Intelligence (long and racist) *I'm not racist; this is how the joke was told to me by my racist ass granddad. Best told in a Georgia accent.* Two niggers, Calvin and Rastus, are digging a ditch for their boss one hot summer's day. It's REALLY hot, both of them are soaked in sweat. After an hour or so, Calvin pipes up, ""Man Rastus, how it is dat we down here digging dis here ditch, doin' all tha work in the hot sun, and de boss man up theah sittin' in his truck under de tree in de A/C, and he g

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How do we know the toothbrush was invented in Alabama? If it had been invented anywhere else, it would be called a teethbrush. What's the latest invention to come out of the UA engineering program? A solar-powered flashlight. How can you tell if someone's a UA graduate? Look at the ring while they're picking their nose. Why are criminals so hard to catch in Alabama? Everyone has the same DNA. What does an Alabaman call a six-pack and a dead possum? A seven-course meal. Since state jokes seem to

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Georgia and Connecticut girls Two freshmen girls are moving into their dorm room together. One of them's from Georgia, one of them's from Connecticut. The girl from Connecticut's helping her mother put up curtains. Girl from Georgia turns to them and says, ""Hi. Where y'all from?"" Girl from Connecticut says, ""we're from a place where we know not to end a sentence with a preposition."" The girl from Georgia says, ""Oh, beg my pardon. Where y'all from...cunt? House of Cards s1, e4

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Once upon a time, there was a wasp. Now, this wasp was no ordinary wasp. No, no, this was an extremely intelligent wasp. He was so smart, in fact, that one day he decided to leave the nest to go to high school. Obviously, this was a big deal for his family, but they supported him in following his dreams, so they packed up his few belongings and sent him off the high school. You might think that a wasp wouldn't do very well in a high school, and normally you'd be right. This wasp, however, was no

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Clem was small game hunting in the woods right around the border area of North Carolina, South Carolina and Georgia. He had just shot a possum and was putting it in his game bag when the game warden approached. The game warden says, ""Whatcha got there son?"" Clem says, ""Just doin' a little hunting. I got me a couple squirrels, a rabbit and this here possum."" The game warden grabs the possum, sticks his finger up it's ass, sniffs it the says, ""This here possum is from is from Georgia, you got

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Three guys go hunting The first guy, from Georgia, walks off from the hunting camp and returns an hour later with a deer. The other two hunters ask him how he did it. ""Found the tracks, followed the tracks, shot the deer."" The second guy, from Alabama, walks off and returns with a bear. The other two guys ask him how he did it. ""Found the tracks, followed the tracks, shot the bear."" The third guy, from San Francisco, walks off and returns all beaten up and battered. The other two guys ask hi

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Huntin' License A man named Jed went hunting near the border of Alabama and Georgia. When he was going back to his truck, a game warden came up to him and asked him what he had in the sack. ""Three rabbits,"" Jed said. The warden said, ""Let me see one of those rabbits."" So Jed pulled out one of the rabbits. The warden stuck his finger in the rabbit's butthole, pulled it out, smelled it and said, ""This is a Georgia rabbit."" Then the warden said, ""Let me see your Georgia huntin' license."" So

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Make us even Two good ol' boys in a Georgia trailer park were sitting around talking one afternoon over a cold beer after getting off work at the local Kia plant. After a while the 1st guy says to the 2nd, ""If'n I was to sneak over to your trailer Saturday & make love to your wife while you was off huntin' and she got pregnant and had a baby, would that make us kin?"" The 2nd guy crooked his head sideways for a minute, scratched his head and squinted his eyes thinking real hard about the qu

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Lewis Grizzard, featuring Bubba & Earl We are playing Auburn. Sanford Stadium. National Television. Winner wins the Southeastern Conference; goes to the Sugar Bowl. 85,000 people jammed into Sanford Stadium. National television audience. This game is on the Armed Service Network. People in Switzerland are seeing this ballgame. Going everywhere. The band cranks up ""Glory, Glory to Ole Georgia"" and our team comes running out. 85,000 stand as one. We are led by our gallant mascot, UGA-U-G-A.

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Wife's Duties Three men were sitting together bragging about how they had given their new wives duties at home. The first man had married a woman from Georgia and had told her that she was going to do dishes and house cleaning. It took a couple days, but on the third day, he came home to a clean house and dishes washed and put away. The second man had married a woman from Arkansas. He had given his wife orders that she was to do all the cleaning, dishes, and the cooking. The first day he didn't

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City Life The Colonel's only daughter was the most important person in his world, and he'd protected her fiercely her entire seventeen years. But when Belle asked for an all-expense-paid two-week shopping spree in New York City for her eighteenth birthday, well, hell, the Colonel couldn't say no to his little Georgia peach. When Belle returned from her birthday getaway, she invited twelve of her closest friends to the manse so she could show off the treasures she'd scored. In the midst of modeli

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John went to visit his 90 year old grandfather in a very secluded, rural area of Georgia. After spending a great evening chatting the night away, John's grandfather prepared breakfast of bacon, eggs and toast. However, John noticed a film like substance on his plate, and questioned his grandfather asking, ""Are these plates clean?"" His grandfather replied, ""They're as clean as cold water can get them. Just you go ahead and finish your meal, Sonny!"" For lunch the old man made hamburgers. Again

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