#jack-daniels

A doctor on his morning walk noticed an old lady sitting on her front step smoking a cigar So he walked up to her and said, ""I couldn't help but notice how happy you look! What is your secret?"" ""I smoke ten cigars a day,"" she said. '""Before I go to bed, I smoke a nice big joint. Apart from that, I drink a whole bottle of Jack Daniels every week, and eat only junk food. On weekends, I pop pills, get laid, and don't exercise at all."" '""That is absolutely amazing! How old are you?"" ""Thirty…

What is Mister Miyagi's favorite drink? Jack Daniels-san

I had no idea I was in Michael Jackson country A salesman was in Dallas, Texas for the first time. He wandered into a bar & proceeded to down a pretty fair number of straight Jack Daniels in a couple of hours, becoming quite sloshed. Suddenly, he noticed Michael Jackson on a news program on the bar's TV. ""There's the biggest horse's ass who ever walked on earth,"" he exclaimed. With that, the cowboy sitting next to him stood, punched him in the jaw, & sat back down on the bar stool. ""W…

I made a drink called Hit The Road Jack It's Jack Daniels mixed with methanol. (Blind jokes are the best kind)

Comparing men to drinks A group of ladies were comparing their husbands to various beverages. The first decided her husband was Mountain Dew. First he mounts, then he do. The second states hers has to be 7-Up since it takes 7 hours for him to 'get up'. The third declared Crush because he only did it missionary position. The fourth opted for Squirt since that's what he did as soon as she stripped off. The last wife, after much thought said her husband had to be Jack Daniels. The others looked on …

If you've never had diarrhea from drinking Jack Daniels... then you don't know Jack shits.

There's a boy born into this crazy world of ours... A completely normal healthy boy except that he's just a head. No neck and nothing that a normal person would have from the neck down. So of course his parents are distraught but they're good people so they decide they will raise him to be the best he can be under the circumstances. So years go by and they do just that and hes turning into a bright kind young man. One day the father walks into his sons room and says ""well say you know what day …

A strange man walks into a bar. A man was sitting at the bar, sipping his pint, when suddenly a man wearing a white morph suit, tweed jacket and a deer stalker walks into the bar. He walks straight up the wall, across the ceiling and back down the wall towards the bar. He points towards the Jack Daniel's & puts up 2 fingers and the barman pours a double. In one swift motion he downs in, walks back up the wall, across the ceiling, down the other wall and out the door. Then the man sat at the …

A blonde visited a bar... A blonde visited a bar for the first time, sat at the table in front of the bartender. A guy at her left ordered, ""Jack Daniels, Single"" A guy at her right ordered, ""Johnny Walker, Single "" The bartender looked at the lady, said ,""and what about you?"" Lady replied,""Amber Smith, Married""

Better Boyfriend (18+Dirty jokes) Two girls were comparing boyfriends. ""Mine's the best,"" said the first. ""I call him Seven-Up because he's 7 inches long and he's always up!"" ""Oh yeah,"" exclaimed the other, ""I call my boyfriend Jack Daniel's because he's the best hard licker there is!""

What's the difference between Colonel Custer and Jack Daniels? Jack Daniels is still killing Indians

I'm seeing a lot of blonde jokes, so here's mine. A brunette, a redhead, and a blonde were talking about their boyfriends and decided they wanted to give them nicknames. The brunette says, ""I'll name mine 7-Up because he is 7 inches and always up for me."" The redhead says, ""I'll name mine Mountain Dew because he always wants to mount and dew me."" The blonde thinks for a moment and says, ""I'll name my boyfriend Jack Daniels. He's a hard liquor.""

Last Christmas I bought my mother-in-law a Jack Daniels t-shirt having previously told me she enjoyed encounters with spirits. She looked angry and said ""I'm a medium"" Bullshit!! XXL fit her perfect!

Shout out to all the people in church today, who didn't speak to anyone, cause their breath still smelled like Jack Daniels.

You met him in prison. During your initial consultation he tries to sell you Amway. He tells you that his last good case was a ""Budweiser."" When the prosecutors see who your lawyer is, they high-five each other. He picks the jury by playing ""duck-duck-goose."" During the trial you catch him playing his Gameboy. He asks a hostile witness to ""pull my finger."" A prison guard is shaving your head. Every couple of minutes he yells, ""I call Jack Daniels to the stand!"" and proceeds to drink a sh…

Three women sitting in a bar having a drink. Their boyfriends are all named Georgie. One day they decide to name their boyfriends after softdrinks to tell the difference between them. The first one says ""I'll name mine 7-up because he's seven inches and always up."" The second one says ""I'll name mine MOUNTAIN DEW because he likes to mount and do me."" And the third one says ""I'll name mine Jack Daniels."" The others say ""Hey! That's not a softdrink that's a hard licker!"". She says ""That's…

eer booze and fun!' 'An angry wife was complaining about her husband spending so much time at the pub so one night he took her along. ""What'll ya have?"" he asked. ""Oh I don't know. The same as you I suppose"" she replied. So the husband ordered a couple of Jack Daniel's and threw his down in one gulp. His wife watched him then took a sip from her glass and immediately spit it out. ""Yuck that's nasty poison!"" she spluttered. ""I don't know how you can drink this stuff!"" ""Well there you g…

An Unlikely Friendship John is driving north on a highway after a sporting event when he comes to a single lane bridge. He checks the road and begins to cross the river, only to be hit head-on from the oncoming direction. The two cars are completely mangled, but the two drivers are completely fine. John notices that the man who hit him is wearing a jersey from a rival sports team. The man who caused the accident said, "Hey man, sorry about your car... And even though we represent different tea…

You Might be a Redneck Jedi If… * You ever heard the phrase, "May the force be with ya’ll." * Your Jedi robe is camouflage. * You have ever used your light saber to open a bottle of Bud Light. * At least one wing of your X-Wings is primer colored. * You can easily describe the taste of an Ewok. * You have ever had a land-speeder up on blocks in your yard. * The worst part of spending time on Dagobah is the dadgum skeeters. * Wookies are offended by your B.O. * You have ever used the Force to ge…

Three ladies all have separate boyfriends named Leroy... One evening, while sharing a few drinks at the bar, one of the ladies suggests, "Let's name our Leroys after a soda pop, because I'm tired of getting my Leroy mixed up with your Leroy, and her Leroy mixed up with your Leroy." The other two ladies agree. The first lady speaks out, "Okay then, I'm gonna name my Leroy 7-Up because he has 7 inches and it's always up!" The three ladies hoot and holler, and slap each other high fives. Then,…

A man becomes marooned on a deserted island... He's learned how to survive and manages to keep up the routine for 10 years. One day while sitting on the beach a gorgeous woman walks out of the waves in full scuba gear. He runs up to her ecstatic to see another human face. He is still in disbelief when he says, "Are... are you real?" She nods and responds with, "How long have you been here?" "Ten years." "So how long has it been since you tasted your dear friend Jack?" "Ten years." She o…

A traditional Indian woman walks into a bar for the first time... She sits down between two men. She hears the first man says to the bartender "Johnny Walker, single." Then second man says to the bartender "Jack Daniels, single." The bartender turns to the Indian woman... She says "Pushpaben Patel, Married."

A man walks into a bar and puts a shoebox down on the table... He says, "I'll have a beer and a shot of Jack Daniels for my friend in the box." The bartender looks down and sees a small man playing the piano. He brings the drinks and then asks, "Where'd you get this little guy?" The man at the bar replies, "I was walking on the beach when I found a bottle lying in the sand. I was dusting it off when a genie came out and this was my first wish." The bartender is thinking that maybe he can trade …

What is the difference between John Wayne and Jack Daniels? Jack Daniels is still killing Indians.

Blonde Joke An old blind cowboy wanders into an all-girl biker bar by mistake... He finds his way to a bar stool and orders a shot of Jack Daniels. After sitting there for a while, he yells to the bartender, 'Hey, you wanna hear a blonde joke?' The bar immediately falls absolutely silent. In a very deep, husky voice, the woman next to him says, 'Before you tell that joke, Cowboy, I think it is only fair, given that you are blind, that you should know five things: 1. The bartender is a blon…