#second-wife

I am a widower three times over..... My first wife died when she ate some poisonous mushrooms from the yard. My second wife died from eating the same mushrooms. My third wife fell down the stairs because she wouldnt eat the mushrooms.

Three wives are having drinks at bar. After a few drinks they begin comparing their husbands to soda. The first wife says ""Well, my husband would be 7-UP. He's seven inches and straight up."" The second wife thinks for a second and says ""Mountain Dew. He's always mounting me and we're always doing it."" After a couple seconds the third wife says ""My husband would be Jack Daniels."" The first wife says ""Jack Daniels is a liquor, not a soda."" ""Yep, that would my him.""

Veteran Pillsbury spokesman Pop N. Fresh died Wednesday... Veteran Pillsbury spokesman Pop N. Fresh died Wednesday of a severe yeast infection. He was 71. He was buried Friday in one of the biggest funerals in years. Dozens of celebrities turned out including Mrs. Butterworth, the California Raisins, Hungry Jack, Betty Crocker, and the Hostess Twinkies. The graveside was piled high with flours, as longtime friend Aunt Jemima delivered the eulogy, describing Fresh as a man who ""never knew he was…

A man tells a friend that he had three wives pass away. A man is talking with a friend and reveals to him that his last three wives had passed away. ""That's terrible! What caused them to pass away?"" The friend asked, sympathetically. ""Well,"" says the man, ""my first wife ate poison mushrooms and died from that. Then, my second wife found the poison mushrooms in the refrigerator, ate them and died as well. My third wife, however, died from a fractured skull."" Taken aback, the friend replies,…

Ive been married twice... my first wife died of mushroom poisoning and my second wife died of a fractured skull. She didnt like mushrooms.

Ed and Ted met for the first time in twenty years... Ed and Ted met for the first time in twenty years. ""So, how's life been for you? "" Ed asked. ""Not too good,"" Ted replied. ""My first wife died of cancer, my second wife turned out to be a lesbian and ran off with another woman and took all our savings, my son's in prison for trying to kill me, my daughter got run over by a bus, my house was hit by a low-flying aircraft, my vintage car rolled off the dockside into the sea, I had to have my …

It is with the saddest heart that I have to pass on the following news about a great American icon.. Veteran Pillsbury spokesperson, The Pillsbury Doughboy, died yesterday of a severe yeast infection and complications from repeated pokes to the belly. He was 71. Doughboy was buried in a slightly greased coffin. Dozens of celebrities turned out, including Mrs. Buttersworth, the California Raisins, Hungry Jack, Betty Crocker, the Hostess Twinkies, Capt'n Crunch, Mr. Goodbar, The Tidy Bowl Man, and…

Dough Boy Veteran Pillsbury spokesman Pop N. Fresh died Wednesday of a severe yeast infection. He was 71. He was buried Friday in one of the biggest funerals in years. Dozens of celebrities turned out including Mrs. Butterworth, the California Raisins, Hungry Jack, Betty Crocker, and the Hostess Twinkies. The graveside was piled high with flours, as longtime friend Aunt Jemima delivered the eulogy, describing Fresh as a man who "never knew he was kneaded". Fresh rose quickly in show business…

A guy walks into a bar... A guy walks into a bar and he sees this sad guy sitting there, so he decides to cheer him up. He goes and sits down, asks him what is troubling him. The guy replies "I lost my third wife" Nice guy responds "Damn man that's horrible, if you dont mind me asking, what happened to the first wife?" "She ate poison mushrooms" Nice guy is shocked he says "Damn man that's horrible, I have to ask, what happened to the second wife?" "She ate poison mushrooms too" Now he's …

I thought my friends would be mad that I had a secret second wife. Instead, they all said that it was big of me to do that. (Thanks, Groucho.)

My first wife died from eating poison mushrooms; my second wife died of a fractured skull... She wouldn't eat her mushrooms.

What do you call the vehicle used to carry Henry VIII's second wife to the hospital? An Anne-Boleyn-ce.

Sophie and Shirley, two elderly widows in a Florida adult community, are curious about the latest arrival in their building -- a quiet, nice looking gentleman who keeps to himself. Shirley says,"Sophie, you know I'm shy. Why don't you go over to him at the pool and find out a little about him. He looks so lonely." Sophie agrees, and later that day at the pool, she walks up to him and says, "Excuse me, mister. I hope I'm not prying, but my friend and I were wondering why you looked so lonely." "O…

I have had two unlucky marriages. My first wife ran away with another guy. My second wife didn’t!

Kevin : “Ben, last year the name plate outside your house read Ben, B.A. This year it reads Ben, M.A.When did you finish your Masters Degree?” Ben : You don’t understand. Last year my wife died, I put B.A. to indicate “Bachelor Again”. Then I took a second wife, So M.A. is “Married Again”.

Two men are chatting in a bar. First man says, “I've had terrible luck with both of my wives.” “How come?” said the second man. “Well” said the first man, “My first wife left me .... and my second wife hasn't!”