#jack-daniels

McDonald's sponsoring the Olympics is like Jack Daniels sponsoring the prom.

My doctor said i shouldn't just binge drink all weekend. I tried taking his advice but can't drink a bottle of Jack Daniels every day.

Boss: You gonna get any work done today? Me: Sorry Boss, I was up late watching the game, I'll pick it up. B: Who won? M: Jack Daniels

Jack Daniels just came in my mouth.

That artsy picture you took of your Jack Daniels really spoke to me. It said "This persons an alcoholic but still takes decent pictures."

Blonds and Blind Cowboys An old, blind cowboy wanders into an all-girl biker bar by mistake. He finds his way to a bar stool and orders a shot of Jack Daniels. After sitting there for a while, he yells to the bartender, 'Hey, you wanna hear a blonde joke?' The bar immediately falls absolutely silent. In a very deep, husky voice, the woman next to him says, 'Before you tell that joke, Cowboy, I think it is only fair, Given that you are blind, that you should know five things: 1. The bartender is …

The Native American Hitchhiker A man is driving home from work one night when he sees an Indian Chief hitchhiking. Feeling sorry for the old man, he pulls over to pick him up. The Native says nothing for a good five minutes. He then, noticing a bottle of Jack Daniel's on the passenger floor, grunts ""mmmm, good whiskey"". A bit startled, the man says ""Thank you, I got it for my wife"". The Chief replies ""mmmm, good trade"".

The Three Randies Three friends have gotten together for their weekly drinks and chat and they are all discussing their new boyfriends. By coincidence, all three of the boyfriends are named ""Randy"". This, of course, causes confusion as to which Randy they are discussing. The friends decide to give their boyfriends nicknames so as to avoid confusion, and decide to name their beaus after various soda pops. Friend #1 says ""I'm gonna call my boyfriend Randy Seven-Up, because he's got seven inches…

Old but gold! A country preacher had a teenage son, and it was time the boy should give some thought to choosing a profession. Like many young men, the boy didn't really know what he wanted to do, and he didn't seem too concerned about it. One day, while the boy was away at school, his father decided to try an experiment. He went into the boy's room and placed on his study table four objects: A bible, a silver dollar, a bottle of Jack Daniels, and a Playboy magazine. 'I'll just hide behind th…

Blind Cowboys and Blond Bikers (Long) An old blind cowboy wanders into an all-girl biker bar by mistake... He finds his way to a bar stool and orders a shot of Jack Daniels. After sitting there for a while, he yells to the bartender, 'Hey, you wanna hear a blonde joke?' The bar immediately falls absolutely silent. In a very deep, husky voice, the woman next to him says, 'Before you tell that joke, Cowboy, I think it is only fair, given that you are blind, that you should know five things: 1) The…

Blonde Joke An old blind cowboy wanders into an all-girl biker bar by mistake... He finds his way to a bar stool and orders a shot of Jack Daniels. After sitting there for a while, he yells to the bartender, 'Hey, you wanna hear a blonde joke?' The bar immediately falls absolutely silent. In a very deep, husky voice, the woman next to him says, 'Before you tell that joke, Cowboy, I think it is only fair, given that you are blind, that you should know five things: The bartender is a blonde girl w…

Johnnie Walker, Jack Daniels and Jim Beam walk into a bar What is this, said the bartender, Alcoholics Eponymous?

Three wives are having drinks at bar. After a few drinks they begin comparing their husbands to soda. The first wife says ""Well, my husband would be 7-UP. He's seven inches and straight up."" The second wife thinks for a second and says ""Mountain Dew. He's always mounting me and we're always doing it."" After a couple seconds the third wife says ""My husband would be Jack Daniels."" The first wife says ""Jack Daniels is a liquor, not a soda."" ""Yep, that would my him.""

A man is going fishing one day. After awhile, he ran out of worms to use as bait. He noticed a cottonmouth with a frog hanging out of its mouth. Knowing frogs make good bait, he caught the snake. He picked it up by the back of the head since it couldn't bite him with a frog in its mouth. The man removes the frog and thinks ""how do I let the snake go without being bit?"". So, with his free hand, he reaches into his box and pulls out his bottle of Jack Daniels and pours some in the snake's mouth.…

A traditional Indian woman in a bar A traditional Indian woman working goes to the US for her first work assignment. In the evening, she visits a bar, which is the first time experience of her life. After taking seat at the counter, a guy on her left orders : ""Johnny Walker, single."" The guy on her right orders : ""Jack Daniels, single."" Now the bartender looks to the the Indian woman and says : ""And you?"" Lady replies : ""Swati Subramaniam, Married.""

Jack Daniels couldn't be here today, But he's here in spirit.

A man walks into a bar... And orders 7 shots of Jack Daniels. The bartender turns away for a moment and all the shots are all gone. ""Wow! You drink fast!"" The bartender says. ""You'd drink like that too if you if you had what I have."" The man replied. ""What do you have?"" The bartender asked. ""An iPhone 7."" The man replied. ""I see."" The bartender smiled. ""That explains the 7 missing Jack.""

Blonde Joke An old visually impaired cattle rustler meanders into an all-young lady biker bar by misstep... He discovers his way to a bar stool and requests an injection of Jack Daniels. Subsequent to staying there for some time, he shouts to the barkeep, 'Hello, you wanna hear a blonde joke?' The bar quickly falls completely quiet. In a profound, imposing voice, the lady by him says, 'Before you tell that joke, Cowboy, I think it is not out of the question, given that you are visually impaired,…

A guy walks into a pub in his pyjamas holding a drip on a metal stand He says to the Barman ""I'll have 4 pints of Guinness, 4 pints of lager, 2 jack Daniels and coke, 3 gin and tonics, 5 shots of Sambuca, and a jaegerbomb"" As the barman starts pouring the drinks and lining them up and the bar the guy starts picking them up and downing them in one. Drinking them as quickly as they are being poured. The barman gets to the final drink of jaegerbomb and the guy picks it up slams it down in one and…

3 women where having a coffee and some girl talk One of them goes: ""Girls, if you're man was to be compared to a soda brand, what would it be? Mine would be 7UP, because he's 7 hard inches, always up"" ""Well mine would be Mountain Dew since he likes to mount and do me everyday."" says the second. The last one ponders for a second in silence and then adds: ""Well I guess mine would be Jack Daniels"" ""But baby, that's not soda!"" said the other girls ""That's hard liquor!"" ""That's my Leroy!""

A man walks into a bar... A new bar opens in town, a man walks in and asks the bartender for a Jack and Coke. Bartender reaches under the bar and grabs an apple and hands it to the guy, puzzled the guy says "" I ordered a Jack and Coke, not an apple."". Bartender says,""just take a bite."". The man exclaims ""this tastes just like coke, but what about the Jack."". Bartender tells him to turn it around and take another bite, he does and finds it taste just like Jack Daniels. Another man comes in …

My cousin is a terrible proofreader. He always drinks a bottle of Jack Daniels before he checks my work.

An Indian lady walks into a bar for the first time... and sat infront of the bartender. There were two men sitting beside her. One on her left and one on her right. The man on the right said to the bartender: ""Jack Daniels, single."" The man on the left said to the bartender: ""Johnnie Walker, single."" Then the bartender looked the the lady and said: ""And you??"" The lady replied: ""Aakaanksha Kapoor, married!""

An Indian lady visited a bar for the first time, She sat on the table in front of the bartender.. A guy at her left side ordered: ""Jack Daniels, Single"" A guy at her right side ordered: ""Johnny Walker, Single"" The bartender looked at the lady & said: And you..?? She replied: ""Savitri Deshpande, Married.""

A wife with a drinking problem An angry wife was complaining about her husband, Paddy, spending all his free time in a bar, so one night he took her along with him. ""What'll you have?"" he asked. ""Oh, I don't know. The same as you I suppose,"" she replied. So, Paddy ordered a couple of Jack Daniel's and threw his down in one shot. His wife watched him, then took a sip from her glass and immediately spat it out. ""Yuck, that's TERRIBLE!"" she spluttered. ""I don't know how you can drink this st…