#henry

Henry constantly confuses sleeping people with dead people. Henry is also a necrophiliac so things get awkward for Henry quick

[on date] girl: "id like to if i met mr right, how bout you? have you ever been married" henry the eighth: "our food sure is taking a while"

Three explorers are in Egypt (long) and they stumble upon some old ruins. In the ruins they find a big room, with three doors. The first explorer, Henry, goes up to the door and reads: ""Who ever enters this door will die a fiery death."" He doesn't believe in superstitions, so he goes through the door to find a long hallway. At the end of the hallway, another door. Behind that door is a room full of treasure, so he takes as much as he can carry and leaves. He enters the hallway and walks about …

The four Goldberg brothers Here's a little factoid for automotive buffs or just to dazzle your friends. The four Goldberg brothers Lowell, Norman, Hiram, and Maxwell invented and developed the first automobile air-conditioner. On July 17, 1946, the temperature in Detroit was 97 degrees. The four brothers walked into old man Henry Ford's office and sweet-talked his secretary into telling him that four gentlemen were there with the most exciting innovation in the auto industry since the electric s…

Two brothers go to Catholic school... ... and they are always getting into trouble. But whenever they get caught in their mischief, the older boy, Frank, says to the younger, Henry, ""It'll be ok, as long as we stick together."" And even though Henry is much more nervous than Frank, this always gives him the confidence to withstand the latest round of scolding. One day, the boys do something REALLY bad, and they get called to the headmaster's office. Henry is very anxious. ""Frank,"" he says, ""…

What do Kermit the Frog and Henry the Eighth have in common? They share the same middle name.

A woman is in a bar.. She is walking out of the women's bathroom when this man grabs her arm and says ""wow youre beautiful"" the woman smiles, then the man adds ""id love to drink Guinness from your minge"" disgusted the woman storms back to her husband who is sat on the over side of the bar. ""You wont believe what that guy just said to me"" she says nearly tearing up, ""who, what?"" Replies the husband. She starts explaing "" well at first he said i was beautiful"" the husband smiles ""well y…

An elderly couple was having dinner one evening When the husband reached across the table, took his wife's hand in his and said, ""Martha, soon we will be married 50 years, and there's something I have to know. In all of these 50 years, have you ever been unfaithful to me?"" Martha replied, ""Well Henry, I have to be honest with you. Yes, I've been unfaithful to you three times during these 50 years, but always for a good reason. Henry was obviously hurt by his wife's confession, but said, ""I n…

It's been quite a while since I saw a movie with Jane, Henry, or Bridget I guess it's true what they say - absence makes the heart grow Fonda.

Kids first day at school! It was the first day of a school in USA and a new Indian student named Chandrasekhar Subramanian entered the fourth grade. The teacher said, ""Let's begin by reviewing some American History. Who said 'Give me Liberty , or give me Death'?"" She saw a sea of blank faces, except for Chandrasekhar, who had his hand up:?'Patrick Henry, 1775'he said. 'Very good! Who said 'Government of the People, by the People, for the People, shall not perish from the Earth?'' Again, no res…

Vicky gets her helicopter ride Henry and his wife Vicky went to the state fair every year, and every year Vicky would say, ""Henry, I'd like to ride in that helicopter"". Henry always replied, ""I know Vicky, but that helicopter ride is 50 dollars -- and 50 dollars is 50 dollars"". One year Henry and Vicky went to the fair, and Vicky said, ""Henry, I'm 85 years old. If I don't ride that helicopter, I might never get another chance."" Henry replied, ""Vicky that helicopter is 50 dollars -- and 50…

Ever hear of Henry, Santa's brown nosed reindeer? He is just as fast as Rodolph but couldn't stop as quickly.

It is 1538 and the Dissolution of Monasteries by King Henry VIII is in progress... having broken away from the Catholic church, Henry had angered many adherents both domestic and abroad, and sought to shut down any institutions that swore their allegiance to the Catholic church before he had a revolt on his hands. He attempted to completely squash all churches, monasteries and friaries that remained devoutly Catholic. While for most he could simply cut off their ability to function by seizing th…

Two lawyers on their way to the pub. Two hipster lawyers named Henry and Garfunkel were driving through downtown Boston on their way to the pub to meet up with some old classmates for some craft beers. Both of them had been working so hard since law school and were really looking forward to relaxing in style with a cold pint. Unfortunately, the traffic was horrendous that day as they had left the office in the middle of rush hour. They'd been driving for more than hour when Henry said to Garfunk…

You wanna know why Indian Students are disliked abroad?? read on.....It was the first day of a school in USA and a new Indian student named Chandrasekhar Subramanian entered the fourth grade. The teacher said, ""Let's begin by reviewing some American History. Who said 'Give me Liberty , or give me Death'?"" She saw a sea of blank faces, except for Chandrasekhar, who had his hand up:?'Patrick Henry, 1775'he said. 'Very good! Who said 'Government of the People, by the People, for the People, shall…

Want to hear a clean joke? Henry took a bath with bubbles. Want to hear a dirty joke? Bubbles was a man.

What did Alyssa the duck say to Henry the beaver? Quack quack!

A woman married to a cheapskate... A woman is on one of those cruises where the ashes of loved ones may be dumped into the sea. She had been married to rich man, but a real cheapskate, who after 30 years of marriage finally died. The lady had her husband cremated, at his wishes, because he felt a plot would cost too much. After the memorial services, she went to the railing and poured his ashes into her hands and started talking to him. ""Henry,"" she said, ""you know that mink cape I wanted all…

The kerplunk A young man, Henry, wins a tour on a luxury cruise for two in the early 20th century, through a magazine contest. He is extremely excited and brings his best friend along with him. He takes a bus to the docks and when he sees the boat his jaw drops. Never in his life had he seen such a magnificent boat. It seemed a kilometer long and at least 40 meters high. There was an Olympic sized pool on the deck and enough room for at least a thousand people aboard. Henry and his friend are sh…

[Pun] Why did Henry invent the assembly line? He couldn't a-Ford not to. *bad-dum tish*

Just after Jane Fonda was born.. ..the doctor approached her father Henry with bad news. 'I'm afraid your new baby daughter has an underdeveloped heart, we're going to have to inject her with pus and create an abscess.' Henry is shocked. 'I've never heard of the like, what quackery do you call this?!?' 'Well, an abscess makes the heart grow, Fonda!'

Just after Jane Fonda was born.. ..the doctor approached her father Henry with bad news. 'I'm afraid your new baby daughter has an underdeveloped heart, we're going to have to inject her with pus and create an abscess.' Henry is shocked. 'I've never heard of the like, what quackery do you call this?!?' 'Well, an abscess makes the heart grow, Fonda!' (Sorry if you are seeing this again, I posted this last night so was almost expecting it to be visible on Reddit somewhere today).

John eagerly awaits for his first child to be born... After 9 hours in labor his wife gives birth to a baby boy, Henry. John is so overcome with joy, he vows always to keep him happy and offer him the best in life. Henry is 5 years old. John ask him ""Henry, what do you want for your birthday?"" Henry says ""a pingpong ball"" John is confused at first. So John gets him a brand new bike. Henry is 16 years old. He gets his first job and quickly rises to assistant manager. John is so proud of his s…

Who invented fractions? Henry the 1/8

Henry Lang grew up in Kansas, part of the most wealthy and influentialfamily in the area. Everyone around knew of the Langs, and eventually, ingratitude for all that the family had done for the area, the townsfolkerected a huge sign in front of the train station, saying, ""Welcome on behalfof the Langs."" One day, Henry, now in his forties, returned to the area, andhe was shocked to see that the townsfolk had taken down the old Lang sign.