#jack-daniels

An old blind cowboy wanders into an all-girl biker bar by mistake... He finds his way to a bar stool and orders a shot of Jack Daniels. After sitting there for a while, he yells to the bartender, 'Hey, you wanna hear a blonde joke?' The bar immediately falls absolutely silent. In a very deep, husky voice, the woman next to him says, "Before you tell that joke, Cowboy, I think it is only fair, given that you are blind, that you should know five things: 1. The bartender is a blonde girl wi…

Bar Joke with Angry Wife An angry wife was complaining about her husband spending all his free time in a bar, so one night he took her along with him. "What'll you have?" he asked. "Oh, I don't know. The same as you I suppose," she replied. So, the husband ordered a couple of Jack Daniel's and threw his down in one shot. His wife watched him, then took a sip from her glass and immediately spat it out. "Yuck, that's TERRIBLE!" she spluttered. "I don't know how you can drink this stuff!" "Well, t…

An angry wife was complaining about her husband... .... spending so much of his free time in the local bar, so one night he took her along with him. "What'll you have?" he asked. "Oh, I don't know. The same as you I suppose," she replied. So, the husband ordered a couple of Jack Daniel's and threw his down in one shot. His wife watched him, then took a sip from her glass and immediately spit it out. "Yuck, that's TERRIBLE!" she spluttered. "I don't know how you can drink this stuff!" "Wel…

Three old ladies are discussing their husbands while having tea. Three old ladies are out for tea and discussing their husbands performance in the sack. They decide to have some fun and describe their husbands as soda pops. The first lady says "my husband is probably Mountain Dew. Because when im ready to mount. Hes ready to do" The second lady says, still giggling, "My hudband is 7 up, cause when its seven hes always up" The third lady says "My husband is defenitely Jack Daniels" The other …

A doctor on his morning walk noticed an old lady sitting on her front step smoking a cigar A doctor on his morning walk noticed an old lady sitting on her front step smoking a cigar So he walked up to her and said, "I couldn't help but notice how happy you look! What is your secret?" "I smoke ten cigars a day," she said. '"Before I go to bed, I smoke a nice big joint. Apart from that, I drink a whole bottle of Jack Daniels every week, and eat only junk food. On weekends, I pop pills, g…

The night before the wedding The bride-to-be and her bridesmaids were giggling over tequila and strawberry daiquiris at the bachelorette party. The maid of honor started a game of truth or dare. "If your boyfriend were a soda, what would he be?" she slurred at the other bridesmaid. "7-Up, because he's got seven inches and he can keep it up. What about you?" "Mountain Dew. He knows how to mount and do me. And what about the future Mrs. Johnson? What kind of soda is Matt?" "Jack Daniels," sa…

Dark jokes 1. Why can't orphans play baseball? They don't know where home is 2. What's the worst part about breaking up with a japanese person? You have to drop the bomb twice before they get the message 3. What did kermit the frog say at Jim henson's funeral? Nothing 4. What's white on top and black on the bottom? Society 5. What's the difference between john wayne and jack daniels? Jack daniels is still killing indians 6. Penn State moved the Jerry Sandusky statue to the library. When yo…

Three women decide to compare their husbands to soft drinks. Three women are out to brunch, and they're talking about who has the best husband. One of them decides they should compare their respective husbands to soft drinks (sodas). First woman: "My husband is like 7UP, because he's 7 inches and he's always up." Second woman: "Well my husband is like Mountain Dew, because when he's mountin' me, he knows what to do." Third woman: "Well my husband is like Jack Daniels." First woman: "That's …

Three women are at a restaurant getting lunch. They all date men named Jeff, by coincidence, and they always get confused when they talk about their boyfriends. One of the women says to the others, "Why don't we give our boyfriends nicknames so we can tell them apart?" The second woman, takes a drink of her soda and says, "Why don't we name them after soft drinks? I'll call mine 7-Up, because he's got seven inches, and it's always up!" The third woman says, "I'll call mine Mountain Dew, caus…

A blind old cowboy walks into a bar... An old, blind cowboy wanders into an all-girl biker bar by mistake. He finds his way to a bar stool and orders a shot of Jack Daniels. After sitting there for a while, he yells to the bartender, “Hey, you wanna hear a blonde joke?” The bar immediately falls absolutely silent. In a very deep, husky voice, the woman next to him says, “Before you tell that joke, Cowboy, I think it is only fair, given that you are blind, that you should know five things: 1. T…

A nun walks in to a liquor store (this is the best joke my drunk dad ever told me) A nun walks in to a liquor store while dressed in her habit and grabs a bottle of Jack Daniels. When she gets to the counter, the clerk looked a little more than surprised. She told him, "don't worry, it's medicinal. It's for Mother Superior's constipation". He finishes the transaction and sends her on her way. When the clerk was taking out the garbage at the end of the night, he spied the same nun behind the du…

A Lady visited a bar for the first time.. She was nervous but sat on one tall stool in front of the bartender.. the guy sitting on her left said: "Jack Daniels, Single" the Guy on her right side ordered: "Johnny Walker, Single" now the bartender looked at the lady & said, "And You?" Lady replied: "Yolanda, Married"

Ya’ll just might be a redneck Jedi if . . . * You ever heard the phrase, "May the force be with ya’ll." * Your Jedi robe is camouflage. * At least one wing of your X-Wings is primer colored. * You can easily describe the taste of an Ewok. * You have ever had an X-Wing up on blocks in your yard. * The worst part of spending time on Dagobah is the dadgum skeeters. * Wookies are offended by your B.O. * You ever lost a hand during a lightsaber fight because you had to spit. * You have ever …

I was assigned to escort several European engineers Several European engineers were visiting our plant and I was assigned to take them to dinner. The electrical engineer from Prague fell in love with Jack Daniel's but it quickly became obvious he couldn't hold his liquor. After two drinks he laid down on the floor and passed out. I wound up having to pick up the Czech. Edit for spelling

Playful CEO A CEO of a multinational corporation was flying across the Pacific and decided he had to go to the bathroom. So he got up and started walking down the aisle, but just as he passed the plane door it malfunctioned, opened and he was sucked out. Miraculously he survived landing in the water and saw a tropical island nearby. He swam to it, certain that he would soon be rescued. However, fifteen years passed and no one came to his rescue. Fortunately there was a spring on the island and…

I went fishing this morning, but after a short time I ran out of worms... Then, out of the corner of my eye, I saw a cottonmouth with a frog in his mouth. "Frogs are good bass bait," I thought to myself. Knowing the snake couldn't bite me with the frog in his mouth, I grabbed him right behind the head, took the frog, and put it in my bait bucket. Just then, I realized I had a problem, how was I going to release the snake without getting bit? So, I grabbed my bottle of Jack Daniels and poured a …

I bought a bottle of Jack Daniels and tied it to my bicycle carrier I was about to leave, then I realised that if I fell off the bike on the way home, the bottle would break. So I drank the entire bottle before I rode back. Turned out to be a great decision because I fell off my bike several times on the way home.

An old, blind Marine wanders into an all-girl biker bar by mistake. He finds his way to a bar stool and orders a shot of Jack Daniels. After sitting there for a while, he yells to the bartender, 'Hey, you wanna hear a blonde joke?' The bar immediately falls absolutely silent. In a very deep, husky voice, the woman next to him says, 'Before you tell that joke I think it is only fair, given that you are blind, that you should know five things: 1. The bartender is a blonde girl with a baseball ba…

"An old, blind cowboy wanders into an all-girl biker bar by mistake... He finds his way to a bar stool and orders a shot of Jack Daniels. After sitting there for a while, he yells to the bartender, 'Hey, you wanna hear a blonde joke?' The bar immediately falls absolutely silent. In a very deep, husky voice, the woman next to him says, 'Before you tell that joke, Cowboy, I think it is only fair, given that you are blind, that you should know five things: 1. The bartender is a blonde girl wit…

What's the difference between Amy Winehouse and Jack Daniels? Jack Daniels comes alive when you add Coke.

What's the difference between Jack Daniels and John Wayne? Jack Daniels is still killing Native Americans.

What's the difference between Davey Crockett and Jack Daniels? Jack Daniels is still killing Indians.

An old blind cowboy wanders into an all-girl biker bar by mistake... He finds his way to a bar stool and orders a shot of Jack Daniels.

What do you have when you got a bag of weed and a bottle of Jack Daniel's? Jackpot!

What's the difference between Jack Daniel's and General Custer? Jack Daniel's is still killing indians.