#lars

Metallica got the foreign distribution rights for Clint Eastwood films Kirk was sitting in the mixing booth when Lars popped his head in and asked: ""Hey man, what are you doing""     Kirk replied:     Oh I dub the unforgiven

The 7 Deadly Rules/Sins For Hipster #1. Be fashionable... Never! Never leave your house without red lipstick on (advice for women) or beard (for men). #2. Starbucks is your best friend now! Quit your lactose intolerance as fast as possible! Who cares about your health, just drink your chai tea latte and be cool! #3. Instagram: take a picture of your salad before the person next to you does! You need more followers who gonna support you when your hairdresser dyes your hair a wrong colour! #4. I k…

21st Birthdays A boy from Duluth, Minnesota named Lars had heard stories of an amazing family tradition. It seem that his father, grandfather and great grandfather had all been able to walk on water on their 21st birthdays, to the boat club across the lake for their first legal drink. So when Lars' 21st came around, he and his pal Sven took a boat out to the middle of the lake. Lars stepped out of the boat and nearly drowned. Sven managed to pull him to safety. Furious and confused, Lars went to…

Some of my favorite Scandinavian UFF DA jokes Ole and Lars were business partners and good friends. One day Lars started off for work and discovered he'd forgotten his tools. Returning home, he looked around for his wife, Lena, and finally found her in the bedroom. To his surprise, she was on the bed with no clothes on. ""Vat in the vorld are you doing vidout any clothes, voman?"" Lars asked. ""Vell, I yust don't have any clothes to vear, dat's why,"" answered Lena. ""Vat you talking about,"" sa…

Diesel Fitter Ole and Lars who worked together were both laid off, so off they were to the unemployment office. Asked his occupation, Ole said, ""Panty stitcher. I sew the elastic onto cotton panties."" The clerk looked up panty stitcher. Finding it classified as unskilled labor, she gave Ole $300 a week unemployment pay. Lars was asked his occupation. ""Diesel fitter,"" he replied. Since diesel fitters was a skilled job the clerk gave him $600 a week. When Ole finds out he is furious. He storme…

Lars asked Ole, ""Do ya know da difference between a Norvegian and a canoe?"" ""No, I don't,"" said Ole. ""A canoe will sometimes tip,"" explained Lars.

Metallica walks into a restaurant... James orders a water. Kirk orders a water. Robert orders a water. Lars has a water. Waiter asks if they want anything in their water. James says... ...just ice for all.

Lars sees his friend Sven in the bar Lars sees his friend Sven in the bar and tells him "Sven, I played a trick on you last night. I snuck up to your window and watched you in bed with your wife! Sven smiles and answers "Well Lars, the joke is on you! I wasn't home last night!