#buddy

*me looking in refrigerator* freezer: hey buddy my ice are up here

Brain: We've got lots to do today. Body: You're on your own buddy.

Just turned off porch light and saw a moth take off flying towards the moon. Good luck buddy, if you make it back, sell the story to Pixar.

me: this MAN thinks he's ENTITLED to my time! hey buddy i don't OWE you anything!! my boss: do you...know how jobs work

"Hey Barack" "yes Joe?" "I bet T-Rex's took terrible selfies" "Ok Joe" "Because they had..." "Short arms Joe, yes. I get it. I get it buddy"

Just took a bite of a gluten-free slice of pizza & my stomach made a sad noise & I was all "I know, buddy. I know."

*sees lost cat* Hey buddy you lost *reads tag* there's a phone number *dials number* *little cell phone in cats pocket starts ringing*

WIFE: why is the dog wearing a tux? ME: u said to groom him WIFE: i meant brush ME: oh...sorry buddy, wedding's off DOG: this is bullshit

Caller: Is Mr. Rock available? Me: Yeah, hold on. *hands phone to 5yo* Me: It's grandma, buddy. Tell her about Caillou.

Cigarette: Hey buddy. Me: I don't smoke anymore. Cigarette: But buddy. Me: NO. Cigarette: Buddy? Me: You do make a good point. Fine.

ME: who's a good boy *kissy noises* DOG: I just murdered the cat ME: you are, yes you are *rubs dog's head* DOG: you're next buddy

Have you ever heard someone honking so aggressively & for so long that you're like "this was never about the traffic, was it, buddy?"

[baby takes its first steps] me in a cop outfit: not even close to a straight line buddy, you're going away for a long long time.

BARBER: would you like a hot towel? ME: buddy, I don't objectify towels

My buddy has a telescope but I don't think he uses it for astronomy. I asked what his favourite constellation was and he said, "Samantha".

"Hey buddy, you wanna buy a harmonica?" I opened my coat and got hit by a gust of wind, making the worst sound in the world

Passer-by: hey buddy, do you have change for the phonebox? Clark Kent: why would I change in a phonebox? P: I didnt- CK: I'm not Superman

I lost a very dear friend and drinking buddy in a tragic accident this weekend. He got his finger caught in a wedding band.

Whoa whoa whoa... I was stalking her first buddy...

[turns to buddy just before bar fight] "I'll take the guy with the glasses, you take the guy dressed as a ninja"

"Hey, your fly's down" Oh shit.. *pets fly's head* you'll be alright little buddy, chin up.. we'll get you some new wings

"I got chills, they're multiplying, and I'm losin' control." Buddy, you got stomach flu.

When bears are around, try to look skinny and they won't eat you. If that doesn't work, kick your buddy in the nuts and RUN!

Son: Mom, why are you always showing up at my school on chicken nugget day? Me: *literally salivating* Here to see you, buddy.

There's no such thing as "elevator etiquette" buddy. Just enjoy your back scratch.