#bud-light

"I want to drink but not have a good time. One Bud Light, please."

I'm thinking about bottling my own urine and selling it. I'll call it "I Can't Believe It's Not Bud Light."

Jokes on you hot chick at the bar who gave me a radio station's phone number I just won Harlem Globetrotter tickets and a Bud Light poncho.

Woman beater A woman goes to the doctor all black and blue. Doctor: ""What happened?"" Woman: ""Doctor, I don't know what to do. Every time my husband comes home drunk on Bud Light he beats me up."" Doctor: ""I have a real good medicine for that. When your husband comes home drunk on Bud Light, just take a glass of sweet tea and start swishing it in your mouth but don't swallow. Just keep swishing and swishing until he goes to bed in his Bud Light stupor."" Two weeks later the woman comes back t…

A woman goes to the doctor all black and blue... A woman goes to the doctor all black and blue. Doctor: ""What happened?"" Woman: ""Doctor, I don't know what to do. Every time my husband comes home drunk on Bud Light he beats me up."" Doctor: ""I have a real good medicine for that. When your husbandcomes home drunk on Bud Light, just take a glass of sweet tea and start swishing it in your mouth but don't swallow. Just keep swishingand swishing until he goes to bed in his Bud Light stupor."" Two …

the head brewmasters of Budweiser, Miller, and Guinness walk into a bar.. the brewmaster of Budweiser orders first and proudly asks for the most popular brew in America, a Bud Light. the brewmaster of Miller smiles and asks for a true original, a Miller Lite. the brewmaster of Guinness winces and orders a Diet Coke. ""a Diet Coke?!,"" exclaim the others.. ""don't you drink Guinness?"" ""well shit no one else was having beer I didn't want to be the only one,"" he complained.

What do you call a lighter that is only used for weed? A highlighter Edit: Or a Bud Light Courtesy of u/isnottoast

I heard Anheuser Busch is sending 9 truckloads of canned water to the areas affected by Hurricane Matthew. Who knew there was such a demand for Bud Light after a disaster?

A women goes to the doctor all black and blue... Doctor: ""What happened?"" Woman: ""Doctor, I don't know what to do. Every time my husband comes home drunk on Bud Light he beats me to a pulp."" Doctor: ""I have a remedy for that. When your husband comes home drunk on Bud Light, just take a glass of sweet tea and start swishing it in your mouth but don't swallow. Just keep swishing and swishing until he goes to bed in his Bud Light stupor."" Two weeks later the women comes back to the doctor loo…

My Halloween costume this year: I'm gonna get drunk and make a space suit out of Bud Light boxes. When people ask who I'm supposed to be, I'll respond, ""I'm Buzzed Lightbeer!""

A woman goes to the doctor all bruised up. Doctor: ""What happened?"" Woman: ""Doctor, I don't know what to do. Every time my husband comes home drunk on Bud Light he beats me to a pulp."" Doctor: ""I have a remedy for that. When your husband comes home drunk on Bud Light, just take a glass of sweet tea and start swishing it in your mouth but don't swallow. Just keep swishing and swishing until he goes to bed in his Bud Light stupor."" Two weeks later the women comes back to the doctor looking f…

Anheuser Busch is using a Georgia brewery to can water for flood victims in Oklahoma and Texas They're labeling very clearly so people don't confuse it with Bud Light

A man walks into a bar with his talking dog... A man walks into a bar with his dog and orders a beer and a light beer for his talking dog. The bartender stairs at him, says ""yeah, right"" and the dog says ""seriously, make it a Bud Light"". The bartender is amazed. Pretty soon the owner has to break the seal and ask the bartender to watch his dog. While he's gone, the bartender hands the dog $5 and tells him to go across the street to Sully's and order a beer... 5 minutes later the owner comes …

Why does Bear Grylls love Bud Light? It's sterile and he likes the taste.

Chunks A guy walks into a beer store, and asks the employee, Guy: This is my first time buying beer, what do you recommend? Employee: Bud Light is popular? Guy: I'll take a 24 then. Same guy comes into the same beer store a week later and asks the same employee for a 24 of different beer. Employee: Did you not like the Bud Light? Guy: No, it made me blow chunks. Employee: That happens to all of us if we drink to much. Guy: You don't understand, Chunks is my dog.

A brunette walks into a bar and says ""Gimme an M L."" The bartender says ""What's an M L?"" The brunette says ""A Miller Light."" Another brunette walks in and says ""Gimme a B L"" The bartender says ""What's a B L?"" She says ""Bud Light."" A dumb blonde walks in and says ""Gimme a 15."" The bartender says ""What's a fifteen?"" The blonde says ""7&7 duh!""

You Might be a Redneck Jedi If… * You ever heard the phrase, "May the force be with ya’ll." * Your Jedi robe is camouflage. * You have ever used your light saber to open a bottle of Bud Light. * At least one wing of your X-Wings is primer colored. * You can easily describe the taste of an Ewok. * You have ever had a land-speeder up on blocks in your yard. * The worst part of spending time on Dagobah is the dadgum skeeters. * Wookies are offended by your B.O. * You have ever used the Force to ge…

The CEOs of Budweiser, Coors, Killian's, and Guinness walk into a bar.... ...and the bartender takes orders. The CEO of Budweiser says "I'll take a Bud Light. It's crisp, refreshing, and doesn't hurt the budget!" The bartender moves down the line. The CEO of Coors says "I'll take a Coors light. It's colder, even more refreshing, and won't give you a beer gut!" The bartender moves down the line. The CEO of Killian's says "These guys are amateurs, give me a Killian's Irish Red. It's smooth, f…

A women goes to the doctor all black and blue... Doctor: "What happened?" Woman: "Doctor, I don't know what to do. Every time my husband comes home drunk on Bud Light he beats me to a pulp." Doctor: "I have a remedy for that. When your husband comes home drunk on Bud Light, just take a glass of sweet tea and start swishing it in your mouth but don't swallow. Just keep swishing and swishing until he goes to bed in his Bud Light stupor." Two weeks later the women comes back to the doctor lookin…

After Conference Meetup The CEOs of Budweiser, Coors, Killian's, and Guinness walk into a bar and the bartender takes orders. The CEO of Anheiser/Bush says "I'll take a Bud Light. It's crisp, refreshing, and doesn't hurt the budget!"The bartender moves down the line. The CEO of Coors says "I'll take a Coors light. It's colder, even more refreshing, and won't give you a beer gut!"The bartender moves down the line. The CEO of Heineken says "These guys are amateurs, give me a Kil…

A bunch of beer company CEOs are at a conference and they decide to go get a drink... The CEO of Budweiser orders a Bud Light

What's the difference between Bud Light and piss? The vortex bottle