#north-dakota

BREAKING: North Dakota lawmakers decide life begins at conception, and then begins again the moment you're old enough to leave North Dakota

A weather report for you I just got off the phone with a friend living in North Dakota near the Canadian Border. He said that since early this morning the snow has been coming down, it is nearly waist high and is still falling. The temperature is dropping way below zero and the north wind is increasing to near gale force. His wife has done nothing but look through the kitchen window and just stare. He says that if it gets much worse, he may have to let her in.

To the citizens of the USA from Her Sovereign Majesty Queen Elizabeth II To the citizens of the United States of America from Her Sovereign Majesty Queen Elizabeth II. In the light of your failure to nominate competent candidates for President of the USA, and thus to govern yourselves, we hereby give notice of the revocation of your independence, effective immediately. Her Sovereign Majesty Queen Elizabeth II will resume monarchical duties over all states, commonwealths, and territories (except …

Just one customer. A young guy from North Dakota moves to Florida and goes to a big ""everything under one roof' department store looking for a job. The Manager says, ""Do you have any sales experience?"" The kid says ""Yeah. I was a vacuum salesman back in North Dakota."" Well, the boss was unsure, but he liked the kid and figured he'd give him a shot, so he gave him the job. ""You start tomorrow. I'll come down after we close and see how you did."" His first day on the job was rough, but he go…

It's so flat... It's so flat in North Dakota, you can watch your dog run away for two weeks.

It's late autumn/fall and winter is coming. Late fall and the Indians on a remote reservation in North Dakota asked their new chief if the coming winter was going to be cold or mild. Since he was a chief in a modern-day society, he had never been taught the old secrets. When he looked at the sky, he couldn't tell what the winter was going to be like. Nevertheless, to be on the safe side, he told his tribe that the winter was indeed going to be cold and that the members of the village should coll…

A sheep herder in North Dakota was out on the summer range with his sheep and getting mighty lonely. He remembered hearing some of the other herders talk about getting so lonely that they would take one of the prettier ewes into the bushes and have relations with it. So out of desperation he grabs a ewe and proceeds to drop his trousers and just as he is about to finally relieve his lust here comes his sheep dog barking at him and nips him in the leg, scaring him away from the sheep! Later whi…

A man owned a small farm near Maddock. The North Dakota Wage and Hour Department claimed he was not paying proper wages to his help and sent an agent out to interview him. ""I need a list of your employees and how much you pay them,"" demanded the agent. ""Well, there's my field hand who's been with me for three years. I pay him $600 a week plus free room and board. The cook has been here for 18 months, and I pay her $500 a week, plus free room and board. Then there's the half-wit who works here…

Oil Pipeline from Canada to Mexico. Democrats tell the Republicans they want to build a highway from the Canadian border in North Dakota to Mexican border in Texas. Republicans get angry telling them the only reason they want to build the highway is so they can use it as an excuse not to build a pipeline. Democrats say they have enough votes to push it down the Repubs throat. The Texas Senator says at least let us save some of our honor. Allow us to name the highway after a great Texan so that w…

Indian bar game A Norwegian took a trip to Fargo, North Dakota. While in a bar, an Indian on the next stool spoke to the Norwegian in a friendly manner. ""Look,"" he said, ""let's have a little game. I'll ask you a riddle. If you can answer it, I'll buy you a drink. If you can't then you buy me one. OK?"" ""Ja, dat sounds purty good,"" said the Norwegian. The Indian said, ""My father and mother had one child. It wasn't my brother. It wasn't my sister. Who was it?"" The Norwegian scratched his he…

A young guy from North Dakota moves to Florida and goes to a big ""everything under one roof"" department store looking for a job... A young guy from North Dakota moves to Florida and goes to a big ""everything under one roof"" department store looking for a job. The Manager says, ""Do you have any sales experience?"" The kid says ""Yeah. I was a vacuum salesman back in North Dakota."" Well, the boss was unsure, but he liked the kid and figured he'd give him a shot, so he gave him the job. ""Yo…

The Michaels family owned a small farm in Canada just yards away from the North Dakota border. Their land had been the subject of a minor dispute between the United States and Canada for generations. Mrs. Michaels who had just celebrated her ninetieth birthday lived on the farm with her son and three grandchildren. One day her son came into her room holding a letter. ""I just got some news Mom"" he said. ""The government has come to an agreement with the people in Washington. They've decided t…

During a break on a North Dakota office building project one of the construction workers approached Pyle. ""Ah heard the boys is gonna strike"" he said. ""What fer?"" asked Pyle. ""Shorter hours."" ""Good fer them!"" said the redneck. ""Ah always did think sixty minutes was too long fer an hour!""

A man is diagnosed with a terminal illness... He goes to his friend who is also a doctor for a second opinion. Doctor says, "I've reviewed the test results- You've only got about 6 months left to live." The man says, "Doc give it to me strait is there anything I can do?!" Doc says, "As a your doctor or as your friend?" - "as a friend, doc." This is what the doctor told him... "If I was you, I'd move to North Dakota- Marry a fat German woman with a pig farm and 7 kids." ... "What will that do…

A Cold Winter Late fall and the Indians on a remote reservation in North Dakota asked their new chief if the coming winter was going to be cold or mild. Since he was a chief in a modern society, he had never been taught the old secrets. When he looked at the sky, he couldn't tell what the winter was going to be like. Nevertheless, to be on the safe side, he told his tribe that the winter was indeed going to be cold and that the members of the village should collect firewood to be prepared.But,…

I just got off the phone with a friend living in North Dakota near the Canadian Border. She said that since early this morning, the snow has been coming down, and it is nearly waist high and still falling. The temperature is dropping way below zero and the wind is increasing to near gale force. Her husband has done nothing but look through the kitchen window and just stare. She said that if it gets much worse, she may have to let him in.

THE salesman story. A young guy from North Dakota moves to Florida and goes to a big "everything under one roof" department store looking for a job. The Manager says, "Do you have any sales experience?" The kid says "Yeah. I was a vacuum salesman back in North Dakota ." Well, the boss was unsure, but he liked the kid and figured he'd give him a shot, so he gave him the job. "You start tomorrow. I'll come down after we close and see how you did." His first day on the job was rough, but he g…

A man owned a small farm A man owned a small farm near Maddock. The North Dakota Wage and Hour Department claimed he was not paying proper wages to his help and sent an agent out to interview him. "I need a list of your employees and how much you pay them," demanded the agent. "Well, there's my field hand who's been with me for three years. I pay him $600 a week plus free room and board. The cook has been here for 18 months, and I pay her $500 a week, plus free room and board. Then there's the …

The good salesman A young guy from North Dakota moves to Florida and goes to a big "everything under one roof" department store looking for a job. The Manager says, "Do you have any sales experience?" The kid says "Yeah. I was a vacuum salesman back in North Dakota ." Well, the boss was unsure, but he liked the kid and figured he'd give him a shot, so he gave him the job. "You start tomorrow. I'll come down after we close and see how you did." His first day on the job was rough, but he got thro…

New sales job! A young guy from North Dakota moves to Florida and goes to a big "everything under one roof" department store looking for a job. The Manager says, "Do you have any sales experience?" The kid says "Yeah. I was a vacuum salesman back in North Dakota." Well, the boss was unsure, but he liked the kid and figured he'd give him a shot, so he gave him the job. "You start tomorrow. I'll come down after we close and see how you did." His first day on the job was rough, but he got thr…

Best Salesman Ever! A young guy from North Dakota moves to Florida and goes to a big "everything under one roof" store looking for a job. The Manager says, "Do you have any sales experience?" The young guy says "Yeah. I was a vacuum salesman back in North Dakota." Well, the boss was unsure, but he liked the kid and figured he'd give him a shot, so he gave him the job. "You start tomorrow. I'll come down after we close and see how you did." His first day on the job was rough, but he got thr…

Little long, but it's funny. Ole is a farmer in Minnesota. He needs a new milk cow, and hears about one for sale over in Nordakota. (That would be North Dakota for you non-Scandahoovians out der.) He drives to Nordakota, finds the farm and looks at the cow. He reaches under to see if she gives milk. When he grabs the tit and pulls, the cow farts. Ole is surprised. He looks at the farmer selling the cow, then reaches under the cow to try again. He grabs another tit, pulls, and the cow farts agai…

Two oilfield workers from North Dakota were on a trip to South Texas... They went to sign on with a new drilling contractor when they were pulled over by a State Trooper.

THE salesman story. A young guy from North Dakota moves to Florida and goes to a big ""everything under one roof"" department store looking for a job.

Just one customer. A young guy from North Dakota moves to Florida and goes to a big ""everything under one roof' department store looking for a job.