#third-woman

Three old women are discussing how their memory isn't what it used to be. The first woman says, "Sometimes, I'm in the elevator, and I don't remember if I'm going up or down." "The second woman says, "sometimes, I have a bottle of mayonnaise in my hand, and I don't remember if I'm taking it out of the fridge or putting it back." "The third woman says, "Well, I don't have any of those problems, knock wood," knocking on the table. "Oh, hold on a second, someone's at the door."

Three women die and go to heaven... St. Peter greets them at the gate and says "We only have one rule in heaven, and that is to not step on any of the ducks." The women thought this was a strange rule, but they went in anyway. When they entered they could see there were many ducks covering the ground and it would be very hard to not step on a duck. They tried not to step on any ducks but eventually the first woman stepped on one. St. Peter came to the woman and told her that her punishment for …

Three women decide to compare their husbands to soft drinks. Three women are out to brunch, and they're talking about who has the best husband. One of them decides they should compare their respective husbands to soft drinks (sodas). First woman: "My husband is like 7UP, because he's 7 inches and he's always up." Second woman: "Well my husband is like Mountain Dew, because when he's mountin' me, he knows what to do." Third woman: "Well my husband is like Jack Daniels." First woman: "That's …

Ducks in Heaven Three women die together in an accident and go to heaven. When they get there, St. Peter says, "We only have one rule here in heaven: Don't step on the ducks!" So they enter heaven, and sure enough, there are ducks all over the place. It is almost impossible not to step on a duck, And although they try their best to avoid them, the first woman accidentally steps on one. Along comes St. Peter with the ugliest man she ever saw. St. Peter chains them together and says, 'Your pun…

Three women are at a restaurant getting lunch. They all date men named Jeff, by coincidence, and they always get confused when they talk about their boyfriends. One of the women says to the others, "Why don't we give our boyfriends nicknames so we can tell them apart?" The second woman, takes a drink of her soda and says, "Why don't we name them after soft drinks? I'll call mine 7-Up, because he's got seven inches, and it's always up!" The third woman says, "I'll call mine Mountain Dew, caus…

Loose women 3 women are sitting at a bar conversing over lady stuff. Eventually the first woman says, "I'm so loose I can fit an entire carrot up there.." The second woman chimes in and says, "yes, well I'm so loose I can fit an entire baseball bat up there.." The Third woman slides down the bar stool

Heavenly Ducks Three women die together in an accident and go to heaven. When they get there, St. Peter says, "We only have one rule here in heaven: Don't step on the ducks!" So they enter heaven, and sure enough, there are ducks all over the place. It is almost impossible not to step on a duck, And although they try their best to avoid them, the first woman accidentally steps on one. Along comes St. Peter with the ugliest man she ever saw. St. Peter chains them together and says, 'Your puni…

Three women die together in an accident and go to heaven: When they get there, St. Peter says. "We only have one rule here in heaven, don’t step on the ducks!" So they enter heaven and sure enough, there are ducks all over the place. It is almost impossible not to step on a duck, and although they try their best to avoid them, the first woman accidentally steps on one. Along comes St. Peter with the ugliest man she ever saw. St. Peter chains them together and says. "Your punishment for step…

A priest is walking through Kings Cross (a rough area of town), when a woman approached him and says "Do you want a naughty? 200 bucks." "Certainly not," he mutters and hurries on. Soon he passed near another woman who says "$200 for a naughty. Interested?" "No thank you," he replies flusteredly. As he comes near a third woman she again offers him a naughty for $200, which he of course refuses. Arriving back at the abbey, he happens upon the Mother Superior. Curiosity gets the better of him…

4 religious women were chatting First woman mentions her son: -My son is a priest, whenever he enters a community, people stand up and call him, "Father, welcome" The second woman doesn't seem impressed: -My son is a bishop, people call him "Your excellency" when he is in a community. The third woman talks after listening to the first two: -My son is a cardinal, when he is in a formal setting, people call him "Your eminence", and they kiss his hand. He has also met the Pope. The fourth wo…

Three women were sitting around boasting about their sons. One said: "My son graduated first in his class from Stanford. He's now a doctor, making $250,000 a year in Seattle." The second woman said: "My son graduated first in his class from Harvard. He's now a lawyer, making $500,000 a year in San Francisco." The third woman said: "My son never did too well in school. He never went to any university but he now makes a $1,000,000 a year in New York working as a sports repairman." "What's a sports…

Three women were sitting around talking about their husbands' performance as lovers. The first woman says, "My husband works as a marriage counselor. He always buys me flowers and candy before we make love. I like that." The second woman says, "My husband is a motorcycle mechanic. He likes to play rough and slaps me around sometimes. I kind of like that." The third woman just shakes her head and says, "My husband is a sales man. He just sits on the edge of the bed and tells me how great it's goi…