#ford

Oregon Trail 2016: Jayden has a gluten allergy. You can't even ford the river rn. Purchase one woke of oxen? Madison is literally dead

Her: So what do you do? Him: I'm a pickup artist. Her: Pig! [leaves] Him: *sighs* [puts away prints of exquisitely painted Ford F-150s]

I dented my Ford Focus and now it's blurry.

*Sees old 1987 ford mustang and gets in* Lets see if this baby still works *pulls baby out of backpack* *baby cries* Great! *Puts it back*

Dear @Ford what about an f-150 you could drive standing up in the bed like the truck was a boat

What's your name? SIENNA Where you from, Sienna? MALIBU Do you like sports? GOLF You're just replying w car brands aren't you? FORD F-SERIES

To the dude i just saw driving a beat up Ford mini van with spare tire and dream catcher on mirror: that dream catchers not working dude!

My house is so trashed that Whitney Houston just dropped by in her 1988 Ford Escort & gave me a high five & then she asked me for ten bucks.

911: What's your emergency? "I put the Ford in affordable housing." 911: Are you flirting? "No I crashed into some apartments. SEND HELP"

She said she wanted to bump uglies. So, naturally, I got all showered & freshened up and then I rammed my Ford Pinto into her Honda Element.

How about how some people are SO gothed out but still drive a Ford Focus and shit?! Make your vehicle goth or you ain't shit.

"I think I have ADHD, doc" why? "I keep forgetting where I parked my Ford" that's not- "yeah I keep losing my Focus" get out of my office

So glad the new phone book arrived, because I hate texting the wrong number from the rotary phone in my Ford Model T.

I'd watch Pimp My Ride: One Year Later, a show about people coming to terms with maintaining a fish tank and waffle-maker in a Ford Fiesta.

A cowboy walks into a bar, a few miles West of Brokeback Mountain, and, after two steps in, he realizes it's a gay bar. 'What the hell,' he says to himself, 'I really want a drink.' When the bartender approaches, he says to the cowboy, 'What's the name of your 'willy'?' The cowboy says, 'Look, I'm not into any of that. All I want is a drink.' The bartender says, 'I'm sorry but I can't serve you until you tell me the name of your 'willy'. Mine for instance is called NIKE, for the slogan 'Just Do …

Windows vs. Ford At a recent computer expo (COMDEX), Bill Gates reportedly compared the computer industry with the auto industry and stated, 'If Ford had kept up with technology like the computer industry has, we would all be driving $25 cars that got 1,000 miles to the gallon.' In response to Bill's comment, Ford issued a press release stating: If Ford had developed technology like Microsoft, we would all be driving cars with the following characteristics (and I just love this part): 1. For no …

A man drives home from the musical instruments store... ... he has just bought a new drumset for his 10 year old son's birthday. He is going about 30 miles per hour through a residential neighborhood and listening to the radio when a Nickelback song comes on. He is annoyed and starts changing the channels. While he is distracted, his pickup truck (a blue Ford F-150) hits a speed bump at 30 mph. He immediately worries about the drumkit that he just bought, he looks back and sees a drum and two cy…

get over here! ""You know, I went fishing up on Warwoman this weekend and saw something I ain't never seen before in my life... I was just driving along mindin' my own business... I guess I was doin' about 40 at the time, and I caught a glimpse of something in the rear view mirror... Next thing I know, I looked up and there was a four legged chicken passed me !!!"" As everyone chuckled, someone asked,""Are you serious !?!"" ""Yep,"" Ford replied. "" I thought my eyes was playin' tricks on me, so…

Henry ford meets god Henry Ford dies and goes to heaven. At the Gates, St. Peter greets Ford and tells him, ""Well, you've been such a good guy, and your invention ... the Assembly line for the automobile ... changed the world. As a reward, you can hang out with anyone in Heaven you want."" Ford thinks about it, and says, ""I want to hang out with God Himself."" So the befuddled St. Peter takes Ford to the Throne Room, and introduces him to God. Ford asks God, ""When you invented Woman, what wer…

What's your favorite pickup line? Mine is the Ford F Series.

Did you hear Renault and Ford are going release a hyrbrid vehicle this year mixing the Renault 'Clio' and the Ford 'Taurus' together

What's the worst part about driving Ford off a cliff? Ford was my best friend.

So I heard you just saw a play at Ford Theater, how was it? It was Mind-Blowing

A chef complains that the kitchen is too smokey and the owner offers a free meal to anyone who can solve the problem. So a farmer walks into the restaurant and sits his young son on a bar stool. The boy is wearing a John Deere t-shirt, a Massey Fergusson jacket and a Ford cap. The farmer then turns to his son. ""Son""', he says, ""it's time for the truth. John Deere tractors are nothing but a pile of shit. Massey Fergusson tractors are even worse, they're just a steaming pile of horse shit. And …

My friend and I decided to race our Ford Pintos. Mine broke down three miles down the road. I had to walk the rest of the way. I won.