#mountain-dew

I drink Mountain Dew for the protective coating it leaves on my teeth. The kidney stones are a close second.

Just saw a guy riding a skateboard, holding a surfboard. Dunno where he's going but I assume there's Mountain Dew there.

Three wives are having drinks at bar. After a few drinks they begin comparing their husbands to soda. The first wife says ""Well, my husband would be 7-UP. He's seven inches and straight up."" The second wife thinks for a second and says ""Mountain Dew. He's always mounting me and we're always doing it."" After a couple seconds the third wife says ""My husband would be Jack Daniels."" The first wife says ""Jack Daniels is a liquor, not a soda."" ""Yep, that would my him.""

3 women where having a coffee and some girl talk One of them goes: ""Girls, if you're man was to be compared to a soda brand, what would it be? Mine would be 7UP, because he's 7 hard inches, always up"" ""Well mine would be Mountain Dew since he likes to mount and do me everyday."" says the second. The last one ponders for a second in silence and then adds: ""Well I guess mine would be Jack Daniels"" ""But baby, that's not soda!"" said the other girls ""That's hard liquor!"" ""That's my Leroy!""

Your mom is so dumb.... She tried to climb Mountain Dew

Three women are sitting around when they begin to discuss their boyfriend's nicknames.[NSFW] Three women are sitting around when they begin to discuss their boyfriend's nicknames. The first one says ""My boyfriend's name is Jerome, but I call him 7-up because he is seven inches and always up."" The second one states ""My boyfriend's name is DeShawn, but I call him Mountain Dew because when he mounts me he knows what to do."" The final women says ""My boyfriend's name is Tyrone, but I call him Co…

The Story of Jed There was once a man named Jed, who had grown tired of the may-may culture. But he was at work in the engineering yard, and couldn't just turn off his computer or hide it. This was not the first time he had grown angry with it, and the last time he had destroyed his computer in a rage, so it was now replaced with a reinforced chassis for when he got angry. So he just drank a Mountain Dew for energy, took off his belt and began whipping his reinforced computer. His boss heard the…

Comparing men to drinks A group of ladies were comparing their husbands to various beverages. The first decided her husband was Mountain Dew. First he mounts, then he do. The second states hers has to be 7-Up since it takes 7 hours for him to 'get up'. The third declared Crush because he only did it missionary position. The fourth opted for Squirt since that's what he did as soon as she stripped off. The last wife, after much thought said her husband had to be Jack Daniels. The others looked on …

I'm seeing a lot of blonde jokes, so here's mine. A brunette, a redhead, and a blonde were talking about their boyfriends and decided they wanted to give them nicknames. The brunette says, ""I'll name mine 7-Up because he is 7 inches and always up for me."" The redhead says, ""I'll name mine Mountain Dew because he always wants to mount and dew me."" The blonde thinks for a moment and says, ""I'll name my boyfriend Jack Daniels. He's a hard liquor.""

Your momma so dumb she tried to climb Mountain Dew

Three old ladies are discussing their husbands while having tea. Three old ladies are out for tea and discussing their husbands performance in the sack. They decide to have some fun and describe their husbands as soda pops. The first lady says "my husband is probably Mountain Dew. Because when im ready to mount. Hes ready to do" The second lady says, still giggling, "My hudband is 7 up, cause when its seven hes always up" The third lady says "My husband is defenitely Jack Daniels" The other …

The night before the wedding The bride-to-be and her bridesmaids were giggling over tequila and strawberry daiquiris at the bachelorette party. The maid of honor started a game of truth or dare. "If your boyfriend were a soda, what would he be?" she slurred at the other bridesmaid. "7-Up, because he's got seven inches and he can keep it up. What about you?" "Mountain Dew. He knows how to mount and do me. And what about the future Mrs. Johnson? What kind of soda is Matt?" "Jack Daniels," sa…

Three women decide to compare their husbands to soft drinks. Three women are out to brunch, and they're talking about who has the best husband. One of them decides they should compare their respective husbands to soft drinks (sodas). First woman: "My husband is like 7UP, because he's 7 inches and he's always up." Second woman: "Well my husband is like Mountain Dew, because when he's mountin' me, he knows what to do." Third woman: "Well my husband is like Jack Daniels." First woman: "That's …

Three women are at a restaurant getting lunch. They all date men named Jeff, by coincidence, and they always get confused when they talk about their boyfriends. One of the women says to the others, "Why don't we give our boyfriends nicknames so we can tell them apart?" The second woman, takes a drink of her soda and says, "Why don't we name them after soft drinks? I'll call mine 7-Up, because he's got seven inches, and it's always up!" The third woman says, "I'll call mine Mountain Dew, caus…

What do you get when you cross Batman with Mountain Dew? Dew diligance

What's Malcolm X's favorite Mountain Dew flavour? White-out.

What is the highest point in Israel? Mountain Dew.

Have you tried the new Mountain Dew flavor? ... Butthole blast.