#jim-beam

Congrats on your new baby. I remember a night where you drank a fifth of Jim Beam and crapped yourself. Glad you're raising a child now.

An illustrious Count, Wictor Oblodowsky, agrees to conduct Beethoven's 9th Symphony in a Baltimore gym. He's hesitant at first. He'd only been to America once before, and it was a favor for a friend. The oboist in his orchestra kindly loaned him the first season of The Wire, but the Count never watched it, as he'd never gotten around to buying a DVD player. After an uneventful flight and some trouble getting the timpani through customs, the weary orchestra checks into their hotel. The performanc…

The fire service is attending to a man who is trapped after falling into a vat of bourbon at the Jim Beam factory. Although, he is said to be in good spirits.

Johnnie Walker, Jack Daniels and Jim Beam walk into a bar What is this, said the bartender, Alcoholics Eponymous?

A drunk walks into a pet store . . . and leans heavily on the counter. ""Gimmie a shot of Jim Beam,"" he slurs to the clerk. ""I, I'm sorry, sir,"" says the clerk, ""you must be mistaken. This is a--"" ""Goddamnit, I wanna (hic) drink, you can't tell me what mzmblrf kn izzenuf!"" shouts the drunk, slamming his fist on the counter. Blinking, the clerk reaches behind him, and hands the drunk a little brown turtle. ""Please, sir; take this. I hope it will make you happy."" The drunk stares at the t…

Ferguson, MO In the after hours bars where the cops in Ferguson hang out, the most popular tipple is a 'Jim Crow': that's a shot of Jim Beam, and a shot of Old Crow - served separate, but equal.

Whiskey joke. Johnnie walker, Jim Beam and Evan Williams spend all night at the bar. Who pays the tab? Who gets a cab? Who goes home with a girl on the rag? Johnnie obviously doesn't get a cab. Despite having a unique taste, but also is the most expensive. So he pays the tab. Jim frequents many bars and isn't sure which one he's at or how to get home so he calls a cab. And Evan Williams, well he's just a nasty S.O.B.