#third-wife

First submission to /jokes, and it's an old one about women making sandwiches. Three riveters take their lunch break up on the rafters of a high rise. The first one opens his lunch pail and turns to the others, ""Goddamn Ham & Swiss *again.* Fifteen years of marriage, and every day it's the same thing. I swear, if my wife makes me one more Ham & Swiss, I'm ending it. I'll jump right off this beam."" The second one opens his lunch box and pipes in, ""Me too, man. Tuna Salad every damn day…

I am a widower three times over..... My first wife died when she ate some poisonous mushrooms from the yard. My second wife died from eating the same mushrooms. My third wife fell down the stairs because she wouldnt eat the mushrooms.

Three wives are having drinks at bar. After a few drinks they begin comparing their husbands to soda. The first wife says ""Well, my husband would be 7-UP. He's seven inches and straight up."" The second wife thinks for a second and says ""Mountain Dew. He's always mounting me and we're always doing it."" After a couple seconds the third wife says ""My husband would be Jack Daniels."" The first wife says ""Jack Daniels is a liquor, not a soda."" ""Yep, that would my him.""

Donald Trump ""is intensely loyal...he will never let you down."" .... - his third wife

A man tells a friend that he had three wives pass away. A man is talking with a friend and reveals to him that his last three wives had passed away. ""That's terrible! What caused them to pass away?"" The friend asked, sympathetically. ""Well,"" says the man, ""my first wife ate poison mushrooms and died from that. Then, my second wife found the poison mushrooms in the refrigerator, ate them and died as well. My third wife, however, died from a fractured skull."" Taken aback, the friend replies,…

Muhammad was feeling down. He goes to his wife and says ""I feel bad that you are all covered up and cannot show off your true beauty to the world"". The wife replies ""Do not worry, my beauty is only for you and Allah to know"". Still feeling down, he goes to his other wife and says ""I am sad that you are so young and already married, for you have not had a chance to develop your own identity"". She replies, ""Do not worry for my identity is to give my youth to you and Allah"". Muhammad then g…

It's better to be the first lover than a third wife.

A Cherokee chief had three wives, each of whom was pregnant... The first squaw gave birth to a boy, and the chief was so elated that he built her a teepee made of buffalo hide. A few days later, the second squaw gave birth, and also to a boy. The chief was extremely happy; he built her a teepee made of antelope hide. The third squaw gave birth a few days later, but the chief kept the details of the birth a secret. He built the third wife a teepee out of hippopotamus hide and challenged the p…

Three construction workers are sitting down for lunch on the roof..... The first construction workers says, "I swear to god if my wife packed me another bologna sandwich I'm going to kill my self by jumping off this roof." He opens his lunch and there is a bologna sandwich. He goes and jumps off the roof. The second construction worker says, "If my wife packed me cold pizza for lunch again I'm going to kill my self by jumping off this roof." He opens his lunch and there's cold pizza. He goes …

A guy walks into a bar... A guy walks into a bar and he sees this sad guy sitting there, so he decides to cheer him up. He goes and sits down, asks him what is troubling him. The guy replies "I lost my third wife" Nice guy responds "Damn man that's horrible, if you dont mind me asking, what happened to the first wife?" "She ate poison mushrooms" Nice guy is shocked he says "Damn man that's horrible, I have to ask, what happened to the second wife?" "She ate poison mushrooms too" Now he's …

Three pregnant wives…. A Native American chief had three wives, each of whom was pregnant. The first gave birth to a boy. The chief was so elated that he built her a teepee made of deer hide. A few days later, the second gave birth, also to a boy. The chief was very happy. He built her a teepee made of antelope hide. The third wife gave birth a few days later, but the chief kept the details a secret. He built this one a two story teepee, made out of a hippopotamus hide. The chief then challe…

An Indian chief had three wives. Each of his wives were pregnant. The first gave birth to a boy. The chief was so elated he built her a teepee made of deer hide. A few days later, the second gave birth, also to a boy. The chief was very happy. He built her a teepee made of antelope hide. The third wife gave birth a few days later, but the chief kept the details a secret. He built this one a two story teepee, made out of a hippopotamus hide. The chief then challenged the tribe to gue…

First bird gets the worm second mouse gets the cheese but the third wife gets

Donald Trump is the next President but... The biggest winner is Melania Trump. She can now call herself The First Lady instead of The Third Wife.

Would you pass the tea? Three older couples were having afternoon tea. The first husband turns to his wife and says, "Can you pass the honey, Honey?" Not to be outdone, the second husband turns to his wife and says, "Can you pass the sugar, Sugar?" Feeling rather amorous, the third wife turns to her husband and asks, "George, why don't we call each other cute names?" George turns to her and says, "Can you pass the tea, bag?"

Sophie and Shirley, two elderly widows in a Florida adult community, are curious about the latest arrival in their building -- a quiet, nice looking gentleman who keeps to himself. Shirley says,"Sophie, you know I'm shy. Why don't you go over to him at the pool and find out a little about him. He looks so lonely." Sophie agrees, and later that day at the pool, she walks up to him and says, "Excuse me, mister. I hope I'm not prying, but my friend and I were wondering why you looked so lonely." "O…