#shirley

I just ate an entire bag of Werther's and now I'm 80 years old, own a floral couch, smoke Virginia Slims, got a perm and my name is Shirley.

What did they tell the most famous child actress from the 30's when she tried to audition for a role in Harry Potter? Shirley you can't be Sirius.

Doug comes home very drunk one night... He sneaks upstairs to his bedroom and passes out next to his wife, Shirley. All of a sudden, his room fills with a bright light and hovering over the foot of the bed is an angel. Doug is very frightened and has no idea what is going on. The angel says, "Doug, don't be afraid. I am come to tell you that you are dead. You died of alcohol poisoning." Doug is upset, scared, saddened, everything all at once. "Dead? I never even got to say goodbye to my…

MY WIFE IS A LIAR! 'That wife of mine is a liar.' said the angry husband to a sympathetic pal seated next to him in the bar. 'How do you know?' the friend asked. 'She didn't come home last night, and when I asked her where she'd been, she said she'd spent the night with her sister, Shirley.' 'So?' the friend replied. 'So, she's a liar. I spent the night with her sister Shirley!

It's 2 am. A teenage girl climbs up a brick wall and slowly shimmies through her open bedroom window "Click!" Suddenly, light quickly engulfs the room. The girl discovers her mother siting on her bed with her right hand on the lamp string and a large angry grin of disapproval on her face. Mother - "What happened to your 12 am curfew?! Where were you??!" Daughter - "Sigh... I'm sorry mom! Yes I meant to call... I was at Shirley's house and lost track of time! Geez!" Mother - "That lie you ju…

I just asked Siri "Surely it's not going to rain today?". Siri replied "It is, and don't call me Shirley." I forgot to take my phone off airplane mode

That wife of mine is a liar said the angry husband to a sympathetic palseated next to him in the bar. "How do you know?" the friend asked. "She didn't come home last night and when I asked her where she'dbeen, she said she had spent the night with her sister, Shirley." "So?" "So she's a liar. I spent the night with her sister, Shirley."

Weather didn’t look great So I asked Siri: “Siri, surely it isn’t going to rain today” Siri replied “It is and don’t’ call me Shirley” I realised I had left my phone in airplane mode.

Leslie Nielsen auditioned for a specific role in Harry Potter. But the casting director, unsure who this old actor was, told him : — Shirley, you can't be Sirius.

I just asked Siri ""Surely it's not going to rain today?"". Siri replied ""It is and don't call me Shirley.""

Just asked Siri. "Surely it's not going to rain today?" She said "it will, and don't call me Shirley" ...Forgot to take my phone off Airplane mode.

Sophie and Shirley, two elderly widows in a Florida adult community, are curious about the latest arrival in their building -- a quiet, nice looking gentleman who keeps to himself. Shirley says,"Sophie, you know I'm shy. Why don't you go over to him at the pool and find out a little about him. He looks so lonely." Sophie agrees, and later that day at the pool, she walks up to him and says, "Excuse me, mister. I hope I'm not prying, but my friend and I were wondering why you looked so lonely." "O…

"That wife of mine is a liar," said the angry husband to a sympathetic pal seated next to him in the bar. "How do you know?" the friend asked. "She didn't come home last night and when I asked her where she'd been, she said she had spent the night with her sister, Shirley." "So?" "So she's a liar. I spent the night with her sister, Shirley."