, what's between mommy's legs?"" ""Paradise."" his father answers. Little Johnny's curiosity is only growing, so he asks again: ""But then what's between your legs?"" ""The key to paradise."" his father answers. Little Johnny retorts back: ""Then you'd better change the locks, our neighbor has the same key!"" *(Sidenote: In Estonia, Little Johnny's name is Juku.)*

johny's daddy Little Johnny's class were on an outing to their local police station where they saw pictures, of the ten most wanted men, tacked to a bulletin board. On the way out of the police station Little Johnny said to the officer, ""it was so nice of you to put my daddy's picture up there.

Heading to market Little Johnny's mom sends him out to the store for some nuts so she can make brownies. On the way to the store, little johnny witnesses a horrendous car accident in which a car explodes with a man still inside. Stunned by what he jus saw he runs all the way home to tell his mom. He runs in and says, ""Mom there was this giant accident!!! This guy was trapped in a car and it exploded! His body parts went everywhere! His arm flew this way and his leg the other way it was intense!…

Little Johnny goes camping Little Johnny's Second Grade class is going camping for a class field trip. As nighttime comes, all the children get set up in their tents and get ready to fall asleep. A few hours go by, a storm approaches and thunder begins clapping, and little Johnny can't seem to sleep. Little Johnny gets out of his sleeping bag and wanders over to his teacher's tent. Little Johnny tells his teacher that on stormy nights like this, his mom lets him crawl into bed with her to keep h…

A dip and chip stand The kids filed back into class Monday morning. They were very excited. Their weekend assignment was to sell something, then give a talk on productive salesmanship. Little Sally led off: ""I sold girl scout cookies and I made $30,"" she said proudly, ""My sales approach was to appeal to the customer's civil spirit and I credit that approach for my obvious success."" ""Very good,"" said the teacher. Little Jenny was next: ""I sold magazines,"" she said, ""I made $45 and I expl…

Darn kinds The kids filed back into class Monday morning. They were very excited. Their weekend assignment was to sell something, then give a talk on productive salesmanship.Little Sally led off: ""I sold girl scout cookies and I made $30,"" she said proudly, ""My sales approach was to appeal to the customer's civil spirit and I credit that approach for my obvious success.""""Very good,"" said the teacher. Little Jenny was next: ""I sold magazines,"" she said, ""I made $45 and I explained to eve…

The kids filed into class Monday morning. They were all very excited. Their weekend assignment was to sell something, then give a talk on salesmanship. Little Sally led off. ""I sold Girl Scout cookies and I made $30"" she said proudly. ""My sales approach was to appeal to the customer's civil spirit and I credit that approach for my obvious success."" ""Very good"", said the teacher. Little Debbie was next. ""I sold magazines"" she said. ""I made $45 and I explained to everyone that magazines w…

This preacher was looking for a good used lawnmower one day. He found one at a yard sale that Little Johnny happened to be manning. ""This mower work, son?"" the preacher asked. Little Johnny said, ""Sure does -- just pull on the cord hard, though."" The preacher took the mower home and when he got ready to mow he yanked and pulled and tugged on that cord. Nothing worked. It wouldn't start. Thinking he'd been swindled, he took the mower back to Little Johnny's house. ""You said this would work i…

The kids filed back into class Monday morning. They were very excited. Their weekend assignment was to sell something, then give a talk on productive salesmanship. Little Sally led off: ""I sold girl scout cookies and I made $30,"" she said proudly, ""My sales approach was to appeal to the customer's civil spirit and I credit that approach for my obvious success."" ""Very good,"" said the teacher. Little Jenny was next: ""I sold magazines,"" she said, ""I made $45 and I explained to everyone tha…

Little Johnny 's next door neighbors had a baby. Unfortunately the little baby was born with no ears. When they arrived home from the hospital the parents invited Little Johnny's family to come over and see their new baby. Little Johnny's parents were very afraid that their son would have a wise crack to say about the baby so the dad had a long talk with little Johnny before going to the neighbors. He said ""Now son... that poor baby was born without any ears. I want you to be on your best…

A grade school teacher was asking students... ...what their parents did for a living. Timmy stood up and said, "My mom is a doctor!" Sarah stood up and said, "My father is a professor!" Little Johnny stood up and said, "My dad is a professional con artist!" The teacher couldn't believe what she had just heard, so she made a point of calling Little Johnny's father that evening to discuss the situation. Little Johnny's father explained, "Actually, I'm a law attorney, but how am I supposed to…

Famous quotes.... At school one day Little Johnny's teacher announced that she was going to say a famous quote and that whoever could correctly guess the person who said that quote would be able to leave school early. Little Johnny gets all excited because he knows his history. So the teacher asks first: "Who said 'Four score and seven years ago..'" Little Johnny immediately raises his hand. "Yes Sarah who said that?" the teacher asks. "Well President Abraham Lincoln said that." "Very …

Little Johnny skipped school one day... and since his house was next to his school, the teacher decided to visit Little Johnny's parents the next day after school, but his granddad was the only adult home. When he saw the teacher coming he said "Johnny! Your teacher is coming, hide and I will say you aren't here. "No," Little Johnny replied "you go hide. I told the teacher that I went to your funeral."

Little Johnny At school one day, Little Johnny’s teacher asks the class to use the word “contagious” in a sentence… Cindy raises her hand. “Yes, Cindy?” She answers, “I was at the dentist’s office with my mom, and she said not to play with the toys in the waiting room because the other kids were contagious.” “Very good, Cindy!” the teacher said, “Anyone else want to try?” Samantha raises her hand. “Yes, Samantha?” She answers, “My dad tells me not to yawn because then everybody else yawns. He…

"Most adults are hiding at least one dark secret!!!" At school, Little Johnny's classmate tells him that most adults are hiding at least one dark secret, so it's very easy to blackmail them by saying, "I know the whole truth." Little Johnny decides to go home and try it out. Johnny's mother greets him at home, and he tells her, "I know the whole truth." His mother quickly hands him $20 and says, "Just don't tell your father." Quite pleased, the boy waits for his father to get home from work, a…

How to sell toothbrushes Monday at school, the teacher lined up all the students and had them present their weekend homework: their assignment was to sell something and give a presentation on effective salesmanship. Sally was up first. "I sold Girl Scout cookies and I made $30. My sales approach was to appeal to people's sense of civic duty and I credit that for my success." "Very good, Sally," said the teacher. "Next?" Jenny went next. "I sold magazines and I made $45," she said. "My approa…

Little Johnny is complaining to his mother early in the morning 'Mum, I have a stomach ache...' 'Don't worry, honey,' says the mother. 'It's only aching because you have an empty stomach.' Little Johnny acknowledges this and calms down. In the evening, Little Johnny's parents welcome an esteemed guest: the Under Secretary of Interior. During the course of the evening, the Under Secretary says: 'Dear Madam, could I get some painkiller please? I have a horrible headache...' Little Johnny look…

Little Johnny was sitting in class one day. On this particular day, the teacher wanted to ask her class which part of the body went to heaven first. One little girl raised her hand and said, "I think your mind goes to heaven first because you have to have a mind in order to believe in God." The teacher praises the little girl as a little boy raises his hand. He says, "I think your heart goes to heaven first because God is all about love." "Very good," said the teacher. The teacher looked up …

Little Johnny again. So Little Johnny's teacher is warned at the beginning of the school year not to ever make a bet with Johnny unless she is absolutely sure she will win it. One day in class

So Little Johnny's teacher is warned at the beginning of the school year not to ever make a bet with Johnny unless she is absolutely sure she will win it. One day in class