#mitch

"Do you ever get the feeling Mitch is an undercover cop?" [MITCH enters] MITCH: Hey guys! *speaking into shirt collar* I brought the drugs

What did the cow say to the farmer named Mitch? Moo Mitch, get out the hay

I really hate picketing but I don't know how to show it! RIP Mitch

911 Operator gets a call. There's a man on phone. Panting and scared. ""Hello 911? My name is Mitch. My friend and I came to the forest for hunting and he has been attacked by a bear. I think he's dead. I am not really sure what to do and we're in the middle of nowhere. Please help!!"" Operator: OK OK Mitch. We're going to help you. Please calm down. First we need to make sure your friend is really dead. I'll tell you wh... The phone is suddenly cut off. There's a silence for a while. And sudden…

If I had a dollar for every time I got distracted while writing a paper; Id be making money in a weird ass way, man. ~Mitch

I think it's kinda funny people named their kids after US states... Y'know, names like Carolina, Georgia, Dakota, Virginia, etc. When I have a kid, I'm gonna name him Michigan, just in case some guy named Mitch reincarnates into him.

I used to do drugs i still do, but i used to to. -Mitch rip the legendary Mitch Hedberg

If I had a dollar for every time I said this I would be making money in a real weird way! Best comic I ever heard, Mitch Hedberg (1968-2005).

I used to like Mitch Hedberg I still do but I used to too. RIP Mitch, we miss you.

What is Mitch McConnell's favorite movie? Frozen.

I gave the pet store $20 Mitch better have my bunny

I used to steal Mitch Hedberg's jokes I still do

I used to like Mitch Hedberg I still do but I used to too. RIP Mitch