#minnesota

Minnesota is my favorite state that sounds like it's a small soft drink.

Stop bragging about your 10,000 lakes, Minnesota. You don't hear Iowa going on and on about its 12,000 smells.

A homeless man randomly asked me if I was from Minnesota yesterday, so I replied, "no, but once I stabbed a guy who grew up in Minneapolis"

The Norwegian Fire Department One dark night outside a small town in Minnesota, a fire started inside the local chemical plant and in a blink of an eye it exploded into massive flames. The alarm went out to all the fire departments for miles around. When the volunteer fire fighters appeared on the scene, the chemical company president rushed to the fire chief and said, ""All our secret formulas are in the vault in the center of the plant. They must be saved. I will give $50,000 to the fire depar…

sad, but true and funny! Three contractors are bidding to fix a broken fence at the White House. One is from Chicago, another is from Tennessee, and the third is from Minnesota. All three go with a White House official to examine the fence. The Minnesota contractor takes out a tape measure and does some measuring, then works some figures with a pencil. ""Well,"" he says, ""I figure the job will run about $900. $400 for materials, $400 for my crew, and $100 profit for me."" The Tennessee contract…

Three guys are in a boat on a lake in Minnesota, fishing. It's an extremely hot day so they drink a lot of cold beers. One of them stands up to relieve himself over the side, and he falls in and sinks. After a minute, the other two dive in and look for him. Finally one of them finds him at the bottom of the lake, and hauls him to the surface, where the two men take turns giving him mouth-to-mouth resuscitation. ""That's weird,"" says one, ""I didn't notice that Bill has such bad breath."" ""Yeah…

About Three Contractors Three contractors are bidding to fix a broken fence at the White House. One is from Chicago, another is from Tennessee, and the third is from Minnesota. All three go with a White House official to examine the fence. The Minnesota contractor takes out a tape measure and does some measuring, then works some figures with a pencil. ""Well,"" he says, ""I figure the job will run about $900. $400 for materials, $400 for my crew, and $100 profit for me."" The Tennessee contracto…

Sad news from Minnesota Please join me in remembering a great icon of the entertainment community. The Pillsbury Doughboy died yesterday of a yeast infection and trauma complications from repeated pokes in the belly. He was 51. Doughboy was buried in a lightly greased coffin. Dozens of celebrities turned out to pay their respects, including Mrs. Butterworth, Hungry Jack, the California Raisins, Betty Crocker, the Hostess Twinkies, and Captain Crunch. The grave site was piled high with flours. Au…

Ole and Sven die in a snowmobiling accident, drunker than skunks, and go to Hell. The Devil observes that they are really enjoying themselves. He says to them 'Doesn't the heat and smoke bother you? Ole replies, 'Vell, ya know, ve're from nordern Minnesooota, da land of snow an ice, an ve're yust happy fer a chance ta varm up a little bit, ya know.' The devil decides that these two aren't miserable enough and turns up the heat even more. When he returns to the room of the two guys from Minnesota…

Why doesn't Iowa have a professional football team? So that Minnesota does not get jealous.

What do midwesterners call Minnesota? Minnepop.

Its so cold in Minnesota right now. The democrats have their hands in their own pockets.

Stimulant 2. Three contractors are bidding to fix a broken fence at the White House. One is from Chicago, another is from Tennessee, and the third is from Minnesota. All three go with a White House official to examine the fence. The Minnesota contractor takes out a tape measure and does some measuring, then works some figures with a pencil. ""Well,"" he says, ""I figure the job will run about $900. $400 for materials, $400 for my crew, and $100 profit for me."" The Tennessee contractor also does…

Being football fans ... Why do all the trees in Wisconsin lean to the south ? Because Minnesota blows & Chicago sucks

Which U.S. State has the smallest soft drinks? Minnesota.

Three contractors are bidding to fix a broken fence at the White House. One is from Chicago, another is from Tennessee, and the third is from Minnesota. All three go with a White House official to examine the fence.....> The Minnesota contractor takes out a tape measure and does some measuring, then works some figures with a pencil. ""Well,"" he says, ""I figure the job will run about $900. $400 for materials, $400 for my crew, and $100 profit for me."" The Tennessee contractor also does some…

Congratulations! You're the father of quadruplets! Four men are in the hospital waiting room because their wives are having babies. A nurse goes up to the first guy and says, ""Congratulations! You're the father of twins."" ""That's odd,"" answers the man. ""I work for the Minnesota A nurse says to the second guy, ""Congratulations! You're the father of ""That's weird,"" answers the second man. ""I work for the 3M A nurse tells the third man, ""Congratulations! You're the father of quadruplets!"…

An old man lived alone.. An old man lived alone in Minnesota. He wanted to spade his potato garden, but it was very hard work. His only son, who would have helped him, was in prison. The old man wrote a letter to his son and mentioned his situation: Dear Son, I am feeling pretty bad because it looks like I won't be able to plant my potato garden this year. I hate to miss doing the garden because your mother always loved planting time. I'm just getting too old to be digging up a garden plot. If y…

Ole and Sven go to Hell (long) One day, Satan was walking through Hell, making sure the souls were properly tormented, until he came upon an unusual sight. Sitting next to a lava pool were Ole and Sven, decked out in parkas, hats, boots and gloves. Confused, Satan walks up to them and asks them why they're dressed for winter in Hell. Ole says, ""Vell yah know, ve're from Minnesota, a land of ice and snow and cold. Ve're just happy to finally be varm for a change."" Satan tries to reply, but can'…

Olie v. Devil (a bit long) Olie dies and goes to hell where he meets the Devil. The Devil says to Olie ""Is it hot enough for you Olie?"". Olie responds ""Well back in Minnesota in June it got alot hotter than this."". So, the Devil goes over and cranks the heat up, and says ""Is is hot enough for you now Olie?"". Olie says ""Well back in Minnesota about July it got alot hotter than this."". The Devil getting a bit mad at this point goes over and cranks the heat all the way up. ""Is it hot enoug…

21st Birthdays A boy from Duluth, Minnesota named Lars had heard stories of an amazing family tradition. It seem that his father, grandfather and great grandfather had all been able to walk on water on their 21st birthdays, to the boat club across the lake for their first legal drink. So when Lars' 21st came around, he and his pal Sven took a boat out to the middle of the lake. Lars stepped out of the boat and nearly drowned. Sven managed to pull him to safety. Furious and confused, Lars went to…

5-year-old Loses Reelection The five-year-old mayor of a small town in Minnesota lost his bid for reelection. The five-year-old mayor made a real effort to drum up support, by shaking hands, and kissing other babies. ...the mayoral race had some pretty stiff competition this year; the 5-year-old was running against a stray dog, a packet of taco mix, and a cardboard cutout of Eminem.

So Ole and Sven go to hell... (from my local newspaper) Ole and Sven are from Minnesota. They die in a snowmobiling accident, drunker than skunks and go to Hell. The Devil observes that they are really enjoying themselves. He says to them 'Doesnt the heat and smoke bother you?' Ole replies, 'Vell, ya know, ve're from nordern Minnesota, da land of snow an ice, an ve're yust happy fer a chance ta varm up a little bit, ya know.' The devil decides that these two aren't miserable enough and turns up …

A Chicago Bears' fan, a Minnesota Viking's fan, and a Detroit Lions' fan find a genie in a bar... The 3 fans are sitting at the bar when suddenly, a genie comes out of a bottle of vodka the bartender opens. [](/sp) The genie says to the bartender: ""Congratulations, you have released me from my prison, and to repay you for that, I shall allow you to make 3 wishes your heart most desires and make them come true."" The bartender faints from the sheer sight of a real genie in his bar. [](/sp) Seein…

The only joke I've ever heard from my mother my mother just returned from Minnesota and relayed in horror that my uncle told this joke to a nurse at my grandmothers deathbed (thus telling me the joke) Olley's on his deathbed and tells his wife to come closer. ""Marry Sven"" he gasps. ""But honey I thought you hated, Sven?"" ""I do.""