#royce

"Rolls Royce" is my favorite car that sounds like an Australian describing a sushi chef

Three friends die and go to heaven.. ..when they get there, they see St. Peter at the pearly gates. St. Peter greets them and tells them that to enter heaven they must each answer one question, completely honestly. St. Peter calls the first man up and asks him if he ever cheated on his wife. The man tells St. Peter, ""I never cheated on my wife, I loved her everyday of my life."" St. Peter then welcomes the man into Heaven and tells him because of his faithfulness he gets to drive a Rolls Royce …

The exchange student A wealthy Arab had a son who was an exchange student in America. Because of his father's wealth, the son would arrive to school every day in a luxurious Rolls-Royce. Soon after school started, the son sent a letter to his father. It said ""Dear father. I feel very ashamed; I arrive to school everyday in a Rolls-Royce. All my professors arrive by train!"" he soon got a letter back from his father, along with $20 million. His father's letter read ""Dear son, you are embarrassi…

A blonde walks into a bank in New York City... A blonde walks into a bank in New York City and asks for the loan officer. She says she's going to Europe on business for two weeks and needs to borrow $5,000. The bank officer says the bank will need some kind of security for the loan, so the blonde hands over the keys to a new Rolls Royce. The car is parked on the street in front of the bank; she has the title, and everything checks out. The bank agrees to accept the car as collateral for the loan…

A snail walks into a car dealership... and is immediately greeted by a salesman. ""I want your finest car"", says the snail. So the salesman drives up in a brand new, pearl white fully loaded Rolls Royce. The snail is very excited. ""Excellent. Now before I pay for this car, is there something else you can do for me?"" The salesman is about to wet himself from the sweet commission he's about to get. ""What do you need?"" The snail replies ""I want you to take this black paint, and cover the enti…

Washing cars One day, little Jimmy was walking home from school when something catches his eye. Peering into a shop window he saw a brand new red bicycle. ""Wow,"" he thought to himself, ""that sure is a great looking bike but neither my parents or I can afford it!"". Jimmy stares at it in admiration for a few minutes before carrying on his journey home. Over dinner, he mentions this bicycle to his parents and how he desires to one day buy it for himself. His parents being the type to teach thei…

A rich new york blonde goes to a bank to get a loan She talks to the man and asks for a $5000 loan while she goes on vacation. She puts up her rolls royce as collateral, which is clearly worth far more than $5000. A few weeks later she returns to said bank and asks what she owes. The bank teller says she owes $15 in interest on top of the $5000. After she pays it, he asks her why she put up such a valuable car for such a low sum. She replies, ""Well where else am I going to find parking in New Y…

Bran Muffins An old couple, he 85 years old and she 83, having been married almost 60 years, had died in a car crash. They had been in good health the last ten years mainly due to the wife's interest in health food and exercise. When they reached the gates of Heaven, St. Peter took them to their mansion, which was decked out with a beautiful kitchen, master bath suite, and Jacuzzi. As they gasped at the splendor of their estate, the old man asked Peter how much all this was going to cost. ""It's…

A man walks into a restaurant... A man walks into a restaurant with a full-grown ostrich behind him. The waitress asks them for their orders. The man says, ""A hamburger, fries and a coke,"" and turns to the ostrich, ""What's yours?"" ""I'll have the same,"" says the ostrich. A short time later the waitress returns with the order. ""That will be $9.40 please."" The man reaches into his pocket and pulls out the exact change for payment. The next day, the man and the ostrich come again and the man…

A man and an ostrich. A man walks into a restaurant with a full-grown ostrich behind him. The waitress asks them for their orders. The man says, ""A hamburger, fries and a coke,"" and turns to the ostrich, ""What's yours?"" ""I'll have the same,"" says the ostrich. A short time later the waitress returns with the order. ""That will be $9.40 please."" The man reaches into his pocket and pulls out the exact change for payment. The next day, the man and the ostrich come again and the man says, ""A …

Blondes can be smart A blonde walks into a bank in New York City and asks for the loan officer. She says she's going to Europe on business for two weeks and needs to borrow $5,000. The bank officer says the bank will need some kind of security for the loan, so the blonde hands over the keys to a new Rolls Royce. The car is parked on the street in front of the bank; she has the title, and everything checks out. The bank agrees to accept the car as collateral for the loan. The bank's president and…

A blonde walks into a bank in search of a $5000 loan A blonde walks into a bank in NYC before going on vacation and asks for a $5000 loan. The banker asks ""Okay miss, is there anything you would like to use as collateral?"" The woman replies ""Yes, of course. I would like to use my Rolls Royce."" The banker, stunned, asks, ""A $250,000 Rolls Royce? Really?"" The woman is completely positive. She hands over the keys as the bankers and loan officers laugh at her. They check her credentials, make …

Once there was a girl who wanted a boyfriend........ Once there was a girl who wanted a boyfriend. Her mom wanted to help her, so she set up a blind date for her daughter. When the girl got back from the date she said ""That was the worst night of my life!"" ""Why is that?"" her mom asked. ""He owns a 1922 Rolls Royce!"" ""Isn't that a good thing?"" ""He's the original owner mom!""

A guy in a van pulls up next to a Rolls-Royce at a red light and asks, ""Hey, is your car Bluetooth enabled?"" The Rolls owner nods. ""So is mine. Got Wi-Fi?"" The Rolls owner nods again. ""Me too. What about a double bed?"" ""No. Do you?"" asks the Rolls guy. ""Yep."" The light changes and the van takes off. Jealous, the Rolls guy heads to a Pimp My Rolls customising shop and gets a double bed installed, then drives around until he finds the van parked on the side of the road. He raps on the wi…

Can I get a loan? This one's my absolute favorite because it's so true (I know cause I'm Iranian): An Iranian man walks into a bank New York City and asks for the loan officer. He says he's going to Europe on business for two weeks and needs to borrow $5000. The bank officer says the bank will need some kind of security for the loan, so the Iranian hands over the keys to a new Rolls Royce, which costs quarter of a million dollars. ""The car is parked on the street in front of the bank,"" says th…

In heaven, in order to see what vehicle you will be given, Peter must ask you a question... The first man comes up, and Peter asks, ""Have you ever cheated on your wife?"" The man answers, ""no never!"" Peter replies, ""ok, you get a Rolls Royce."" A second man comes up, Peter asks him the same question and he answers, ""well once or twice, but only in the first year!"" ""Ok, you get a Buick"" A third man comes up, Peter asks him the question, and he answers, ""yeah, but not the last year!"" ""O…

A man walks into a restaurant with a full-grown ostrich behind him. The waitress asks them for their orders. The man says, 'A hamburger, fries and a coke,' and turns to the ostrich, 'What's yours?' 'I'll have the same,' says the ostrich. A short time later the waitress returns with the order 'That will be $9.40 please,' and the man reaches into his pocket and pulls out the exact change for payment. The next day, the man and the ostrich come again and the man says, 'A hamburger, fries and a coke'…

A blonde walks into a bank in New York City and asks for the loan officer. She says she's going to Europe on business for two weeks and needs to borrow $5,000. The bank officer says the bank will need some kind of security for the loan, so the blonde hands over the keys to a new Rolls Royce. The car is parked on the street in front of the bank; she has the title, and everything checks out. The bank agrees to accept the car as collateral for the loan. The bank's president and its officers all enj…

Scooter Three men die in a car accident. They all go to heaven, and God asks the first one... ""how faithful were you to your wife?"" He says "" I cheated only 4 times."" God says aight. Not bad. You can have a Toyota corolla. Second guy same question, just once on a business trip. God is like ok that's great. Cadillac. Third dude...never...God says rolls royce. Two days later rolls Royce guy sitting on curb in tears. other dudes all like oh shit it's dat Boi wud up? Why u cry? He's replies. I s…

A Man & an Ostrich A man walks into a restaurant with a full-grown ostrich bird behind him. The waitress asks them for their orders. The man says, 'A hamburger, fries and a coke,' and turns to the ostrich, 'What's yours?' 'I'll have the same,' says the ostrich. A short time later the waitress returns with the order 'That will be $9.40 please,' and the man reaches into his pocket and pulls out the exact change for payment. The next day, the man and the ostrich come again and the man says, 'A …

A man dies and arrives in heaven... ...and finds himself in a short line of men waiting to speak with St. Peter before entering the magnificent gilded gates of heaven. St. Peter addresses them: ""Welcome to Heaven! You were all good people, that is why you are here. But no one is all good, or all bad, and some of our policies reflect this and try to strike a balance. Before you enter heaven, I will be assigning each of you a vehicle based upon your fidelity in your relationship with your wife. W…

Who doesn't like a blonde joke? A blonde walks into a bank in New York City and asks for the loan officer. She says she's going to Europe on business for two weeks and needs to borrow $5,000. The bank officer says the bank will need some kind of security for the loan, so the blonde hands over the keys to a new Rolls Royce. The car is parked on the street in front of the bank; she has the title, and everything checks out. The bank agrees to accept the car as collateral for the loan. The bank's pr…

A woman married to a cheapskate... A woman is on one of those cruises where the ashes of loved ones may be dumped into the sea. She had been married to rich man, but a real cheapskate, who after 30 years of marriage finally died. The lady had her husband cremated, at his wishes, because he felt a plot would cost too much. After the memorial services, she went to the railing and poured his ashes into her hands and started talking to him. ""Henry,"" she said, ""you know that mink cape I wanted all…

Car accident department at heaven... An Englishman, American and a Russian are sitting waiting for their turn to get to heaven. Boring long wait so the Brit asked the American: ""So why are you here"". Brit: ""Damn truck, head on collision in my Rolls Royce, what about you?"" American: ""Aaah, was driving drunk and couldn't handle my Ford Mustang and off the cliff I went."" Then they curiously look at the Russian who is really quiet and sits in the corner looking all sad. Both of them ask then: …

A Jew asks for a $5000 loan A Jew walks into a bank in NYC before going on vacation and asks for a $5,000 loan. The banker asks, ""Okay, jew, is there anything you would like to use as collateral?"" The Jew says, ""Yes, of course. I'll use my Rolls Royce."" The banker, stunned, asks, ""A $250,000 Rolls Royce? Really?"" The Jew is completely positive. He hands over the keys, as the bankers and loan officers laugh at him. They check his credentials, make sure he is the title owner. Everything chec…