#first-husband

My husband gets so mad when I introduce him as my first husband.

A woman announces to her friend that she is getting married for the fourth time. Her friend is overjoyed and says: ""How wonderful! But I hope you don't mind me asking what happened to your first husband?"" ""He ate poisonous mushrooms and died."" ""Oh, how tragic! What about your second husband?"" ""He ate poisonous mushrooms too and died."" ""Oh, how terrible! I'm almost afraid to ask you about your third husband."" ""He died of a broken neck."" ""A broken neck?"" ""He wouldn't eat the mushroo…

Maria, a devout Catholic, got married and had 15 children. After her first husband died, she remarried and had 15 more children. A few weeks after her second husband died, Maria also passed away. At Maria's funeral, the priest looked skyward and said, ""At last, they're finally together."" Her sister sitting in the front row said, ""Excuse me, Father, but do you mean she and her first husband, or she and her second husband?"" The priest replied, ""I mean her legs."" -

If Hillary becomes president... ...will that make Bill the first husband?

Grief The grief-stricken man threw himself across the grave and cried bitterly, ""My life, how senseless it is! How worthless is everything about me because you are gone. If only you hadn't died, if only fate had not been so cruel as to take you from this world, how different everything would have been."" A clergyman happened by and to soothe the man he offered a prayer. Afterward he said, ""I assume the person lying beneath this mound of earth was someone of great importance to you."" ""Importa…

The tombstone A man was knelt in front of a tombstone crying. As a young woman walked by, she heard him sobbing ""why did you have to die? Why did you leave me to deal with this? Why, oh why? "" Sympathy welled up in her heart as she saw this broken man. ""I'm sorry was this your wife?"" she asked. The man responded with a miserable look on his face. ""No this was my wife's first husband!""

A man is sitting near a grave in a graveyard The man sits there and cry hysterically all day long. A friend of him sees him crying and screaming ""why did you die so soon? You were so young!"" approaches to comfort him. Friend: Who is this person you are mourning about? Man: my wife's first husband

Woman at funeral of 3rd husband... Was asked how her first husband died? She said ""He ate some poison mushrooms."" When asked how the second husband died? She sobbed ""He too at some poison mushrooms."" This begged the question how her 3rd husband died ? She exclaimed ""He died from a blow to the back of the head."" ""What happened?"" they asked. ""He wouldn't eat the mushrooms."" She said.

Am glad they are together.... A woman gets married to a guy and has 3 kids and her husband dies. She then marries a second guy and has 5 kids and the second husband also dies. She then marries a third guy and has 7 kids and her third husband also dies. After a few months, she dies and at her funeral the priest says... ""Finally, they are together!"". Her friend standing next to the priest asks, ""you mean she and her first husband, she and her second husband or she and her third husband?"" The p…

Working on the fourth husband. A woman tells her friend she is getting married for the fourth time. ""How wonderful! I hope you don't mind me asking, what happened to your first husband?"" ""He ate poisonous mushrooms and died."" ""Oh, how tragic! What about your second husband?"" ""He also ate poisonous mushrooms and died."" ""Oh, how terrible! I'm almost afraid to ask you about your third husband."" ""He died of a broken neck."" ""A broken neck?"" ""He wouldn't eat the mushrooms.""

Maria is a devoted wife. She gets married and has 17 children.Soon after the last child is born,her husband dies.A few weeks later she remarried and over the following years has another 22 children with her second husband.After the last child is born her second husband also dies.Within a month Maria is engaged to be married for the third time.Unfortunately,she becomes very ill and dies.At her funeral the priest looks tenderly at Maria as she lies in coffin.He looks up to heaven and says""At last…

The man is crying on the cemetry. -Why did you leave us so early? He is asked why are you so crying? Do you cry about your close relative? -No, I am crying about the first husband of my wife.

The Devout Catholic Woman Jennifer, a devout Catholic, got married and had 10 children. After her first husband died, she remarried and had 10 more children. A few weeks after her second husband died, Jennifer also passed away. At Jennifer's funeral, the priest looked skyward and said, ""At last, they're finally together."" Her sister sitting in the front row said, ""Excuse me, Father, but do you mean she and her first husband, or her second husband?"" The priest replied, ""I mean her legs.""

So on their honeymoon, the couple are about to make love when the bride says ""Please be gentle, I'm a virgin"". Her newly wed husband looks stunned and says, ""But, darling- before me, you've had three husbands... how could you have gone all this time without-"" ""Well"" sighed the woman, ""my first husband was a gynaecologist, and he only wanted to look at it. My second was a psychologist, but he only wanted to TALK about it, and finally, my third husband was a professional stamp collector and…

A 90 year old woman is getting married for the fourth time. A news crew is there to document the story. The reporter asks the woman about her odd marital past. ""Let me get this right,"" he says. ""Your first husband was a banker. Your second husband was a clown. Your third husband was a doctor, and you're about to marry a mortician. Why the menagerie of different men?"" She smirked and said ""It was one for the money, two for the show, three to get ready and four to go.""

A Great Italian Place Two elderly couples get together every Sunday night for dessert and coffee. One Sunday, while the wives are in the kitchen, the husbands are chatting about restaurants. ""We found a lovely little Italian place in town"" one husband says. ""Delicious manicotti, great wines, just perfect."" ""What is it called?"" the other husband says. The first husband goes, ""It was called...oh, my. I can't...it's called...oh, darn it. It's right on the tip of my tongue! Wait, okay, what's…

A man placed some flowers on the grave of his dearly departed mother and started back toward his car when his attention was diverted to another man kneeling at a grave. The man seemed to be praying with profound intensity and kept repeating, ""Why did you have to die? Why did you have to die?"" The first man approached him and said, ""Sir, I don't wish to interfere with your private grief, but this demonstration of pain is more than I've ever seen before. For whom do you mourn so deeply? A child…

7 and 7 is 11 A woman from Chelm went to the market one day to buy herring and a loaf of bread. ""How much is it?"" she asked the storekeeper. ""14 cents,"" answered the storekeeper to the lady. ""14 cents! For what?"" asked the lady. The storekeeper explained: The herring costs 7 cents, and the loaf of bread costs 7 cents also. So together it comes to 14 cents."" ""I know different. To the best of my recollection, 7 and 7 is 11."" ""What are your saying?"" ""As far as I know, 7 and 7 is 11... I…

A man placed some flowers on the grave of his dearly departed mother and started back toward his car when his attention was diverted to another man kneeling at a grave. The man seemed to be praying with profound intensity and kept repeating, ""Why did you have to die? Why did you have to die?"" The first man approached him and said, ""Sir, I don't wish to intrude on your private grief, but this demonstration of pain is more than I've ever seen before. For whom do you mourn so deeply? A child? A …

A man placed some flowers on the grave of his dearly departed mother and started back toward his car when his attention was diverted to another man kneeling at a grave. The man seemed to be praying with profound intensity and kept repeating ""Why did you have to die? Why did you have to die? Why did you have to die?"" The first man approached him and said ""Sir I don't wish to interfere with your private grief but this demonstration of pain is more than I've ever seen before. For whom do you …

Two ladies were hanging out together and one was depressed. ""What's wrong?"" The depressed one replied ""I've been married four times and everyone of my husbands has passed away."" The other lady asked ""What did they used to do?"" The depressed lady replied ""Well my first husband was a millionaire the second was a magician the third was an evangelist and the fourth was a mortician."" And the other said ""Oh one for the money two for the show three to get ready and four to go.""

A couple of newlyweds on were on their honeymoon and moments before the passionate love making commenced, the wife says to the husband, "Please, be gentle, I'm still a virgin." The husband was shocked and replied, "How's this possible? You've been married *three* times before!" The wife responds, "Well, my first husband was a gynecologist and all he wanted to do was look at it. My second husband was a psychiatrist and all he wanted to do was talk about it. Finally, my third husband was a stamp…

Just a joke I know. There was a lady in her 90s who became a sort of local celebrity because she had recently gotten married. The local news station decided to interview her. The interviewer asked questions like how it was to be newlywed in her 90s. "This isn't my first husband, so it's not much different than the others" She replied with a smile. "Oh? How many husbands have you had?" The interviewer inquired. "This one will be my fourth." She replied. "I was married in my 20s to a banker, th…

Sandra, a devout Catholic, got married and had 11 children. After her first husband died, she remarried and had 11 more children. A few weeks after her second husband died, Sandra also passed away. At Sandra's funeral, the priest looked skyward and said, "At last, they're finally together." Her sister sitting in the front row said, "Excuse me, Father, but do you mean she and her first husband, or she and her second husband?" The priest replied, "I mean her legs."

Fourth husband A wife was lying in her bed with her fourth husband, they were just married and very much in love. Says the wife, "please be gentle, I am still a virgin." So the husband asks, "how can you be a virgin if you've been married three times?". Says the wife: My first husband was a psychiatrist: when it came to my cooch, all he wanted to do was talk about it. My second husband was a gynaecologist: when it came to my cooch, all he wanted to do was look at it. My third husband was a …