#buddy

BOUNCER: Sorry, buddy - planets only. PLUTO: I'm on the list. BOUNCER: Nope. *Jurassic World walks in* PLUTO: Oh you cannot be serious.

[arcade] KID: dad, some guy is hogging the claw machine DAD: hey buddy, why don't you give the kid a turn LOBSTER: BACK OFF WE'RE IN LOVE

Buddy, If you get in a fight with me there'll only be 2 "hits"; You hitting me and my screams of pain hitting 100 decibels.

Mechanic: what seems to be the problem? Me: nice try buddy, that's what I'm paying you for

Just watched a guy walk out of the tanning place and immediately light a cigarette. Slow down, buddy. Don't get all the cancer today!

*Sees dead cat on the road. Walk it off buddy, you got 8 more.

*sees guy dressed as ghost for Halloween* Hey buddy thats not funny, my grandma is a ghost

Me: Hey, great costume, buddy! You look like a real... Him: Ma'am, please step out of the vehicle.

Tonight playing poker with a buddy he said "Care to make this interesting?" And I said "Sure. For years I've been secretly in love with you"

my idiot dog just ate a box of condom. i was gonna eat those buddy

*sees spider in the shower* Oh jeez I'm sorry lock the door next time buddy

ME: I know it's probably the beer talking, but you look beautiful tonight! BEER: Hey buddy, don't be putting words in my mouth now.

My buddy said I was a horrible wing man last night, but I'm not sure. I ate like 90 of them.

Are you eating Jell-O? Cow: "Yeah." You know what gelatin is made from, right? Cow: "No, what?" Uh. Rainbows. Enjoy, buddy.

fire works? buddy all fire works haha just some topical humor here on Twitter Online, where anything can happen

Buddy of mine dropped some acid... Burnt a hole in the floor... He was tripping for days!

3:Mommy why do I have to wear a coat, it's not that cold out!? Me:So other Moms don't judge me and talk shit, Buddy.

ME: Hey buddy, your dog left a little 'present' on my lawn GUY: Huh? ME: *points to tiny, nicely wrapped gift* Thank him for me, willya?

you can't believe it's not butter? buddy, almost everything is not butter

sorry 4 rant, I heard a guy say "millennials all do fake social media jobs"& was like buddy ur postgrad data entry gig is done by robots now

To the squirrel carrying the mushroom up a tree to his nest: you may want to eat that with your feet firmly on the ground, buddy.

Power went out in my office building & a maintenance guy said Transformers blew. Um yeah it was a bad movie buddy now what about the power??

At the coffee shop, I saw a German guy reading the first few pages of a book about WWII and smiling. Keep reading, buddy. Keep reading.

Parents w/ 1st Baby: "Aww he's starting to walk! C'mon buddy, u can do it!" Parents w/ Baby #4: "SHIT, HE'S STANDING! QUICK, SWEEP THE LEG!"

(Halloween Costume Shop) ME: *leaving after not finding anything* CASHIER: *pointing to my face* Those masks aren't free, buddy.