#seattle

In Seattle, there's a code that states when two people are walking towards each other, the one with the bigger coffee cup passes first.

My gf told me to take my phone and stick it where the sun don't shine. So I sent it to Seattle. Women make no sense some days.

My cab driver just described Seattle as "Not that horrible of a place." Get that guy a job on the tourism board.

A mid 30's guy is grocery shopping, and a 20 something blonde catches his eye. She looks very familiar, but he can't remember where he met her. When they moved closer, she said to him, ""Hi - I think you're the father of one of my children."" The guy freaks out. He says, ""I've only cheated on my wife 3 times - in Vegas 5 years ago, in Orlando 4 years ago, and in Seattle 3 years ago. You look familiar, but I just can't remember. Who are you?"" She says, ""I'm your son's Sunday school teacher.""

Pack your Bags A woman was going to Los Angeles from New York City for an extended stay. With permission from the airline was permitted to bring five pieces of luggage. As the clerk was starting to take the luggage, the woman says, ""I would like you to send the first bag to Miami, the second bag to Chicago, the third bag to Dallas, the fourth bag to Phoenix and the fifth bag to Seattle."" The clerk says looks at her for a second, then types a few things in his computer, then looks back at the w…

The difference between weather and climate. Weather is the atmospheric conditions in a location at a given time, example, rain in Seattle. Climate is weather over a period of time in a location, example, rain in Seattle.

Found this on my computer science teacher's webpage A helicopter with a pilot and a single passenger was flying around above Seattle when a malfunction disabled all of the aircraft's navigation and communications equipment. Due to the darkness and haze, the pilot could not determine the helicopter's position and course to get back to the airport. The pilot saw a tall building with lights on and flew toward it, the pilot had the passenger draw a handwritten sign reading, ""WHERE AM I?"", and hold…

Its been really hot in Seattle lately, so I converted my dishwasher into an air conditioner the other day. How? I handed my wife a hand fan to keep me cool.

What do you call a dirty puddle on a slab of cold concrete in dim, gloomy light? A sunny day in Seattle.

I told my friend I was traveling to Seattle... He asked who attle was.

The cave of dreams Three friends grew up together in Seattle their names were Mike, Steve, and Davonte. As children the boys had an odd friend in the homeless gentleman that lived in there neighborhood. They used to tell their parents they were going to an arcade, and head down to the park instead. There they would give thean some change and he would tell them stories about ""The cave of dreams"" and it's endless treasure. When it came time for the boys to venture out into the world they made on…

I met a guy from Seattle on the chairlift when skiing today... I asked him if he wanted to do a run and he replied, ""No thanks, I'll pass.""

Boston walloped with snow again. If you think traffic is bad here... think about how bad it must be in Seattle with all those bandwagons falling over.

Hey Seattle do you want to win a Superbowl???? "" No thanks we'll pass!! ""

Hackgate: Patriots hacked Seattle headsets and knew they were going to throw the ball.

Lost Helicopter A helicopter was flying around above Seattle yesterday when an electrical malfunction disabled all of the aircraft's electronic navigation and communication equipment. Due to the clouds and haze the pilot could not determine his position or course to steer to the airport. The pilot saw a tall building, flew toward it, circled, drew a handwritten sign and held it in the helicopter's window. The sign said ""WHERE AM I?"" in large letters. People in the tall building quickly respond…

In a helicopter somewhere over Seattle There was a helicopter pilot lost over Seattle on a particularly cloudy day. He finally comes up next to an office building and holds up a sign to person in the window. The sign read ""WHERE AM I?"" The person in window responded with their own sign, which read ""IN A HELICOPTER"". The pilot immediately nodded, and flew straight back to airport. Once on the ground the pilot was asked how he knew where he was. His response was, ""I knew I was at the Microsof…

Not sure what you have heard, but it actually only rains twice a year in Seattle. October through May, then June through September.

Topical Jokes for 7/13 Jersey Shore star ""J-WOWW"" gave birth to a baby girl. To commemorate giving birth, J-WOWW has changed her name to ""V-JAYOWW."" ...JWOWW took photos of her newborn daughter, then posted them to Tinder. Researchers predict that summer temperatures will be 12 degrees higher by the year 2100. So if you plan on heading to the beach in 86 years wear a hat. In Seattle, the city attorney apologized for accidentally bringing bags of marijuana to work. The city attorney then rus…

Why did the mathematician move to Seattle? He liked LaGrange bands

Poor Bob in Hell Poor Bob dies and his spirit heads up to Heaven. But at the Pearly Gates, he's told that he hasn't been good enough, he has to go down to Hell instead. So he does, and when he gets there, there's a long line of spirits waiting to be processed into Hell. Bob watches for a while and sees that Satan seems to be sending some people off to the right through a big door, and other people would be tossed into a big pit of huge flames to the left. But once in a while, Satan would appear …

A helicopter was flying around above Seattle yesterday when an electrical malfunction disabled all of the aircraft's electronic navigation and communication equipment. Due to the clouds and haze the pilot could not determine his position or course to steer to the airport. The pilot saw a tall building, flew toward it, circled, drew a handwritten sign and held it in the helicopter's window. The sign said ""WHERE AM I?"" in large letters. People in the tall building quickly responded to the aircra…

How to predict weather in Seattle: If you can see Mt Ranier it's going to rain. If not it already is.

It only rains twice a year in Seattle: August through April and May through July.

A police officer was amazed to see a hiker walking along the road carrying a sign which read ""To Seattle."" ""What are you doing with that?"" asked the police officer. ""I'm walking to Seattle"" said the hiker ""and I don't want to lose my way.""