#second-woman

The best salesperson ever was the first woman to shave off her eyebrows and draw them back on, then convince a second woman to do it.

Three women all die in a car crash and go to Heaven on the same day.... They are waiting at the gate when St. Peter arrives and greets them, ""Welcome to Heaven, ladies. There is only one rule here in Heaven and it is don't step on the ducks."" The women each look at each other confusingly. St. Pete opens the gate and sure enough there are thousands of tiny ducks covering the ground. The first woman goes in and lasts a week and steps on a duck. St. Peter appears out of nowhere with the ugliest m…

Three blonde women stumble across some tracks... The first one spots them in a large clearing and beckons her friends over. ""Look! I think I've found some deer tracks!"" The second woman snorts. ""Nonsense,"" she exclaims, ""those look like bear tracks to me."" ""Well they can't be both,"" says the third blonde impatiently. ""So what kind of tracks are they?"" And then the train hits them.

Three women die together in an accident and go to heaven...... When they get there, St. Peter says, ""We only have one rule here in heaven: don't step on the ducks!"" So they enter heaven, and sure enough, there are ducks all over the place. It is almost impossible not to step on a duck, and although they try their best to avoid them, the first woman accidentally steps on one. Along comes St. Peter with the ugliest man she ever saw. St. Peter chains them together and says, ""Your punishment for …

So a blonde and her two friends went hunting... The first woman comes back with a rabbit, to the amazement of the second woman, who proceeds to ask ""How'd you do it?"" To which the first replies ""Found the tracks, followed the tracks, saw the rabbit, shot the rabbit, rabbit stopped."" The second woman then goes out and comes back with a deer, to the amazement of the blonde, who proceeds to ask ""How'd you do it?"" The second woman says ""found the tracks, followed the tracks, saw the deer, sho…

In the gynecologist There were three women in the gynecologist taking prenatal exams. The doctor asked the first woman: In which position were the babies conceived? And she said: He was on top. You are going to have a boy!! - the doctor said. And the doctor asked the same question the second woman: I was on top. You are going to have a girl! In that, the third woman, the blond one, began to cry. What's wrong lady? I'm... I'm... I'm going to have puppiiiiieeeeees.

The Sports Mechanic Three middle-aged women are sitting on a park bench discussing their children. ""My son William studied Architecture at Cambridge. He's 25 years old now and he makes 70,000 a year at Bregmann and Hamann,"" the first woman says. ""My son Charlie read Law at Oxford. He'll be turning 23 in October and he makes 100,000 a year at Shoe Lane Chambers,"" says the second woman. ""My son Max didn't go to uni. He left school at the age of 16, as a matter of fact. He's 30 now, but he mak…

Pickup lines An old man drinking at the bar and sees a young man walk up to a girl and say ""Tickle your ass with a feather?"" Clearly surprised and upset the woman replies, ""What!!?"" The young man ""repeats"" himself and says ""Particularly nice weather?"" Embarrassed by her confusion the girl blushes and says, ""oh, well yes it has been nice"". They chat about the weather, exchange pleasantries and the young man moves on. The old man still observing and still drinking sees the young man try …

3 women were hiking when they reached the bottom of a hill. They looked at the map and they realised their destination was on the other side of the hill. They started arguing which was the quicker way to reach their destination, going over or around the hill. In the midst of their argument they find a lamp on the ground and on rubbing it a genie appears and grants then each a wish. The first woman asked to be 25% smarter and then she goes around the hill. The second woman asks to be 50% smarter …

Three women get together for coffee and the topic of conversation turns to contraception. The first woman says: ""We've used the rhythm method for years. The Holy Father approves of it and its surprisingly effective - it's only ever failed us twice."" The second woman says: ""Holy Father, Shmoly Father. We don't go for all that pious claptrap. We've always used the pill. It's easy, it doesn't rob us of our pleasure and it's only ever failed us once."" The third woman says: ""We've always used th…

I quacked up reading this! Three women die together in an accident and go to heaven. When they get there, St. Peter says, ""We only have one rule here in heaven: don't step on the ducks!"" So they enter heaven, and sure enough, there are ducks all over the place. It is almost impossible not to step on a duck, and although they try their best to avoid them, the first woman accidentally steps on one. Along comes St. Peter with the ugliest man she ever saw. St. Peter chains them together and says, …

Three women were sitting around throwing back a few drinks and talking about their love lives. One woman said, ""I call my husband the dentist. Nobody can drill like he does."" The second woman giggled and confessed, ""I call my husband the miner because of his incredible shaft."" The third woman quietly sipped her whiskey until her friend asked, ""Say, what do you call your husband?"" She frowned and said, ""The postman."" ""Why the postman?"" ""Because he always delivers late, and half the tim…

Three women die and go to Heaven... ...And they see Saint Peter at the Pearly Gates. ""Welcome to Heaven ladies! We just have on rule here,"" he said and narrows his eyes to show the gravity of the one rule. ""Don't step on the ducks."" The women looked confused, but accepted the the agreement. ""How hard could it be to not step on a duck? I went decades on Earth and never stepped on one,"" said one of the women. When the gates opened and they entered Heaven, their jaws dropped with the sight of…

hahahahaha wishes of three ladies.... Three women were trapped on an island. They needed to get across the water to the mainland. They came across a genie who said, ""I will grant you ladies three wishes."" The first woman said, ""Turn me into a fish"" and she swam across the water to the other island. The second woman said, ""Give me a boat"" and she rowed to the other side. The third woman said, ""Turn me into a man"" and she walked across the bridge.

3 women were at the gates of Heaven in front of St. Peter... The first woman approached him and he said ""Please confess to your sins to enter the gates of Heaven."" She said ""well I gave a man a hand job once."" Peter replied ""Please dip your hand into the holy water and you may proceed through the gates."" The second woman was about to reply, but the third woman skipped in front of her and said ""If you think I'm gonna put that water in my mouth after she dips her ass in it you are out of yo…

The Haircut! Female version: First Woman: Oh, you got a haircut! That's so cute! Second Woman: Do you think so? I wasn't sure when she gave me the mirror. I mean, you don't think it's too fluffy-looking? First Woman: Oh Goodness, no! No, it's perfect. I'd love to get my hair cut like that, but I think my face is too wide. I'm pretty much stuck with it how it is, I think. Second Woman: Are you serious? I think your face is adorable. And you could easily get one of those layer cuts-that would real…

Three women were talking about their husbands' performances as a lover... Three women were talking about their husbands' performances as a lover. The first woman said, ""My husband is a marriage counselor. He always buys me flowers and candies before we make love. I like that."" The second woman said, ""My husband is a motorcycle mechanic. He likes to play rough and slaps me around sometimes. I kind of like that."" The third woman just shook her head and said, ""My husband is a policeman. He jus…

Three women were trapped on an island... They needed to get across the water to the mainland. They came across a genie who said, ""I will grant you ladies three wishes."" The first woman said, ""Turn me into a fish"" and she swam across the water to the other island. The second woman said, ""Give me a boat"" and she rowed to the other side. The third woman said, ""Turn me into a man"" and she walked across the bridge.

Microsoft-Lover Three women were sitting around talking about their husbands' performance as lovers. The first woman says, ""My Husband works as a marriage counselor. He always buys me flowers and candy before we make love. I like that."" The second woman says, ""My husband is a motorcycle mechanic. He likes to play rough and slaps me around sometimes. I kinda like that."" The third woman just shakes her head and says, ""My husband works for Microsoft. He just sits on the edge of the bed and tel…

3 pregnant woman.... Three pregnant women are sitting around a table discussing their pregnancies. The first one says, ""I eat so many dills, my baby is gonna love pickles."" The second woman says, ""My baby is gonna love cheese, I eat swiss by the block!"" The first two mothers stare at the third waiting for her say what her baby will love. After a long pause she says, ""I guess I'm going to have a gay son.""

Young Miss Cadence is teaching calculus and asks Johnny: 'Johnny, 3 crows are sitting on the roof of the barn. You get your gun and shoot one down. How many crows are left on the roof?' After a long contemplation Johnny answers: ""None, Miss Cadence."" Miss Cadence looks surprised and asks him to try again. ""I'm sure it's none. You shoot one down and the other crows fly again"" Young Miss Cadence giggles and comments : ""No, Johnny.. It's two. But I like the way you think"" ""I've got a questio…

will you enjoy some humour? Q: Why doesn't law permit a man to marry a second woman? A: Because as per law you cannot be punished twice for the same offense! ------------ --------- --------- Man: Is there any way for long life? Dr: Get married. Man: Will it help? Dr: No, but the thought of long life will never come. ------------ --------- --------- Why do couples hold hands during their wedding? It's a formality just like two boxers shaking hands before the fight begins! ------------ --------- -…

Little Johnny's first day in kindergarten Little Johnny is sitting in his kindergarten class when the teacher asks the following question: ""There are three birds sitting on a fence, and a hunter shoots one of the birds. How many are left?"" Little Johnny raises his hand and says, ""There are zero birds left. One was shot, and the other two flew away when they heard the sound of the gunshot;"" to which the teacher replies ""No, Johnny, the answer is actually two, but I like the way you think."" …

Ronald Reagan was a funny guy... Two Irish ladies were at the wake for their dear friend. ""Poor Mollie,"" said the first woman, looking down at the body, ""she had such a hard life. First she married Mike, who gave her five crying children in six years. He beat her and never worked a day in his life. Then Mike up and died, and she married Johnny, who was even worse, giving her seven more children and not a penny of support. He was drunk all the time until he died, too. And now Mollie is gone, w…

Two women that are dog owners are arguing about which dog is smarter.... First Woman : ""My dog is so smart, every morning he waits for the paper boy to come around and then he takes the newspaper and brings it to me. Second Woman : ""I know..."" First Woman : ""How?"" Second Woman : ""My dog told me.""