#sven

Sven and Ole joke (do your best Swedish accent when reading their lines) Sven and Ole both lost their jobs when the clothing manufacturer they worked at closed. At the unemployment office, Sven was asked what position he held at the factory, he replied ""Ya, well I sew women's underpants."" He was told to go to the next line to claim his unemployment check. Ole was asked the same question, to which he replied ""Diesel fitter."" He too was told to go to the next line to get his unemployment check…

An illustrious Count, Wictor Oblodowsky, agrees to conduct Beethoven's 9th Symphony in a Baltimore gym. He's hesitant at first. He'd only been to America once before, and it was a favor for a friend. The oboist in his orchestra kindly loaned him the first season of The Wire, but the Count never watched it, as he'd never gotten around to buying a DVD player. After an uneventful flight and some trouble getting the timpani through customs, the weary orchestra checks into their hotel. The performanc…

Oli and sven One day Oli and Sven went out ice fishing. The started drilling into the ice and from above a voice boomed "" there are no fish under the ice!"" Heeding the advice the duo moved about 20 Feet and started drilling again. Again the the voice boomed ""there are no fish under the ice!"" Oli gazed up and asked ""are you god?!"" ""No"" the voice said ""I am the hockey rink manager!""

Ole and Sven die in a snowmobiling accident, drunker than skunks, and go to Hell. The Devil observes that they are really enjoying themselves. He says to them 'Doesn't the heat and smoke bother you? Ole replies, 'Vell, ya know, ve're from nordern Minnesooota, da land of snow an ice, an ve're yust happy fer a chance ta varm up a little bit, ya know.' The devil decides that these two aren't miserable enough and turns up the heat even more. When he returns to the room of the two guys from Minnesota…

Two Swedes live across the street from one another in a small town in Manitoba... Their names are Ollie and Sven. One morning, Sven is eating his Shreddies for breakfast and looks out the front window into Ollie's yard. Ollie has a sign out front that says ""Boat for sale."" Sven goes over to Ollie's house and says, ""Eh, Ollie, what's this sign here? You don't even own a boat! All you have is this 'ere tractor an' that pickup truck over 'der."" ""Aw yah,"" says Ollie, ""and they're boat fer sal…

Ole and Sven go to Hell (long) One day, Satan was walking through Hell, making sure the souls were properly tormented, until he came upon an unusual sight. Sitting next to a lava pool were Ole and Sven, decked out in parkas, hats, boots and gloves. Confused, Satan walks up to them and asks them why they're dressed for winter in Hell. Ole says, ""Vell yah know, ve're from Minnesota, a land of ice and snow and cold. Ve're just happy to finally be varm for a change."" Satan tries to reply, but can'…

One day some fisherman caught tons of fish called tench... One day some fisherman caught tons of fish called tench. The fisherman couldn't eat them all so they gave them to the Mayor of the town. The Mayor wasn't sure what to do with them, so he had an idea; he would have a fish-eating competition. After several rounds, two finalists emerged: Mr. Hicks from a small town named Fife and a man from Sweden named Sven. So they had the final. The Mayor fired the starting pistol and they started eating…

21st Birthdays A boy from Duluth, Minnesota named Lars had heard stories of an amazing family tradition. It seem that his father, grandfather and great grandfather had all been able to walk on water on their 21st birthdays, to the boat club across the lake for their first legal drink. So when Lars' 21st came around, he and his pal Sven took a boat out to the middle of the lake. Lars stepped out of the boat and nearly drowned. Sven managed to pull him to safety. Furious and confused, Lars went to…

Ole & Sven Ole and Sven are looking for work. They go to the employment agency to see what there is to do. Ole went in first, and says he's a wood chopper. He comes out and tell Sven they might as well move along, because there is no work here. Sven says we already came here, what's the harm in having a look? He went in, and when they asked what he does, he says Pilot. He comes out the door, and tells Ole he got a job! Ole was furious, so he goes back in to see why they didn't hire him first…

Sven And olaf Sven and Olaf are repairing the roof on the barn, Olaf hammers a few nails, then throws one over his shoulder, pounds a few more and throws another away. He keeps doing this till Sven sees him and asks ""Olaf vhy do you keep trowing avay the nails?"" Olaf replies "" ah there are so many facing the wrong vay"" ""ufda!"" Sven yells "" Vad Fan? pucko, they are for the odder side of the roof!!""

Can somebody explain this joke? (""I thought you said he was a deer"") One day, Sven and Ole were hunting, and suddenly a man came running out of the bushes yelling, ""Don't shoot! Don't shoot! I'm not a deer!"" Ole raised his gun and shot him dead. Sven said, ""Ole, why did you shoot that man? He said he wasn't a deer!"" And Ole replied, ""Oh! I thought he said he was a deer!"" http://www.angelo.edu/faculty/kboudrea/cheap/cheap3_regional.htm Honestly, I just don't understand it. [EDIT] Made a m…

Ole and Sven are out deer hunting... Ole and Sven are out deer hunting one day. They aren't having much luck but all of a sudden they hear something in the bushes. Another hunter jumps out and shouts ""wait don't shoot me I'm not a deer!"" Ole without hesitation fires one off and kills the hunter, Sven is livid ""Ole you idiot what did you do that for? That man jumped out of the bushes and and said he wasn't a deer and you shot him anyways."" Ole replies ""ohhh! I thought he said he WAS a deer!"…

Swedish ""raggar"" joke. A man, lets call him Sven, the king of kings, drives his American car in the summer on the Swedish country side. Alone, far from home looking for adventure. Clapping in tact with the music on his wheel. He spots a nun in traditional garment with a very heavy bag in one hand. The nun sticks out her hand out and lifts up her thumb. Sven slows down his car and stops a bit in front of the nun. He leans over, wheels down his window and turns his head the other way like he doe…

Two mountain climbers were breaking the record for climbing the world's tallest mountain. At the top of the mountain one climber said to the other: ""Sven, please hand me the flag so we can mark the success of our journey!"" ""I thought you brought it!""

So Ole and Sven go to hell... (from my local newspaper) Ole and Sven are from Minnesota. They die in a snowmobiling accident, drunker than skunks and go to Hell. The Devil observes that they are really enjoying themselves. He says to them 'Doesnt the heat and smoke bother you?' Ole replies, 'Vell, ya know, ve're from nordern Minnesota, da land of snow an ice, an ve're yust happy fer a chance ta varm up a little bit, ya know.' The devil decides that these two aren't miserable enough and turns up …

Indian bar game A Norwegian took a trip to Fargo, North Dakota. While in a bar, an Indian on the next stool spoke to the Norwegian in a friendly manner. ""Look,"" he said, ""let's have a little game. I'll ask you a riddle. If you can answer it, I'll buy you a drink. If you can't then you buy me one. OK?"" ""Ja, dat sounds purty good,"" said the Norwegian. The Indian said, ""My father and mother had one child. It wasn't my brother. It wasn't my sister. Who was it?"" The Norwegian scratched his he…

Sven walks into a bar... ... and sees his friend Bjorn sitting alone at a table. He orders a vodka, and sits down opposite him. Bjorn looks up and nods. Sven nods back. They sit like this, not speaking, for hours, waving to the barman when more vodka is required. Eventually Sven says, ""Snow again."" Bjorn replies, ""Look, if you're going to chat all night, then I'm going to have to find another bar.""

The only joke I've ever heard from my mother my mother just returned from Minnesota and relayed in horror that my uncle told this joke to a nurse at my grandmothers deathbed (thus telling me the joke) Olley's on his deathbed and tells his wife to come closer. ""Marry Sven"" he gasps. ""But honey I thought you hated, Sven?"" ""I do.""

Ole decides to take Sven hunting for the first time... They get up very early in the morning to head out, as hunters do. Sven said, ""Ole, you wait by dis der tree here, while I go down to da valley and flush out da deer. If you see a deer, you shoot it and I'll come. If you hear a gunshot over my way, you come over and help me drag 'er out."" Ole waited by the tree, and soon felt a rumbling in his stomach. Nature called, and he found a hollowed out log to sit on and do his business. Ole, being …

Boat for sale Ole walks by Sven's house and sees a sign that says ""Boat for sale"". He walks up the driveway and only sees a tractor and a lawn mower. He goes up to the door and says, ""Ole, I see dat sign dat says 'boat for sale,' but alls I see is a tractor and a lawn mower."" Sven says, ""Yup, and dey're boat for sale.""

Sven and Ole go to Hell. Ole and Sven die in a snowmobiling accident, drunker than skunks, and go to Hell. The Devil observes that they are really enjoying themselves. He says to them 'Doesn't the heat and smoke bother you? Ole replies, 'Vell, ya know, ve're from nordern Minnesooota, da land of snow an ice, an ve're yust happy fer a chance ta varm up a little bit, ya know.' The devil decides that these two aren't miserable enough and turns up the heat even more. When he returns to the room of th…

Sven went into the fish market to apply for a job. The boss thought to himself I'm not hiring that lazy Scandinavian, so he decided to set up a test for Sven hoping he wouldn't be able to answer the questions and he'd be able to refuse him the job without getting into an ... Read more...

Sven walks into a Minneapolis pharmacy and asks the pharmacist for a bottom deodorant. ""Sorry, we don't sell bottom deodorant"" the pharmacist replies, struggling to keep from laughing. ... ... ""But I alvays buy it here,"", Sven says. ""I bought von last month"". Thinking quickly, the pharmacist suggests, "" I don't know what you bought ... Read more...

Ole and Sven A man stumbles up to the only other patron in a bar and asks if he could buy him a drink. "why sure," comes the reply. The first man then asks: "where ya from?" "Norway," replies the second man. The first man responds, "Ya don't say, I'm from Norway too! Let's have another round to Norway." Curious, the first man then asks: "Where in Norway are ya from?" "Bergen," comes the reply. "I can't believe it," says the first man. "I'm from Bergen too! Let's have another drink to old…

Ole and Sven are flying a plane over northern Minnesota Ole is the pilot, and they are approaching their destination. Sven looks out the window and sees the runway in the distance. He notices the runway looks rather short and says, "Y'know, Ole, dat looks like a really short runway." Ole replies, "Oh, don't worry. Dis is a small plane after all. Dere's plenty of space for us to land." As they get closer, Sven sees that the runway is indeed very short, and he says, "Ole, I don't know bout dis,…