#sweden

I haven't said a single truthful thing on here since I became the King of Sweden.

The joke is on you... SWEDEN! Here's a few jokes: Q: How do you sink a Swedish submarine? A: You dive and knock on the hatch. Q: Why there is alway a man and a woman in Swedish police patrol? A: To avoid workplace romances. Q: What is a party game played by Swedes? A: One Swede goes into a box and the other Swede tries to guess which Swede is in it. Q: How do you sink a Swedish battleship? A: Let them build it themselves. Q: Why Swedes are bad fishermen? A: When they catch a fish, the try to kil…

What do they call a bra in Sweden? A holdsemfromfloppin

The ice fishing contest An ice fishing contest is held between Norway and Sweden. The teams from each country get up early and set up their gear at opposite sides of a lake. After about half an hour, the Norwegians haul up their first fish. The Swedes can hear them cheer from across the lake. Then another one bites, and throughout the day they catch a bunch of fish. The Swedes on the other hand can't even get a nibble. Thenext day the same thing happens, and the Swedes are yet to catch even one …

Why can't Sweden win a race? Because, it always sits right behind the Finnish line

What's the best thing about Sweden? I can't pick, but their flag is a huge plus.

Three men were married to girls from different parts of the world. The first man married a girl from Sweden. He told her that she must do the housework. It took a couple of days, but on the third day, he came home to see the house clean. The second man married a girl from Thailand. He told her that she must do the housework and have his dinner fixed promptly at 6pm every day. On the first and second days, he didn't see any results, but on the third day he came home and found his dinner on the ta…

What do you call people migrating to Sweden? Artificial Swedeners.

Morning after The morning after pill...did you know it's called the ""anti-baby pill"" in Germany? And in Sweden it's called the ""regret pill"". However in Chicago it's called the ""crime fighter"" pill.

The leader of China is growing restless so he tries to find a country that wants to fight his army, so he called Sweden... The leader of china calls Obama and says: ""Hey man, we havn't had a good fight in a while, how about we see who has the best army?"" To which Obama said: ""Look pal, you know me, we never say no to a big show down but we have so much on our plate right now. The election, the syrian crysis, superbowl...how about you come back in a couple of years? Or better yet, call Russia!…

In Sweden paternity leave is a big thing. And it is very challenging, almost every father loses 23lb in the first few weeks. They have no idea where the baby is.

What's the best thing about Sweden? Well, their flag is a big plus...

This day in Sweden... ...there was a black guy in Gothenburg.

What do you call immigrants in Sweden? Swede-ish

I was going to book a holiday to Sweden But then I realised I couldn't af-fjord it

There have been few historical examples of wars with three opposing sides. One such example occurred in the 11th century, with the three belligerents being the French, the English (Anglos) and the Vikings. The rivalry between each group was quite intense, and unlike other situations, the two weaker groups at the time did not join together to fight the strongest. Instead, this conflict involved three opposing sides, each one of them desperately wanting victory. However, as the war meandered on, i…

What do you call emigrates of Sweden? Swedouts.

Why do people traveling east out of Sweden get a metal? Because they're crossing the Finnish line.

One day some fisherman caught tons of fish called tench... One day some fisherman caught tons of fish called tench. The fisherman couldn't eat them all so they gave them to the Mayor of the town. The Mayor wasn't sure what to do with them, so he had an idea; he would have a fish-eating competition. After several rounds, two finalists emerged: Mr. Hicks from a small town named Fife and a man from Sweden named Sven. So they had the final. The Mayor fired the starting pistol and they started eating…

I'm not sure if I want to move to Sweden... but the flag is a big plus.

What do you call immigrants to Sweden? Ugly.

A midget went to the gym while visiting Sweden... He was a little thor the next day.

Two people have been killed and another seriously injured in a knife attack at an Ikea store in Sweden. Police are currently at the crime scene trying to piece the evidence together.

Why doesn't Sweden export it's cattle? It wants to keep it's Stockholm!

A german a swedish and an israeli are kidnapped by ISIS "Now infidels, you have one last wish before you are beheaded" The german pleads for mercy "Germany has always embraced your people, what have i done to deserve this ?" no answer "i.. i will have a sausage, and a good beer" The swedish screams at the top of his lungs "Have you no humanity !? sweden has fully welcomed your traditions and faith, why would you do this !" no answer ".. *gasp* i guess ill have the fish" The israeli yawn…